Angel in the day, Demon in the night

Wait for me.

2010-11-10T00:00:00.001+08:00

I will start blogging soon enough.

Things Men Should Know About Women

2010-10-31T00:40:00.001+08:00

Was reading Holly Jean and came across this. So true, oh so true.

1. When we tell you our problems, we do not expect you to fix them. We just want you to listen.

2. It’s cheating as soon as you’re doing something you wouldn’t want us to catch you doing.

3. When we ask questions we already know the answers to. We're not trying to trap you, we want to give you a chance to come clean.

4. We don’t like hairy backs. Shave it, wax it, whatever… but don’t shave your chest… or legs.

5. While standing in a queue somewhere, kiss us on the back of our shoulders or neck.... I think this works magic (and it sure makes waiting a whole lot better!)

6. Don’t talk about the porn you've watched/ girls you've shagged.. (even though we ask you about that, we don't actually want to know... I don't know why we ask really, we just do unexplainable things like that some times)

7. We find you sexy when you’re driving, fixing things, working out, playing an instrument (well), and concentrating on a task.

8. We aren’t as obsessed with your size as you are. (No matter what your size, your tongue my friend, is indispensable!)

9. Women can take care of themselves, but it’s sweet when you’re protective over us. Small things like calling to make sure we made it home safely goes a long way. (That’s also why we pretend we can’t open the jar, so you can demonstrate how you are able to take care of us.)

10. Yes we throw an odd tantrum or two from time to time. But if you cant handle us at our worst then you don't deserve us at our best.

WTF?

2010-10-24T08:31:00.000+08:00

Everything is wrong baby.

I think you're busted.

你不會知道，但我還是希望有天你會懂

2010-10-24T04:07:00.002+08:00

女人不吵了、不鬧了、不叫了，就是真的不愛了

女人說要離開，是傷心了，是你讓他失望了.

女人明知道你們之間沒有未來，卻情願留在你身邊做個普通朋友，不是她太賤，只是她捨不得 .

女人故意在你面前提到別的男人，不是她花心，只是想要刺激一下你，讓你多在乎她一點 .

女人不主動打電話、發信息給你，不是不想你，是她不夠自信，你接到電話、短信時，是否也同樣的想念她 .

如果女人不愛你，是不會對你發脾氣的，不要報怨自己的女朋友脾氣太怪，女人只對她愛的人發脾氣.

女人不是不知道你還有別的女人，她選擇獨自傷心卻不揭穿你，是害怕揭穿後給了你一個離開她的藉口.

女人總是在你面前假裝很開心，不是她沒心沒肺，成天傻樂，只是為了在你面前留下最美的樣子.

男人其實你不懂

1 她總是問:你在哪呢?你現在在幹嗎? (她很想念你,只是想跟你說說話,你不給她發信息,她很
矛盾,怕你在忙,但又忍不住想你.換了別人,愛幹嘛幹嘛,她不關心.所以請你一有時間就問候她一
下,讓她放心,讓她知道你心裡有她,她不會煩你.她總是主動聯繫你,她會覺得她賤.)

2 她說:我不開心了,我好煩. (不要怪她無理取鬧,更不能覺得她在煩你,她不是真的不開心,她只是想你了.只是想要你會來安慰她一下,哪怕是:乖,別鬧了,聽話!)

3 她說:不要感冒了./路上小心./自己多注意…… (不要嫌她煩.因為她知道你不傻,甚至是很聰明的.她只想讓你知道她心裡有你,她很想關心你)

4 她總說自己又長胖了或者長得不夠漂亮. (不要覺得她是在自卑或嫉妒別人,她只是怕自己在你眼中不夠完美.她已經在為你改變了.)

5 她總說她想要幫你,要你有什麼事一定要告訴她. (其實她知道她幫不了你什麼,她只想讓你知道你還有她,她永遠在會你身邊陪你,會一直的支持你,)

6 她看到你跟別的女生親近一些就會生氣,發小脾氣. (別說她小氣,不信任你,她其實是在吃醋,這表示她十分在乎你.即使心裡難受也會自己安慰自己.)

7 無論做什麼她總會征求你的意見. (不是她沒主見,太過依賴你,她只是尊重你,凡事以你為先.)

8 不管在哪裡她總是緊緊的和你站在一起. (她只是在告訴你她信任你.)

9 她愛憂傷,總是會多想. (不要覺得她是想太多,只是有時她會覺得缺乏安全感.)

10 她假裝生氣轉身離開. (其實,她不是真的想走,只是離開的時候希望被挽留.)

11 她會突然冷淡你,或是向你撒嬌. (別怪她孩子氣,她只是想讓你哄哄她.)

12 也許有一天她會跟你說分手. (其實,這個時候她已經喜歡你好久,只是不確定這份感情是不是對的.她只是要你的安全感,你的捨不得,你的不要走……）

男生敢不敢啊？

2010-10-24T03:57:00.001+08:00

1.把fb密碼告訴她。
2.銀行的密碼告訴她。
3.冬天允許她把手放到你身體裡。
4.可以讓她隨時翻你手機。
5.行街時，要拉著她的手，不許放。
6.不許先掛她電話。
7.不許對她大聲說話。
8.要給她介紹你所有的朋友。
9. 陪她逛街時不能說累。
10.把她的的相片放在手機屏幕上。
11.不說她傻。
12.不說她笨。
13.不傷她心。
14. 不欺負她。
15.不兇她。
16.不對她摔東西。
17.要會逗她笑。
18.會說甜言蜜語。
19.要說到做到。
20. 有事隨叫隨到。
21.允許她掏你口袋。
22.要鼓勵她打扮。
23.不許說她醜。
24.不許說她胖。
25.陪她看電視。
26.不許嫌她手藝不好（再難吃也要誇好）。
27.大節小節都要送禮物給她（不在乎禮物的貴賤）。
28.無論她什麼時候餓，都要陪她吃飯。
29.吵架一定是你先道歉。
30.每年去不同的地方（沒錢就去不同的公園）。
31.發現美女時，不許斜眼。
32.她撒嬌的時候你要配合。
33.要陪她一起瘋。
34.行街累了，就背她。
35.要學會做飯給她吃。
36.每天要打電話給她。
37.她打電來時一定要接。
38.不叫她做不願意的事。
39.她煮飯時，要陪她一起。
40.答應她的事不能討價還價。
41.有快樂時要和她一起分享。
42.有痛苦時要和她一起分擔。
43.為她，做個大男人。
44.不許和前女朋友聯繫。
45.她生病時要監督她吃藥。
46.為她洗腳。
47.要陪她散步。
48.要相信她。
49.不許拿她和前女友比較。
50.不許騙她。

這些
你敢做到嗎？

10 reasons why women cheat

2010-10-22T18:16:00.002+08:00

Number 10
Not enough sex
Remember the good old days when you could stay up forever fooling around? Then responsibility entered the mix — and kids — and before you knew it, sleep was more important than sex. Well, women want to feel wanted. If you’re not making her feel that way, she could seek it elsewhere. To keep that spark alive, ask her out on date nights, send her provocative e-mails at lunch, and by all means, don’t let life get in the way of kissing, cuddling and sex.

Number 9
Being the bad girl
Just as men feel the urge to sow their wild oats, some women have an inner sex kitten just waiting to be unleashed — and when the beast escapes from the cage, look out. This frisky behavior usually rears its ugly head in response to some sort of life change — major weight loss, new job, new friends, mid-life crisis, etc. Keep the lines of communication open and she’ll be more likely to talk to you about what’s going on instead of spilling her guts to a stranger in the night.

Number 8
Self-esteem
Sex can be an instant pick-me-up; a self-esteem booster that makes women feel sexier, more beautiful and more loved. If your wife or girlfriend has self-esteem issues, it doesn’t mean she’s automatically going to cheat — and it’s certainly not your fault if she does — but there are ways to make her feel secure in the relationship that could help her from straying. Pay attention to her, ask her questions and don’t hold back on compliments — a little flattery goes a long way with women.

Number 7
Revenge/payback for past wrongs
No, you didn’t cheat, but whether you blew your retirement fund in Vegas or got caught in a big lie, you did break her trust (and, possibly, her heart). She feels wounded and betrayed — and wants to hurt you the same way you hurt her. To regain her trust, it’s not enough just to tell her you’re sorry; you have to show her. Actions speak louder than words.

Number 6
Lack of intimacy
You have it all: the house, the two-car garage and the two-and-a-half bathrooms — at least on the outside. But inside, the relationship is lacking the one thing women want most: intimacy. It’s not just sex that makes women feel connected in a relationship; it’s touching, kissing, cuddling, and communicating. Women crave it, and she could seek it elsewhere if she’s not getting it at home. To improve intimacy, spend quality time together, give her a foot massage, make a romantic dinner for two — anything that will give her a sense of unity and closeness.

Number 5
Feeling neglected/ignored/underappreciated
Women wear many hats in a relationship — housekeeper, errand-runner, grocery shopper, babysitter, etc. When she feels more like a maid than a girlfriend/wife, that’s when she could stray. The fact that you spend all your time at work or on the golf course gives her double reason to seek attention elsewhere. No, you can’t quit your job, but you can thank her for all her selfless deeds — and do your share around the house.

Number 4
Your emotional withdrawal
Women are emotional beings. Not only do they need physical support, but they also need emotional support. Once you retreat from the relationship, she sees it as a sign that things are through — a breakup is inevitable. So, she’s not really cheating, she’s moving on. To avoid this, be present in the relationship. Yes, that means sharing your icky feelings, but it’s better than the alternative, right?

Number 3
Bedroom boredom
Sex can become monotonous if you let it — the same position; the same setting; the same person. An affair adds adventure and gets her adrenalin flowing. To avoid routine, avoid repetition. Sweep her away for the weekend, make out at the movies, kiss her for no reason at all… The unexpected adds excitement.

Number 2
Exit strategy
Instead of breaking up with you, she cheats on you. That way she doesn’t have to deal with the broken relationship, which is much harder to fix. An affair is the easy way out — or at least that’s how she sees it. That’s another reason communication is key. Let her know that she can talk to you about anything and that you love her enough to work through any bumps in the relationship road.

Number 1
Revenge for your cheating
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Because you cheated, she wants to get back at you and give you a dose of your own medicine. Cheating is her vengeance, her chance to even the playing field. No, you can’t undo your indiscretion, but you can ask for her forgiveness, assure her it will never happen again and suggest couples therapy to help you get through this tough time.

馬鈴薯排骨拉麵

2010-10-07T08:42:00.002+08:00

So many things. I'm so weak. And confused.

But I will hang on.

Just like how I've did ever since 12 years ago.

I've been doing it and I will still be doing it. Even if it means I'll be left half dead and alone.

'Cause honestly... I don't have much choice, do I?

Give me the determination, please.

And oh. It'll be pork ribs with potatoes ramen today. Yum yum!!

meegoreng. yum yum

2010-10-06T08:45:00.002+08:00

I'm hungry and I can't be arsed to make something to eat because I'm too lazy to wash any pots or pans after that. And not to mention, the damn kitchen floor is so greasy (from the frozen roti prata I've cooked two days ago, and NO ONE has to know that) that I can't be bothered to step inside it longer than necessary (read: never).

And so. I'm here to type cause I'm on a boat to Orbis and it's too fucking long for me to stare at my char which is in a cabin doing nothing. And oh. If you still don't know what I'm doing these days in my free time, which includes... well... maple and 明星3缺1 and those only.

School is starting in 6 days and I don't like it. I don't have the guts to check my grades or my new classes out cause I'm too chicken like this.

Loads of things happened. But some stuff can't be said. Just like how some pain can't be shared.

So, if anyone ever tells me that he wants to 分擔 with me, know that whatever goes on in my head only includes one word: BULLSHIT!!

Sigh. To the lump of air in my throat that turns out to be suffocating me, please please please, just go away, won't you? I can't breathe. I can't even think properly with you right now.

And I just want to play Spot The Difference in the arcade at Iluma. Cause it has those tickets which I suspect if I play enough, maybe I can get a soft toy or something. It's like, I play the game I like and I get a freebie that's hopefully cute along with it.

Double WIN

Okay. Am going to cook mee goreng now. So bored.

Can you even cry?

2010-09-26T13:11:00.002+08:00

This is a little something I've promised to write more than six months ago. I guess I never got around doing it. Maybe I am lazy... but it could also be the fact that I don't have good songs to accompany me while I write.

I have this bad habit of having to listen to something that fits the mood whenever I write. Lest I get bored and exit the page without bothering to save.

My eyes hurt and I haven't slept but I suddenly remembered this little promise and deliberately waited for little boy to sleep before climbing out of bed to write this.

And here goes:

Sigh. I still can't write this.

Whatever I said earlier is nothing but bullshit.

Sometimes, there are so many tears that can't reach your eyes.

fearful

2010-08-25T03:59:00.000+08:00

Such a strong sense of uneasiness. I feel like something's going to happen.

Oh God. Protect me please.

time flies

2010-08-24T01:04:00.002+08:00

And time flies. At the end of the alleyway stood a man. A man whom she could never forget. A cigarette between his lips with a sorrowful look in his eyes, she whispered his name softly. It echoed within the alleyway.

And it all started...

With April saying, "how time flies".

And how I thought it was something that was used in Secondary School compos.

ban ban dan

2010-08-23T06:08:00.002+08:00

Sorry for turning nasty and irritated. And LOVED the song you asked me to listen.

Here are the lyrics to the said song:

你终究占据了我的心房
我终於知道什麽叫做疯狂
因为你我不再怕黑暗
想着你让我更加勇敢
你说你害怕曾经受过的伤
过去发生的情节让你迷惘
害怕重演在你身上却步
让你失去了方向
或许我没资格说什麽(有谁不会害怕呢)
但我知道我会愿意等(你相信我的时候)
我会慢慢等慢慢等慢慢等.....
等上线的铃声
慢慢等等到我都睡着了
耐心等只为了心动那一刻
我会慢慢等慢慢等慢慢等.....
等红灯变绿灯(很鸟吧...)
慢慢等当你突然觉得冷
我会握着温暖在这里等着

I like the ones in red. I thought it spoke into my heart.

太美麗

2010-08-22T06:56:00.002+08:00

Found a song that's not too bad.

Oh!! I think 方大同 is cute. Weird taste I have huh? And he sings in such a special and unique way. And have awesome songs.

But nope, sharing 陶喆's 太美麗 now.

每一滴眼淚每一次心碎
什麼愛能無疚無悔
不灰心等待痛苦也忍耐
妳堅持愛了就不後退
我知道我不是一個輕易就會說愛的人
沒有想到這樣的妳卻改變我

太美麗太美麗
妳的愛是多麼的甜蜜
太美麗愛讓我也美麗
現在我不再懷疑我不懷疑有多愛妳

每一個腳印每一朵烏雲
說著我的飄忽不定
傷妳傷好深別人早就要放棄
為何妳還是會給我寬容
我知道我不是一個輕易就會說愛的人
可是妳堅強的付出都改變我

太美麗太美麗
妳的愛是多麼的甜蜜
太美麗愛讓我也美麗
現在妳不必再去懷疑

當妳在風雨的未知裏走過
當我在迷失的自我的漩渦
交會在黑暗中妳我發出了新的光芒
現在我已全明白什麼是愛的真意

太美麗太美麗
妳的愛讓生命太甜蜜
太美麗只有對妳感激
越過表面我看見妳
美麗的心妳最美麗

Nope. Those aren't nice lyrics. Those are the lyrics I found so true in this one little, kiddish boy.

kawaii

2010-08-22T06:40:00.001+08:00

寶貝老公剛才超可愛的！！

睡到一半突然打過來

然後問我爲什麽沒有接他的電話

睡朦朦的老公

太可愛了啦！！！！！

I WANT TO SHOP!!!

2010-08-22T05:42:00.005+08:00

I've screwed up my sleeping cycle so bad that I slept yesterday at 930am. And clever boy called me at 12 and 2pm. The first call didn't end well cause I was so tired.

Didn't even see the text he sent me at 1 until the second call. FHL.

Slept till 630pm. Life is great when I can sleep all I want and having dinner the minute I woke up.

Oh, fattening too. FML.

And yes. I forgot to mention. Mom was niam-ing me after my 2nd call, around 3ish and I started to ignore her and fell asleep. And the scary thing was that I actually dreamed about my entire family niam-ing me. And in the dream, I was texting Xiao Hei and then I heard my iPhone message tone and woke up.

Read the message and typed in a reply and went back to bed.

Didn't realized I didn't send it out until the night. Was talking with him and he was saying that I didn't reply him. And I was like, I DID!!! And I checked and realized I didn't send it out.

Oops. I be embarrassed.

Sigh. I think I made him sad/angry/bu shuang so many times today. FML.

And I think my bill is going to be monstrous. I think I had a few good hours under my pocket. By a few good hours, I'm talking about 10 or so. Cause one call is about an hour on average and we call each other at least 6 times per day.

Oversea charges baby. I be so screwed.

And while we talking on the phone, whenever Mom's around, he would purposely say 我愛你唷老婆！！嘸啊！

And I would give this embarrassed laugh.

Then he would go 哦哦哦！！都不說了哦

And I would mumbled a reply. Sigh. There are just some stuff you just don't say in front of parents.

Speaking of parents, Mom niam-ed me on so many different occasions. She even found time to niam me before she went to bed and before my shower.

Just so awesome.

And sigh. Monthly blood donation is here again. I foresee a few painful days ahead.

Alright, I'm going to confess. I love pills. Cause you can manipulate the dates of the monthly cycle. Yep, I decide when I want them to come. But there would always be an error of one/two days which makes me oh-so-frustrated, but it's good enough.

Sigh. I want so much to shop NOW.

And actually do something.

I want so much to party. Or at least hang out with someone. During my holidays. Cause I be so bored. And all I got was a short 3 hour shopping trip with Jo and a 2-3 hour maple game with April.

FUCK MY LIFE x 100 !!!!!!!!!!

Be my judge. I'm not going to mention how he would be buay song with me going out with a girl. And she's Jo. Someone whom he knows. Not some shady girl that I met somewhere too. He gave me bad bad attitude once he knew I was going out on an impromptu manicure with her.

And when he knew I wanted to do it too, he was so frustrated. God knows why he's frustrated.

Then when I asked him if I should do it, he said he don't think I should.

WTF. I wanted to do it actually. And well, Jo managed to psycho me to do it. Okay, she didn't. I was looking at colors and she was too and I took a bottle and she took two and then, somehow I was doing my nails already.

Alright, I side track.

I mean, I have totally no idea why he would be buay song with me doing nails.

He said that no one would be seeing my nails anyway and therefore there is no need for me to do my nails. And by doing my nails, he would think that I want to go out and party or something.

Seriously?! I can do nails and look at them and be happy about it. I don't need to show anyone about it.

Plus, it's $5. FIVE DOLLARS ONLY KAY. And it's OPI. Not any dubious brand.

But sigh. Got nail polish remover and will remove on Tuesday night or something.

Oh RIGHT!!! Anyone reading this, please please please, if you know him in real life, don't tell him this 'kay?

My knuckles just healed and the mark on both fingers still aren't gone yet so there can't go through punches again, alright? Think for my hands, please. And the pain I had to endure during showers as well as clenching my fists.

Yeah, it's pretty much a soft threat. Anyways, that's it for now.

I have a lot more thoughts in my head but I'm afraid if I start talking about that, I might never end.

So might as well end with what had been happening these few days.

That's all for now. LOVES!!!

7 years later, maybe?

2010-08-18T10:53:00.002+08:00

I promise that I will marry you after both of us are done with our studies.

I don't care whether that is true or not, but it's a nice statement, isn't it?

so who cut that damn tree down?

2010-08-18T02:57:00.002+08:00

In the end...

Edison chopped down the cherry tree.
Washington invented the light bulb.

possessiveness

2010-08-17T05:22:00.004+08:00

A mixture between ultimate cuteness, sweetness and sadness.

Honestly, isn't that so?

It started off with him being insecure and then started to push me (verbally. DUH? We're kind of quite far from each other right now.) and I got speechless. Very speechless. I didn't know what to say and have nothing to say. I wanted so much to end the call there and then.

Then he continued to push me further until he heard my voice. He stopped. He apologized.

I felt even more speechless.

Right there and then, I really had nothing to speak to him.

I spoke in a monotone, I didn't respond much. He said he was sorry and I asked why.

He said he had hurt me.

I was speechless (but I spoke). I was the one who hurt him first, didn't I?

Why did he have to sacrifice and put his pride down to apologize to me? He don't have to. Though it's not as if I didn't appreciate the fact that he did.

After a little more talking, he asked if I was tired and I said yeah. I was little tired, I guess. But not enough to sleep.

Still, I said I wanted to go off. Rather than having nothing to say and end up with another bout of unhappiness, I rather we don't speak for the night.

Then, he sent a text over and I ignored him. And he sent the other. I replied. And he called back. I insisted that I wanted to sleep and asked him to call me tomorrow morning instead.

And I went to lie down for awhile. I couldn't sleep. I watched some variety show for a while and I sent another text over. Apologizing.

He called over and after a few rings, hung up. I sent a text with a simple (?) over and he called back.

We talked. But I didn't changed my monotone voice.

I couldn't decide whether I refused to laugh and joke with him despite his efforts was due to my guilt or the anger towards him.

I really couldn't decide. But I don't feel like having fun with him yet. I was still apparently feeling not that well.

Then we ended the call.

Of course, everything is well in the end. But somehow, it feels strange. Maybe it's myself. Maybe it's the situation.

And I don't know. I went over to ICA today and went on a little shopping trip after that.

Then when he heard that I'm going to shop with Jo after that, he got pissed off. I really had no idea why. I mean, if it's a guy, I would have understand. But a GIRL? Why? What? How?

He just said he would be jealous. I be scared. Why is he jealous about me hanging out with girls? Something is wrong with his perspective. I swear!!

And when I told him I might be doing manicure, he got mad too. Seriously, what?!!!

He was saying that I have no need to do manicures unless I want to show it to some other guys. He's sick in the mind!! He is!!

Okay, he's not. I mean, I don't mind guys being overly possessive over me. I secretly find it nice to have guys feeling possessive over me, getting jealous and everything. But getting mad WITH me is a big NO NO!!

HUGE GIGANTIC NO NO!!!

But there are still nice possessiveness from him too.

I got some clothes today and he asked if they were tops or dresses. I told him that it's not exactly very long but I'll treat them as dresses.

He got confused and I told him that I could only stand and sit in one of the dresses. No bending over or anything unless I want to accidentally flash or something. The hem of the dress sits nicely just at the end of the curve of the butt.

I like that length!!!

A LOT!!!

Cause of my mad short torso (when I mean short, I mean really short. My torso (shoulder to belly button) is about 16" long and from belly button to my feet is about 36" long. (And YES. I'm short. I didn't even reach the 1.6 mark so I'M PRETTY MUCH HURT BY THAT. Can you imagine when I stand with H in a lift/MRT, and even when he slouches a little, I could only see his chest area? Sometimes he would even make fun of me by pretending to look for me saying he can't see me, which makes me punch him. But I'm up to his shoulder level when I'm in my monstrous heels, so I'm good.)

And most of the dresses I saw today all ended up around my knee area or beyond which pretty much sucked.

Though that's the size that's sold in most blogshops anyway.

The blogshop that I used to buy loads of stuff from, now carries clothes at 29" onwards. Hitting 30" or beyond.

I normally tries to get clothes at the length of 26". 27" for sometimes pushing it a little too far for me. That's why with dresses that are monstrously long, I have no idea why is that so?

It's about showing a healthy amount of skin. And 30" is a very awkward length for me. Either you go shorter or you go longer. It just stops at my knee and right in the middle of my legs.

How better to spell awkward than that?

But ah wells. Back to the healthy amount of skin. H is cute in the sense that after he heard it's a dress, and how I would wear it, he insists he would have to look at it first before deciding I can wear it or not.

He spoke this in such a sweet way that I didn't mind.

He can be way possessive. But he has to be nice. Being mean that makes me annoyed with you. And by annoyed, I mean, slap in your face annoyed.

And I'm happy with what I got today. Though, I would have wished that I could have more.

And I STILL WANT MY NEW HEELS!!!

DAMMIT!!

And double damn. I'm so tired now that I think I might no sense above. But am so tired that I can't be bothered to read it again.

TOO BAD FOLKS!!!

blankie!

2010-08-15T04:08:00.004+08:00

Sigh. I can foresee how broke I am going to get after this week or so. I hate calling long distance. Hateful. Simply hateful.

Alright, I'm not going to lie. It's sweet at the moment but I got this feeling, once the time of the month (refers to the phone's billing date and not to be confused with the monthly blood donation that should be due every month) comes, I would be fucked.

I think we had at least 2 hours of call time under our belt and the thing is... he's only gone for a day or two.

I can handle 2 hours local time. No problem with that. But overseas charge? Damn.

But it was so funny. We were randomly talking about snatching blankets from each other and we recalled the other day when I snatched his after a long night of chiong-ing FYP.

Me: If it comes to snatching blankets, shouldn't I be the one who's better? Remember?
Hsiang: Oh yeah. I woke up finding I had only enough blanket to cover half of myself and half of the blanket is on the floor and you were so snug in the blanket.
(跟我搶被子，還我只能蓋一半，然後我起來看，一半在地上，然後自己蓋得超爽的)
*pauses*
Hsiang: chee bye

I LAUGHED LIKE MAD AFTER THAT.

No idea why. But I find it mad funny.

Okay. Am going to dry my hair and eat the only one egg tart left. Alright. There was only two to begin with anyways.

That's it for now.

BYE!!!!

had bleeding knuckles and short hair

2010-08-13T14:24:00.003+08:00

Just lugged a full Dior bag (not to be confused with a bag full of Dior clothes please), a Sephora paper bag, a laptop and my own bag home. How is it that it was him that is going on a plane but I feel like I had more stuff to carry than him. FML.

Again, like how I've said in the previous times, how is it so difficult to send this boy onto the plane. It's getting increasingly difficult. How I regret not listening to him when he asked me to go get my passport.

There would not be a third time where this happens. He said. I hope it's true.

And I kind of regret not taking his key when he offered. Cause I have no place to run to now when I feel strained and breathless.

It had been months since I've cried till my lids were mad swollen. But at least I aren't the only one doing that now. It was insanely funny when the two of us had swollen lids.

I swear the only ones who could roll over in laughter right after a huge huge tearing (more of wailing kind of tearing) session would be the two of us.

And OH!! Did I mention? He drew eyeliner for me today. And I'm honestly quite impressed too.

Damn. How did I smell chocolate when I obviously sprayed Dior fragrance today. And some apple fragrance thingy on my wrists. Must be the frappe I had just now.

3 more hours before he touch down in Taipei. I shall be good. Unless he breaks the tons of pinky promises we made to each other.

I'm only giving him a month this time. Any more, I'll personally wait with acid when he comes back. Yep, acid.

Fuck it. I think I miss him. A lot. I mean, who wouldn't huh? Especially when you have been seeing nothing but him every day for the past one or two months.

It had been nothing but loads of tears, shouts and laughter for the past few days.

Didn't take the money he wanted to give me. Only got $150 plus a TWD of $500 from him. Like cool only.

Spent almost $50 already. FML.

Let's hope I can find a job real soon. Real soon.

Alright. I'm going to listen to Kenji and Jam while waiting for his calls.

iPhone bill just came and I feel like killing someone. Got this feeling, the bill for next month is gonna be worst. Hate overseas charges. FML x2 with an additional dash of KNS.

I want...

2010-08-03T15:07:00.002+08:00

I'm too selfish. I really am not worth it.

Thank you for trying to reassure me. I'm not trying to give you up. Neither am I trying to give myself up.

I need time. I think.

Maybe Adam Lambert's (truly hot gay, by the way) Whadaya Want From Me came at a right time.

I loved that song.

Yes, past tense. And no, not only because I saw his unedited face.

Truth.

Promises. I loved that word.

And am still loving it.

But I'm confused. And annoyed. Very much.

I can't deny I was overwhelmed by guilt. But by now, it has morphed into annoyance.

No, not anger yet. Just mere annoyance.

Just don't give up, I'm working it out.

Please don't give in, I won't let you down.

Heck. What am I trying to say.

Am I giving false hopes?

Why am I constantly searching for a place to breathe. Maybe it's easier to live like water, conforming myself into whichever shape the container that I'm placed into.

No, that's not being flexible or versatile. That's just going with the flow. Pretty literal with that analogy too, isn't it?

Yeah. It seems way easier to live that way.

I have expectations. People have expectations. People has expectations for me. People expects me to reach that expectation. Sorry, I can't.

It's not that I don't wish to. It's not that I'm weak. It's that, I can and maybe I will do it. Just let me see a purpose in doing it. Let me understand. Let me have a place to breathe when I need to. A place to rest when I'm tired. Then I'll do it.

I'm just tired now.

I've been hiding too long. Running away for too long. It's difficult to try and face it. It's difficult to run away. But it's the most difficult trying to face it while running away.

I want to face it, straight on too. But I can't. I'm too tired.

I don't wish to say that you don't understand me. That's childish and too many had said it. It's not that simple.

It's not just about understanding. I don't care do you understand me or not.

I just want a place to breathe when I feel breathless. A place to rest when I feel tired.

I may be asking for too much. How many people could breathe? Could rest?

But I want to. I just want to take a breather. A rest.

I'm tired. Not from you. But from things.

Not from this. Not from that. It's just that too many things happened at once.

And containing within myself could not help anymore. And I can't say it out. I'm just am not used in saying it. To express.

Like a bowl under running water. Like a clogged pipe. There's only so much more water I can hold.

It's overflowing. And it's getting too heavy for me. I'm not tipping. I'm overflowing.

And I need a place to pour all my water away. But I can't. You know that. Because I've been saying it throughout this entry and everywhere else.

I don't need you to help me pour the water away. I just need someone to be the place for me to pour the water.

And by pouring the water, I don't mean I need someone to be there for me to pour my sorrows out.

Typing so many 'pours' in an entry made me think of that sentence and I got this feeling, people would misunderstand. So NO. I don't need someone to listen to me. I probably just need someone to make me smile. To make me laugh.

I miss happy times. Times where something funny happens and I laugh. And laugh and laugh. And when I think back about it again, I could still laugh.

I miss the smiles and laughter I used to have.

I long for the time where I laughed till I couldn't breathe. Where my tummy hurts. When I couldn't even stand.

Yes, I think I just want to be happy.

I'm sick and tired of being numb. I want to feel... again.

That's all I want.

shitless

2010-07-30T15:31:00.002+08:00

Oh my darling boy,

I think you will break my heart. Or hurt me really badly in the least.

Boy oh boy. You scared me shitless.

Why isn't it literal?

2010-07-30T05:32:00.002+08:00

Wow!! I'm so tired that I actually forgot I wanted to rant and simply shut down by computer. Three cheers for iPhone though.

Alright. My eyes are burning and I have no idea why am I still here. I have been working more than I expected but I don't think it's enough. I think I am screwed tomorrow and I still have a fight to attend.

FML

Ah wells. Will talk about this student abuse tomorrow. Time to sleep now.

Bye!!

Will you know the answer?

2010-07-30T03:07:00.005+08:00

I'm only giving myself ten minutes to be dysfunctional so I guess I better be fast in typing this.

I have so many other commitments, promises to fulfill and deadlines to meet that I have no idea why do I have to put myself through this.

H has been through a lot, so do I. And this isn't even what I want to talk about.

Sigh. The whole cycle is going through again.

Maybe, I should look for a guy who's an otaku. A true otaku.

I'm sorry for not being a party animal. For not liking to immerse myself in the club scene, in fooling about. I'm sorry for not even liking to drink.

But I don't remember stopping you from doing so.

I know when you told you me that the reason for not doing so is for my sake, I know I'm happy on the inside.

Who am I kidding? Of course I am.

I don't show it. I can't show it, can I?

I don't want to stop you from having fun, with or without me. By showing I'm happy when you chose not to go, I'm doing my part of stopping you. I don't want to do this, that's why I can't show you I'm happy.

I'm selfish. Way selfish. I don't want to go means I don't want to go. I know I didn't stand in your viewpoint to think about it, I know I'm a selfish bitch, yes I do, yes I do know.

Sometimes, many times, I've thought of letting you go. You would seem to be happier without me. I think you would be. But I'm selfish once again. A little part of me seems to want to hang on.

Tell me, what should I do?

If you can find happiness without me, please tell me. So I can let you go.

No matter how selfish I am, I would never be the kind of person who would want to make you unhappy with my existence. If you can be happier without me, tell me. I will let you go.

With much difficulty, but I will.

Because your heart is not the only fist-sized organ that's hurting every time you got dysfunctional and I know I am part of the cause of it.

Sometimes, I'm glad I met you during the time when I'm weakest. Sometimes, I think if I can get through that point without you, I'll heal. Definitely I will. I have friends around me. Real friends, if I am able to think that way.

I'll heal and move on. Like a brave bitch I am. And you'll still waste your life away, happily in the least.

I want to clench my fingers tightly around yours, not wanting to let go. But I don't think this little spot beside you is for me. I'm too boring for you. I'm not an interesting person. Not even fun to begin with. I don't party like you do, and I'll never like it.

We're from two different worlds. Like heaven and hell, Arctic and Hawaii. Of two different poles, no similarities at all.

I don't want you to change who you are. To compromise yourself just to be together. I want you to live the life you want. To be happy.

You can say you're happy with me. Bullshit. I know what you want. I have a knack in knowing things.

I know what I want.

I only just want to be happy.

I want you to be happy.

Together... or not.

Oh sadness sadness sadness set me free
Oh 孤單孤單孤單 let me free

MC

2010-07-29T13:02:00.001+08:00

I have ten million things to do and I'm feeling under the weather.

Am bleeding too. Dammit.

Struggles

2010-07-28T03:24:00.004+08:00

Life is all about struggling.

To either learn how to swim or die trying.

You don't have much choice. Well, actually the only choice you have is the choice of your death. And not even everyone has the luxury of making that choice.

We die. In a pretty way or not, is a different matter.

Do we die smiling or kicking and screaming is a different matter.

I know I'm going to go down and under. So I better make some plans to drag some people down with me.

I have a list and I'm not afraid of writing your name on it.

Struggle hard in life people. It's all pointless. But at least, it's gives you an illusion. An illusion of you having a purpose in life.

tired

2010-07-28T03:20:00.001+08:00

I'm tired of smiling and laughing while pretending everything is alright.

Have you ever seen a rock which bleeds?

Alone

2010-07-28T00:13:00.002+08:00

I don't like to stay alone at home.

Alright, not alone as in alone. Parents are home along with me, yes, but it's a different thing altogether.

What I mean was, I don't like being at home when H goes out.

No, I'm not trying to mean that I don't want him to have fun without me. I mean, it's alright for him to do so. I'm not that much of a possessive bitch, but I just don't like it.

It's just a feeling inside me.

Anyone out there has this too?

So torn in between letting him have fun and letting myself be happy.

Ah wells. Am chatting with people online right now. Trying to make myself a tad busier and not to think about him outside, having fun instead of being at home, accompanying my poor virtual little self.

Yeah. Think of me as a loser, please.

I think I will try to make a new look for this place and do some work tonight.

And Wei Yi is ignoring me. I talked to him and apparently he has nothing to talk to me. I feel sad.

At least GL is still talking to me. YAY.

And oh!! I'm excited about April's virgin club trip. I so wanna be there to see what she's going to do in a club. Though, there's nothing much you can do in one, right?

Speaking of virgin club trips, mine was boring. Way boring. Okay. Got to know this cute guy. Not that purposeless after all. But not in contact with him anymore. FML.

Okay. I'm bored. Maybe I'll stare at my blank wall for a while.

100 ways to say I love you

2010-07-27T03:26:00.001+08:00

I adore you.
I am infatuated with you.
I appreciate you.
I can’t live without you.
I can’t stop thinking about you when we’re apart.
I cherish you.
I dream of you.
I live for our love.
I love being around you.
I need you by my side.
I need you.
I respect you.
I value you.
I want a lifetime with you.
I want you.
I worship you.
I yearn for you.
I’m a better person because of you.
I’m blessed to have you in my life.
I’m devoted to you.
I’m fond of you.
I’m lost without you.
I’m nothing without you.
I’m passionate about you.
I’m thankful for you.
I’m yours.
Me and you. Always.
My love is unconditional.
Our love is invaluable.
Take me, I’m yours.
The thought of you brings a smile to my face.
Together, forever.
We were meant to be together.
You are a blessing in disguise.
You are an angel from God.
You are like a candle burning bright.
You are my crush.
You are my dear.
You are my everything.
You are my heart’s desire.
You are my life.
You are my one and only.
You are my one true love.
You are my reason for living.
You are my strength.
You are my sunshine.
You are my treasure.
You are my world.
You are precious.
You are the light of my life.
You are the reason I’m alive.
You bring happiness to rainy days.
You bring joy to my life.
You cast a spell on me that can’t be broken.
You complete me.
You drive me wild.
You fill me with desire.
You fill my heart.
You give me wings to fly.
You had me from hello.
You hold the key to my heart.
You inspire me.
You intoxicate me.
You lift me up to touch the sky.
You light my flame.
You light up my life.
You make me hot.
You make my heart skip a beat.
You make my world a better place.
You mean the world to me.
You motivate me.
You rock my world.
You seduce me.
You set my heart on fire.
You simply amaze me.
You stole my heart.
You sweeten my sour days.
You turn my world upside down.
You turn the darkness into light.
You’re a dream come true.
You’re a gem.
You’re a twinkle in my eye.
You’re absolutely wonderful.
You’re all I want.
You’re as beautiful as a sunset.
You’re beautiful.
You’re charming.
You’re enchanting.
You’re heavenly.
You’re my angel.
You’re my perfect match.
You’re one in a million.
You’re priceless.
You’re sexy.
You’re the apple of my eye.
You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.
You’re the best.
You’re the diamond in the rough.
You’re the one for me.
I love you.

how can a goat be a sea-goat

2010-07-27T00:08:00.001+08:00

And so, the lion fell in love with the ~~lamb~~ sea-goat

... Literally.

("V")

2010-07-22T01:24:00.002+08:00

So many things in my head, so many things I wanna say.

But I just can't say it out.

I'm sorry heart for having to let you go through this.

Dear heart,

Feel better soon, kay?

Love,
Joycelyn

Wait for me

2010-07-18T18:04:00.000+08:00

Got a million and one things in my head and a million and one things to blog.

Wait for me. I shall be back soon (hopefully tonight) to sit in front of my lappie for an hour straight without any disturbances to talk.

Good things and bad. You little site, wait for me :))

Sneezing never felt so good!! Ooh baby, yes. LOL

2010-07-13T11:20:00.002+08:00

How funny that once a bed too small for me now seems so huge just the first night I'm sleeping alone. How my own "it's-so-fluffy-I'm-going-to-die" pillow can't be compared to an arm for a pillow.

I hate waking up to people nagging and scolding me. I miss how He would wake up, tries to wake me up and fail... terribly, stumbled out of bed into the cold to switch on the heater. All the while, I did nothing but groan and fall back into dreamland.

I like how he feeds me some of his food too. Or sone of mine, if I may say.

Some may say I got unlucky yesterday. My lappie's motherboard burned and died. And I wasn't in the best of mood when I'm trying to tell H how to pay for his extension of visa.

But all was worth it the moment both of us realized it was approved. I say I got lucky :)

Wishing

2010-07-13T03:46:00.003+08:00

I remembered falling asleep beside H on the comforters on the floor just last night and having him to wake me up and shoo me to bed. I remember lying beside him the night before yesterday, talking and laughing until the both of us fell asleep. I remember the heart-to-heart talk 3 nights ago where promises and tears were formed.

It's almost 4am now and why am I alone in my bed, typing an entry.

I can bet with myself that I wouldn't be able to wake up tomorrow. And even if I can, I would miss having someone to climb out into that horrible cold to switch on the water heater for me as I continue to laze for another 15 minutes.

Sigh. How I wish he's by my side now.

愛的最高境界就是習慣

2010-07-13T03:04:00.002+08:00

我愛你
所以我想多跟你在一起

多跟你在一起
我就會習慣你在我身邊

習慣你在我身邊
我就會想要依賴你

依賴了你
我就更習慣有你在我身邊

更習慣有你在我身旁
我就更加愛你

更加愛你
我就更想要永遠在一起

更想永遠在一起
就像永遠不分開

想永遠不分開

就這樣約定好了哦

Sympathy

2010-07-12T15:23:00.002+08:00

My sympathy overflows for him. He possibly don't need it but he feels so sad.

Dear God, please make him feel better soon. But if you wanna destroy him, by all means too. Heh. Oh well, I be kidding :)

老公~

2010-07-12T14:30:00.002+08:00

It had been long. Way too long for us to be still holding grudges. Way to long for us to not be able to get over it.

The yearnings, remorse, guilt, love, affection... They are all gone. Gone from the special little place within me. Not because I'm so much of a cold, selfish and heartless motherfucker bitch, but more of the fact that I had stopped feeding that part of me.

I didn't forget G. Neither do I hate him anymore. The only feeling I had towards him would be how sorry I am towards him. Though in all honesty, I knew I've done wrong, but I do not regret one bit in doing it.

I do mention G in front of Hei. And how he'll always be mad and jealous that I kept on mentioning him. G wasn't a bad guy. I rather be the sinner in this place, but the truth might be we just aren't the right one for each other.

Maybe I can't be brave enough to burn away my masks. Maybe I can only be with a guy who can look through my masks. H had been doing it. He knows how annoyed and speechless I am, and he knows why. But a stubborn little mule he is. He does nothing to pacify me till much later afterwards.

I loved G. I ain't afraid to say. Maybe we both met the wrong person at the wrong time. But I thank the high heavens for knowing him. Yes, I love him no more. I feel for him no more, but that doesn't mean he hasn't taught me to treat my future boys better.

I may still love awkwardly, but I'm giving all my heart to H. He changed. A lot. I remembered the first time I've met him, a player in my terms. But he has settled down much.

At times, I still am annoyed with how childish and annoying he is, but his apology and concern which he showered on me once he realized I'm pissed with him makes me feel a lot better.

I love H. With him just by me, my eyes and heart has no place for anyone else. I'm so afraid one day, the one day where he is going to leave me. The talk had been on the table for months. I given him the freedom to go, if he wants to. It'll be difficult for him if he chose to stay.

He said he had nothing now. He has no more cash. Would I still stay by him. I told him all he has to do is to promise me his love. If he can, I care nothing about money. Foolish boy chose to stay. With nothing under his name.

His sacrifice touched me. I was indeed moved. The eyes that shown with love, the hands that warms my heart...

I didn't believe in true love. I keep a little bit of myself every time I love someone. I didn't dare to step outin faith.

I had no idea when did H pulled me out of this. I trusted him and bit by bit, put more of myself out. Now, I'm empty of my own but am filled with his.

Maybe, one day, we could be married. Or maybe, someday, we'll end up with different people, but no matter what the case may be, all I know now is that I only has eyes for him and I love him.

I fear

2010-06-30T12:26:00.004+08:00

It's so much easier typing all the things I feel on a screen then saying it all out loud to someone.

People judge people. It's human. It's normal.

But it hurts.

It's not that I don't tell anyone about what I feel. I do tell April. She knows too much about me in all honesty. I do tell tobi. I was IMing him while silently crying. Ment knows a lot too. And is super cute when he doesn't know how to make me feel better.

But to those whom I know would judge me, I just can't bring myself to talk to them. Perhaps I am afraid to be judged.

Same goes to those who reads the things I've written. I'm afraid of them judging me. To those whom I never ask to read my stuff start reading it, I feel insecure.

Perhaps I'm just afraid to be judged.

I know it's a social site and anyone can have access to it, but if it's someone whom I don't know, I wouldn't mind as much. Cause their words can never reach my ears. But it's so different if it's someone whom I don't know that well personally but knows me well enough to know me virtually, I start to fear.

Insecurity, some might say. But I just feat someone

2010-06-28T13:00:00.004+08:00

This is a dysfunctional period. A fucking dysfunctional period.

I'm beyond caring on who would read this already. I already am. Like what I've said previously, karma came back and bit me on my ass painfully. I'm trying to take it along my stride now.

I know I've pissed a lot of people off but honestly, I see no need, feel no humanly desire and have no mind to please people whom I don't know, much less care.

Every nerve and brain cell is telling me to be sarcastic and bitter, but my civilized self is telling me to grow up.

It's not that I don't want be nice but I got a feeling, and tha feeling is telling me to be wary. It's not due to security or fear, it's just a feeling and that feeling isn't good. And it's not sixth sense either. I just know things. And most of them are right. Sadly.

Ah wells. Stopping entry for now.

How much lower?

2010-06-27T03:00:00.002+08:00

Karma comes. Maybe not immediately but it surely does.

What I did to a particular guy came back and bit me in my ass so painfully. I'm not complaining, but I took off all my sites off FB.

I really want to be alone now. To want music bombard all my senses. For now, I don't want to think, neither do I want to feel. I don't want anyone to be by my side now. Do I need or not is another story but all I know is that I don't want it now.

I've became so pathetic. So pathetic. Crying in the washroom, how much lower can I fall?

Tell me, how much?

SONGS!!!

2010-06-25T03:27:00.002+08:00

Have been listening to a lot of MVs for a moment and neglected my FYP. I suck. Oh yes, I do.

So... here goes a few:

Gary - Supermarket (Oh, I absolutely adore the lyrics and want someone to sing that to me. So many of his songs are suitable for boyfriends to give to their girlfriends. Seriously!!)

方大同 - 愛愛愛

郭采潔- 笨的可以 (I love the lyrics but hate the part where it's about leaving)

郭靜 - 我不想忘記你

郭靜-明白KTV

小宇-愛上

丁噹&五月天阿信 - 花火

方炯鑌(阿鑌) - 壞人

郭靜 - 在樹上唱歌

梁文音 - 最幸福的事

Poor one

2010-06-24T00:08:00.002+08:00

Someone came over today.

And poor thing had to down everything I've cooked.

LOL.

And wash the dishes.

我過的很好

2010-06-23T05:22:00.002+08:00

我過得真的很好
很幸福

只要不斷的這樣告訴自己
好像就真的能成真

只要不要讓我聽見一首傷心的慢歌
否則我的努力好像就會化爲烏有

不斷的告訴自己
不讓自己去想
不允許自己難過

其實，我只不過是想開心多一點而已

多少人肯問你身邊的朋友
“你今天好嗎？”
然后用心的聆聽他的回答

我現在真的過得很好
很幸福…

我真的很愛這個男生
每次只要跟他在一起
我就不想離開他的身邊

可是我們的未來好像好模糊
我真的看不清

他對我很好
也很愛我
他很為我著想
也很保護我

幫我夾菜
縂把最後一份留給我

做他不喜歡的事
只因爲我喜歡

為我擔心
寧可事情發生在他身上
也不要我去承受

他的衣服都是有一定價錢的
有人弄到就會不爽的他
下雨時
會把他的外套脫下
給我蓋著我的頭

爲了陪我
都不跟他的朋友出門了

愛跑夜店的他
因爲我只愛賴在綫上
他就開始變成宅男

我真的愛他
真的真的很愛

我真的看不見我們的未來
可是我真的很想和他
手牽著手
一起創造出屬於我們的將來

他說過的一輩子
說過的永遠
說過的在一起
說過的不離開

真的能實現嗎？

random

2010-06-21T03:53:00.002+08:00

It's 4am and I have a stupid headache (got this feeling I got it from H) and an early class tomorrow.

Stayed over at his place from Friday onwards.

Forgot that today was Father's Day.

To know where I've been, check out my foursquare.

And till next time...

finally an ambigous blog

2010-06-18T02:44:00.003+08:00

How is it that I felt it was such a long time since I last post an emotion-filled entry when the truth is, it is longer that I had posted something that was truly about my day and what I've done.

I could have talk about my loots (which I don't particularly like, by the way) and I could have talked about what happened today, but I just felt like talking about my feelings.

There are times where I really want to write something down, but I was so afraid someone would read it. I still find the oppressing pressure in letting someone know me so thoroughly.

Probably I'm not afraid of showing my true self and what I think to the world but rather, how would the world judge me and my true self. No wait, not the world. The world doesn't judge me, people does.

I want to talk about how I much I love this guy. I want to talk about how bad I felt every single time I got depressed and disappointed. I want to talk about my anger and frustration towards the things that I cannot change and be certain of. I want to talk about how hopeless I felt towards myself. I want to talk about the annoyance and stupidity about the people around me.

But every time I tried to talk about it, everything just turns into pretty masks with some hint of truth in them. Point being pretty masks and hints.

H once told me how he envy that I can look at everything with such a positive outlook and believed that everything could be solved. I smiled and said that truly everything would be alright.

Little did he know that though I might not be the melancholic person in the world but I have my own share of despondence.

How many times have I hated the world around me. How many times have I been angered at the situations I've been in. How many times have I cried without allowing myself to. How many times have I feel like tormenting myself till the point that I've completely died on the inside.

I didn't show it. I couldn't show it.

I am dysfunctional, no doubt. I wasn't born that way, neither was I raised that way. I made myself this way.

Every time when he said something that had silently put a stab through me, a course of pain ran through my heart to everywhere else inside me. But I didn't cringe. I couldn't cringe. I couldn't tell him that it hurts. I wasn't taught to do so. What I was taught was to smile and pretend it doesn't hurt. To laugh it off and have another little piece within me wither and die.

We were made to believe that being positive would make us feel better. That being happy would change everything. But I weren't happy then. I can't be. But I can't change the way I'm handling either. I've been doing this way too long for me to change.

Every time he said something it hurts, it does hurt. To the point where I feel it in every single part of myself.

But every time I've hurt him, it hurts too. The pain felt way stronger than how it feels when he hurt me.

I couldn't tell him that it hurts when he hurt me. Neither can I tell him that it hurts even more when I've hurt him.

Like a droid, I wasn't programmed in this way.

Like a droid without a heart and emotions, I don't know how to feel and neither can I feel.

Like a droid who throws away everything that she has, in exchange for one thing, for love.

She got her deal and she got to love and to love. But a droid is a droid. She can't love and don't know how to love. She can't feel and don't know how to feel.

But a deal is a deal, and all she knows is that she really do love her boy...a LOT.

天氣好冷空氣好稀薄

2010-06-15T22:55:00.002+08:00

天氣好冷
空氣好稀薄

你怎麽能充當我生命裡的太陽的空氣

一旦感覺不到你的存在
似乎就感受不到溫暖感受不到氧氣

現在天氣好冷
空氣好稀薄

Surveys. Sleepy time NAO

2010-06-15T03:10:00.003+08:00

Last Person...

Person you hugged: H
Person you texted: H
Person to text you: H
Person to call you: H
Person you called: April
Person you kissed: H
Person to sleep over: I don't think anyone slept in my house before. But the last house I've spent the night would be... er... H's house, I guess?
Person you hung out with: H + Sunny for movie. Then home with H.
Person to make you cry: Mom.
Person who made you smile: H

When Did You Last...

Take a shower: 2 hours ago.
Hug someone: 3 hours ago.
You cried: Yesterday
You called someone: Today afternoon
You texted someone: Awhile ago.
Had chicken nuggets: A few nights ago.
Failed a test: CHOY. A long long time ago.
Went to church: A even longer time ago.
Went to camp: Secondary THREE.
Bought something: Today's supper.

Where Was the Last...

Place you rode to in a car? Home
Place you ate? Bed. But if you mean outside, it'll be Cine.
Store you went to? 7-11
Place you had ice cream? H's mom's friend's house.
Mountain you climbed? Err, I stood on top of a Mountain Dew can, can that be considered?
Camp you went to? Secondary 3 camp.
Place you put your phone? Beside me.
Friend's house you went to? H
Concert you attended? Tze's concert.
Place you went for a party? Can't remember. Some club, possibly.

Love Life...

How is your life right now? Having its ups and downs.
Any crushes right now? Yes/No.
Is there anyone you wish was still in your life? Nope, not really. Okay, maybe some of the cute regular guys at Kpool can stay :D
How do you feel about your last ex? Bastard fucking jerk
How do they feel about you? Bitch.
Can exes be freinds? Yes. Maybe?
Have you ever been in love? Yeah.
Has your heart ever been broken? Yep.
Have you ever broke someones heart? I hope not.
Are you happier single or in a relationship? In a relationship. Though there are less reasons to be sad when single but the reasons to be happy are not as intense too :D
How many people have you slept with? Slept as in healthy sleep? No sex or stuff? If it's relationship wise, it'll be 2. If it's with friends-wise, count the amount of times I've went to a chalet.
Is it okay to have more than one bf/gf? Nope. Sorry, no.
Dates: Group or One on One? One on One.

Favorites...

Food: Fries.
Movie: None.
Activity: Sleeping. Onlining.
Vacation Spot: No idea.
Music Type: Pop
Animal: Puppies
Vehicle: Sports :D

TODAY:
What is today's date? 15th June 2010
What was the first thing that happened? Meaning 12am? Seeing it's only 3am now. I was with H then.
Who was the first person you talked to? H
What was the best thing that happened so far? The loves and kisses.
What was the best thing you've eaten? Rollercoaster.
Whats the worst thing you've eaten? I only just had rollercoaster.
Who were you with? Alone, for now. With H then,
Where did you go? Home now. H's home with him.
What did you wear? A long tee with shorts and a cardigan when I was outside. Tee and shorts now.
What did you buy? Nothing. 3 hours into a day. I'm not such a shopaholic yet.
What was the best song you heard? Monster.
What's the funniest thing that happened? Between H and myself.

TOMORROW:

Whats tomorrow's date? 16th June
Got any plans? Yes, school.
Is there anything you HAVE to do? Yep. FYP and PD
Who are you going to be with? School. HELLO?
What would you like to get accomplished? Work done.
Who are you definatly going to talk to? April. H.
Do you have to go to school/work? Yes. SCHOOL.

FUTURE:

Who do you want to marry? H
When do you want to get married? 2 or 4 more years down the road.
How do you want to get married? By signing the papers. That's the only legal way now huh?
Where do you want to settle down at? Depends.
Whats your dream job? Being a rich tai tai :D
How many kids do you want? None.
What do you want your kid's names to be? Jia Hui.
Do you want to have kids early or later on in life? Later on. If I must.
What kind of house do you want to live in? Villa :D
What kind of car do you want to drive? Sports. With a chauffeur. I be scared to drive.
How many and what kind of pets do you want to have? Puppies. One would suffice.
Where do you want to go to college (If you haven't already)? Yes.

痛太美

2010-06-13T20:30:00.003+08:00

So many things that happened. Remember how I said I can quarrel with my 老公人（老公 + 老人） everyday? I realized we can even find some stuff to be unhappy about when we have a 4 or 5 hour flight in between us.

Yeah. He wasn't that happy lately because of the pressure his father was giving him. Seems like he might not be able to stay here for long.

And we ended yesterday's call on not such a good note either. We were talking about us.

Sigh sigh.

But was a little better today.

And I made the first move in texting him. Me!! You know, me? Making the first move in contacting a guy. Now, yes. You didn't see it wrongly.

Shan't type the whole thing out. Cause I'm lazy. But here goes the text that I like.

嗯嗯~ 只是剛起床想聼你說這句而已 ^^ 那沒事了，回去睡覺了… 呵 ^^

想聼？那我就一輩子講給你聼！老婆我永遠愛你！

我想…　我真的真的很喜歡我老公
不過，知道縂有一天他會離開我身旁
好像深深地墜入進去
但我畏懼的是
儅哪天他已不再接住我的時候
我跌的會很重
跌得粉身碎骨…

Please stay?

2010-06-12T21:14:00.001+08:00

Had a phone call with H this morning.

It wasn't the best call of all. Seeing the news of him not coming back is on the table again.

Sigh. I don't wanna him to go.

I really don't.

I really really don't.

FTW = Fuck This World :D

2010-06-12T04:58:00.003+08:00

Man. I just spent a few hundred bucks on online shopping. And if you must know, I don't do online shopping because I had a phobia. I got like 70 odd dollars cheated before. Like someone ran away with it. Totally disappeared.

So, that's why I don't really do online shopping, like anymore since then.

But I went onto this website and got hooked on. And I spent another few hundred dollars there. And I'm so afraid that they wouldn't confirm my order. Yes, I've already transferred the money, FYI.

So, yeah. One of the weighing things on my mind.

Another? Oh man. Please don't let me start ranting on H. Seriously.

I can't take drunkards. In my past and now. Yes, even now.

I'm slowly taking a lot which I didn't do in the past. I used to not say lovey dovey stuff at all. You would most probably see me dead first before I say "love you" to a guy and seriously mean it. Ditto that to talking about how I feel, backing down or fighting back, I used to just let things go. Like, go.

So, I've been trying hard enough but honestly, I CAN'T TAKE DRUNK PEOPLE.

And don't understand how come drunk people can't control themselves.

Well, I've gotten drunk enough before. Drunk enough to push someone away and almost looked like I'm picking a fight. Yeah, Michael looked at me and said, "How come you act like you are drunk when you didn't drink." I looked at him and grinned and he went, "OH!"

So yeah, I did get my fair share of drinking before but I don't say anything wrong. I know if I start saying anything, I would say some really ugly things out so I don't speak. I just stand in a corner, hug a random girl (that I know, please!!) and mumble, "I'm dizzy. I'm feel like I fucking want to puke". And when people knows I'm in this state, this normally just ignore me.

They know I would continue like this until I recover slightly. And if anyone talks to me, they would get ignored. If anyone touches me, they'll get pushed or punched.

Yeah, I'm not at all a nice girl once I get a good amount of alcohol in my system. But I normally refrain from doing that because I hate drinking with people I don't know. And most of the time, I'm there with people I don't know. The only time I got that drunk as said in the above was because I was sitting beside this guy who was bored and I told him I don't play, and so I drank.

So yeah, we basically drank and drank. And just continue to drink.

That's why I got that said drunk. But I was still clear of what's happening. I just felt dizzy. And I didn't puke. I insist. I just felt like it. I didn't!!

But yes, that's why I said, I have no idea why some people couldn't control their speech. As long as someone doesn't touch me physically, I would basically just ignore everyone. And even if someone talks to me, and I'm on okay terms with that person, meaning my friend, not just any person I've met twice, I would talk to that person. Normally.

Yes. I still don't get how H calls me when he's drunk and he just go ahead and sprout nonsense. I couldn't stand it. How I wish he would just shut up and not call me when he's drunk.

It's better guessing that if he's drunk or not then hear him spouting nonsense and therefore knowing he's drunk.

If he's going to call me and tell me that he's not going to come back to Singapore, then please, tell me when you're awake.

Or if you're going to tell me that you're clubbing and have girls by your side, please, I rather you don't tell me.

Because I really don't know if you're being serious or not. Because most of the time, you speak a lot of truth and have your true emotions magnified when you're drunk. I'm serious. I've observed.

So yeah, when you tell me that, I automatically goes into a red alarm zone.

Save both yourself and myself the trouble and THINK, for goodness sake, think before calling me.

Better, just send a text over would do fine. And for anything else, wait till you wake up then talk about it.

I've seen you talk when you're drunk and you know what, I'm much happier with you telling me the same things when you aren't.

Because at least I feel like I'm talking to some person who is going to tell me this seriously.

And to be honest, I would feel easier to give in and the ache for losing you when you're awake rather than you're drunk. It sucks to talk to you this way.

So signing off in a very annoyed and pissed mood,

KTHXBAIIII!!!

Fuck this world. Peace!!
(LOL!!)

Depression is proportionate to the money spent

2010-06-11T03:12:00.004+08:00

Sigh. I hate it when I feel down. Cause I'll spend money like mad.

When I mean like mad, I mean like MAD.

I think I spent like 500 odd dollars today.

Man. I hate feeling depressed.

all it takes is a call to make me feel damn depressed

2010-06-10T23:05:00.003+08:00

*laughs*
Please stop going into my account. Only two computers can log into my account without logging me out.

One is the one on my own laptop and the other is on H's Singapore laptop. So yeah, thanks :)

Anyways, am so broke now. I think I'm only left with $40 in my POSB and 100 odd dollars cash. So so broke now.

Got an adapter from $140. I think I almost sprout expletives when the Harvey Norman sales got the adapter for me.

But ah wells, I need an adapter and I got one. I have nothing to say.

And got an m[phosis bag. Wanted a transparent bag but only saw a fish netting bag.

Would have gotten that as a replacement but it looks a bit too cheap. Too cheap. So got another one instead.

The m[phosis sales asked if I was a Singaporean and me, being pissed replied:

I AM a Singaporean.

Then I realized I was a bit too fierce and smiled and said, yeah.

-interject-

Ran just called me and the first thing he said was, "What are you doing now?"

That took me quite by surprise. Was never close with him enough to actually think that he would call me up for a chat.

Well, we did talk about H, and to be honest, I don't think I have much to talk to him about unless it has something to do with H.

Yep. End of interjection.

So, got my bag and then home I went.

Reached my house and saw a KFC delivery guy in front of El's house. Laughed and told him I got KFC too.

Went to his house and munched with him. And Pang pang was so cute. He actually climbed onto my lap. Though in all honesty, I heard a crack when I fell to my side along with him.

I hope it wasn't his nails.

Sigh. I don't feel like blogging anymore. So shall stop now.

P/s: I like the hem for my stockings today.

P/p/s: I have no mood to transfer the pictures now.

P/p/p/s: H just called and I told him I was helping Ran. And he was super pissed. And when I mean super pissed, I mean super duper pissed. Sigh sigh.

reassurance

2010-06-09T06:19:00.002+08:00

After H went offline, I happily started to play sudoku because it had been such a long time since I last played it and I got such a huge book ages ago, so might as well continue.

Was playing it and a text suddenly came over.

老婆我愛你！永遠~永遠~ 我都是你的笨老公唷 ^^

嗯嗯！！我永遠的寶貝笨老公~ 我也愛你喔！！愛得我只想儅你一個人而已的乖老婆 ^^

哈哈！恩 :-) 老婆我真的很想你… 我現在真的不能沒有你了… 我真的愛你

我也是真的很愛你呀 :) 嗯嗯~ 所以就要永遠在一起啊 ^^

哈… 我們一定會的！我的林依靜老婆 :-)

嘿嘿~ 嗯哼，一定會的！陳建翔老公 ^^

哈… 恩恩 :-) 剛剛有點小亂… 哈！也不早了老婆不去睡嗎？

嘿嘿~ 不亂不亂~ 因爲無論怎樣我都只可能愛你一個而已… 嘿那會不早啊？現在明明就早上啊 ^^ 嗯，你也是厚…還沒睡喔？ ><

嘿嘿… 恩！我們都只能愛彼此唷！:-) 哈！差不多了吧… 你也去睡啦！別讓我擔心唷 ><

嗯嗯！只愛彼此 :) 哈… 不用擔心啦… 我都睡到中午的說 ^^ 嗯嗯… 那就去睡吧… 嘿 :)

Honestly, this is unlike me.

I had the same feeling as him before. Ages ago, months ago. When he was still clubbing and stuff, I had this 亂 feeling once and I texted him. I asked him to assure me and he couldn't. He honestly couldn't.

I asked him if he can promise to never leave me, he couldn't promise me then. All he could say was that he loved me.

I know very well, loving is one. Staying is another. He couldn't assure me. I gave up.

And if it was me half a year back, I would have taken my revenge. I call it payback.

Heck!! I wouldn't even bother to assure him. I would make him feel how I felt then. But I didn't. Because I knew what I wanted to hear from him then when I was confused, and I know that feeling. And that feeling, isn't pretty at all.

I assured him. A little bit, but I tried to assure him.

I know I didn't get any reassurance from him months ago. When he wasn't that serious in this relationship, I know I have any right to get my little taste of payback on him. But I didn't want to.

Sigh. I think I really love him now. Too many signs now. Too many.

And I'm hungry. Shit. I ate so much and am still hungry? Fuck!!

shoppppinnng

2010-06-08T22:19:00.004+08:00

Shopping mania!!!!!

Basic tank

Shorts

Bangle

Romper

Bangle

Err, some oversized shirt?

Yet another oversized shirt

Yeah. You know I got this liking for oversized tees. Shut up!!

Dress. I'm having the suspicion that the prints would be ugly in real life

Bangle

So, should I buy them or should I not?

a photo

2010-06-08T21:41:00.004+08:00

I'm bored.

So bored. But I still don't want to start on any work yet.

Yes, you know my routine. But I'm so lazy, I don't even want to change my desktop picture.

I actually wanted to but I can't be arsed to do it. Laziness FTW.

But I still can be bothered to do a few clicks.

Maxed out the blue and red.

And oh. I did slight PSing over here.
Larger eyes.
But with the same huge noses.
And I did nothing to get rid of his 擡頭紋
I find it funny.

Okay, I'm bored even writing this. Shall go do online shopping now.

BYE!

truly random

2010-06-08T18:22:00.006+08:00

Sometimes when I feel the need to humiliate someone...

And when I have no one to humiliate, those closest to me shall beware.

Nah, I be kidding. I am doing my mandatory clearing of desktop routine and I found some photos. I have nowhere to put it up and so I shall place it here.

Let's start of with the hot ones:

Cloud. Hot or WHAT?

Inuyasha. Equally hot.

Then now for the clothes I wanted to buy but am too broke to buy:

And now, for the humiliation. I'm so sorry 老公, I didn't mean to. But it was too funny to resist.

Yes, I honestly just can't resist posting this. And yes, he was wearing boxers. Please!!

And for the times where I am absolutely bored:

And the things we talk about on MSN which are ridiculously boring:
(Mind you, I'm copying and pasting and no screen-shooting, leche for me can)

這個你應該看的懂
有一點台語

V^^V 爽！

看的懂??\

嗯？
他的字幕都是中文的不是嗎？
所以看得懂啊
>.<

嗯嗯
唉唷!!
不可以小看你捏!!

大師誇獎了
._.

哈哈
誇獎老婆壓^^

嘿嘿
嗯
暗喜
^^

哈
愛你唷!!老婆

哈
也愛你！
老公

^^

嘿嘿

嘿嘿~~

嘿嘿嘿

嘿嘿嘿嘿嘿

嘿屁屁哦
這麽多嘿
呵

好啦不嘿
台妹!!

誰?
誰台妹？
你台妹？

哈
誰知道呀!!

哦哦
那這樣… 一定是你了囖
呵

哈哈
我的~~ 老婆

不是台妹
^^
是大姐
呵

哈台大解

哈哈
嗯呀
是大姐
呵呵

哈
好啦
台大解老婆!!

呵
你有個台大姐儅老婆耶
呵
這麽囂張哦
哈

哈哈當然壓有靠山嘛~~

哈哈哈哈！！
嗯嗯
姐姐會照顧你的
呵

哈哈
不是當初說好事我照顧你的媽?

呵
你要順便照顧我媽哦？
不介意啊
呵

抓語病唷!!

嗯嗯
跟我寶貝老公學的啊
呵
學得不錯厚

恩
他交的好

還有不是語病… 是錯字
哈
他才沒教
是我偷師

喔喔
這樣強唷

對啊
他只會教我變台

對啦對啦我只會交你這個啦

還有交給我幸福

恩^^
愛你

哈
嗯
也愛你啊

嗯嗯^^

嘿嘿

還在看大學唷？

哈哈
不是
等5點看娛百
終于有一點點不一樣的了
哈1

哈哈
你得生活好友特色唷

呵
謝謝你厚
你不要我看電視
然後我也不想做功課

哈

就… 真的沒事做啊
呵

看電視好呀
又沒說不好ˊˋ

嘿嘿… 嗯呀
可是… 這種生活就是變胖子的生活
雖然我也沒在否認我是胖子的事實
哈

哈哈

沒關西啦
我也變胖了ˊˋ

哈哈
你那個不算胖好不好
ˊˋ

算小胖
你大胖!!

你根本沒胖好不好
我這個是超大胖
呵

哈
好啦
胖老婆^^
愛你呀~~

哈哈
也愛你啊~~
好老公
呵

在看逾百了!!

對啊~

哈哈

沒說很好笑耶

去看八^^

>.<
嗯嗯
嘿
^^

老婆我先下了唷~~~
晚點聊^^

TSH

2010-06-08T07:44:00.002+08:00

Laying here on my bed, typing this entry with my newly bought 3GS, which will soon replace by 4 in a matter if a month's time. Forgive me but I find the need to vent...

TMDKNNBCCB!!!!!

Okay, venting barely done but I can vent it in a special post all by its own.

So, to talk about what I wanted to talk about.

I was lying in my bed singing 啊飛的小蝴蝶 to myself, thinking about the past.

And when I mean the past, I mean a good five years or so ago.

Sigh. There was a really nice guy then, not good looking at all, but is quite a well known person in our level.

His studies were relatively good, and he held several positions in school.

We never went out but we did 曖昧 on between.

I can still remember the times when he move away from another girl when I see him merely talking with another girl. Just talking, I turn by head, accidentally seeing them together and he moves away from her.

And the two of us aren't even together!!

How I wish H would do so. I think he needs girls by his side a bit too much.

Honestly, if H could do that, I would think that he's perfect already. If he could do that...

6:51AM, as of now

2010-06-07T23:39:00.002+08:00

I realized I keep on blogging excessively these days are because I got nothing to do and I don't want to start work. I know I should, but I really don't wanna!!!

*whines*
I suck!!

And when I don't wanna do anything and that I'm bored, I blog. In between chatting, listening to songs on Youtube and singing it out of tune without a care in the world, watching 大學生了沒, playing Mall City (it's a very boring game. Very, very boring game.) and spot the difference on Facebook.

The only highlight of my day is probably the overseas calls and texts from 老公. Yes, very pathetic, I know. Shut up!!

But I'm still going to be super thick-skinned and not going to stop talking about my little snippets of highlights.

Well, unless someone asks me out to do something soon, you just to bear with me.

Plus, I have been on PMS for the past two nights. So beware. It's a sign. It's a warning.

Sigh. I always hate it when I see H comes online but I don't have a chance to talk to him. Because he really rarely do come online. Chatting with him via internet is like... well, it's not THAT rare, but still, rather infrequent in my definition.

And ohmigoddddd. It was such a coincidence. He rarely initiates a conversation but I wanted to type something to him then he sends a IM over. So cool!!

Anyways, this is sweet. I was telling him that I was chatting with April and Desmond about breakups and he was telling me, why am I talking about something that would never happen to me again.

SWEET TO THE MAX!!!

Seriously.

And when he called me earlier that woke me up from my sleep. I had no idea how he managed to wake me up, seeing I didn't set vibration mode and I didn't set any volume to my phone.

So after telling me what he was going to do, then we hung up. It was a short short call. Then I was contemplating if I should go back to bed, he sent a text over. Knowing his standard of English, I wouldn't expect an English text.

Though honestly, my first reaction was awww, but my second was, WTF is this structure.

FOREVER LOVE U!
MY ONLY WIFE!

Honestly, what kind of English is this. Well, if you translate this to Mandarin, it should be easier for all of us:

永遠愛你
我唯一的老婆

Make sense now, doesn't it?

So yes, went for a shower just now and missed his MSN and well as call. Then tried to call him back but it couldn't get through. Then he called me back and said he was watching some horror movie with WJ.

He said WJ was lying on the floor and I was asking him why don't he share half of his bed with him. And his reply infuriate me so much that I pretended not to care.

He actually said that if it's a girl, then he would share his bed.

Am not happy about the nice and sweet stuff he had said. Cause it doesn't matter anymore.

LOL to myself!!

Anyways, it's almost 7am.

While blogging, I had MSN chats, 大學生了沒ing, snacking, showers and most importantly, singing on Youtube. Such fun.

I actually contemplated about going singing K by myself. It's so hard finding someone to go with me. So might as well huh. Spend a good $20 for 4 hours, alone there. Singing without a care in the world.

And oh. I'm on my monthly blood donation. I know I said it up there in the entry. But I still hate it. Period. Oh, no pun intended.

Okay, I'm not happy with H but I can't deny the fact that I misses him mad loads. He's going back on Sunday!! Yay!! But he's taking the night flight meaning, I don't think it's possible for me to appear miraculously at the airport as well as in school the next day.

Bummer!!

eating

2010-06-07T06:43:00.002+08:00

I realized I'm getting so much fatter these days that I actually do feel guilty eating.

And I'm not the kind of girls who don't eat, and with a nibble of a cookie would feel like I am a sinner or anything along those lines.

I'm the kind who eats at 4am in the morning and is stopping at nothing unless it's nuggets, popcorn chicken and curly fries. Yes, I ate all those in the morning.

I've been eating mad loads.

I had chicken rice, zi char, satay bee hoon, 4 packets of sultana biscuits, sour cream and cheese cookies (real cheese, mind you), a plate heaped of the above said nuggets etc stuff.

I don't think it's wrong for me to feel guilty.

And I haven't even shed the 4kg I've put on since 2 to 3 months back.

The thing is, I feel immense guilt but that does nothing to stop me from eating. Tsk, I'm screwed.

Anyways, just had the longest call with H for the past 2 days plus 3. Thank god he called my own line. But that means, I've to pay.

OKAY, I'M SORRY. BUT I'M POOR. I GOT THIS THING WITH PAYING. ALRIGHT?

I find it ironic that H is worried that I'm going out to play when he's not around. HELLO? Shouldn't it be the other way round? He's the one who always go out to play, not me. So why in the world is he getting worried?

But am glad of some other things he said. I can say it here but I think I shan't turn anyone off reading this.

It's something sweet!! Don't think too far. LOL.

MSN - I secretly likes this feeling

2010-06-06T22:28:00.002+08:00

I like this feeling. And I'm going to flaunt.

老婆 !!
我打給你怎沒接?

哦哦… 抱歉
我剛才在洗澡
><

害我擔心死了!!

還有… 我沒挂你電話啦
欸？
怎麽擔心啦
我又不會有事
呵

哈因為關心不到你押ˊˋ

嘿~
愛死你了啦~~

恩也愛你

嘿嘿
^^

剛剛找你禿然找不到很擔心押ˊˋ

對不起哦~~
下次不會了

哈恩恩!!
愛你唷

嘿嗯！
也愛你
呵

老婆我等要回家先

嗯嗯
那等下沒事在聊吧
><

愛你老婆

也愛你想你哦
老公
~

恩恩^^

嗯

^^

^^

yeah, judge me.

2010-06-06T14:40:00.005+08:00

Pardon me for my lack of intellectual posts... well, ever since 1412 entries ago.

So, I shan't change much, eh?

I know I'm going to sound annoying and fucked up but WHAT DA HELL ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME.

Yeah, I'm getting defensive and typing rubbish because I don't want to whip out my iPhone in front of Mom.

But now she's gone...

Time to shower some smses all the way from TW. It's a love/hate relationship with contacting him. Both the phone bills on my two phones are rocketing and I hate it. I mean, I'm paying for it and I hate it. Absolutely hate it. But I'm trying to save myself by keeping everything really short. If I can end it, I will.

I'm dirt poor already.

But still... here goes:

我愛你！老婆 :-)

老公 ^^ 我也愛你！

還沒睡唷？><

一直睡超淺的… 一下就醒來一次… 呵 ><

哈… 是唷 :-( 我超想老婆的唷~!

我也超想老公的說 :(

哈哈… 沒辦法呀 :-( 誰叫我們傢老婆跟我這麽恩愛呀 :-)

呵… 恩愛喔… 那來親一個… 哈… 被你這麽說，想你好像變成好事了喔 :P 嘿

恩！親~~ 哈… 才不想在跟你分開了啦！才幾天就超想老婆的！:-(

嗯呀~ 超不喜歡這種你不在旁邊的感覺 :( 才過了兩天而已就超想的 >< 呵！等你回來要補回沒見面的時間… 哈

恩！我回去就整天黏著你！因爲我也超愛，超想你的！

嗯！就這樣説定了！不黏就煩死你！呵 :) 嗯~ 你那裡和我這裡好像沒時差耶~ 還不累喔？

嘿嘿！一定會黏你的啦！哈… 要睡了吧 :-D 老婆晚安囖！:-) 一輩子愛你唷~！

哈！嗯嗯！晚安囖 :) 愛你

movies, malls, friend's house, zoo, parks and restaurant

2010-06-06T01:47:00.002+08:00

~Movies~
1. Do you stand up and/or clap at the end of a good movie?:
Nope. I stand up and leave after the lights/subtitles come on

2. Have you ever cried in a movie theater?:
Yep.

3. What’s the most you’ve done in a movie theater?:
Done in a movie theater? What do you mean? *squints* I have people spitting popcorn seeds and throwing popcorn, as well as having stupid boy putting his feet on my legs or kissing.

4. What’s some of your favorite snacks to eat at a movie theater?:
Popcorn. Nuggets. Nachos. Pasta. Depends :D

5. Do you sneak in drinks and snacks so you don’t have to pay the high prices?:
Yep, we do. Until I started to know the beauty of having guys who generously treats people to food

6. Last movie you saw in theaters and with whom?:
Marmeduke. Tun Wei & H

7. Where do you usually sit in the theater (front, back, middle, etc.)?:
Depends which are the seats available. But preferably, back though.

8. What do you do when you’re alone in the theater?:
I don't buy the tickets. I don't really like to watch movies alone.

9. What’s the best and worst movie you saw in theaters?:
So many movies watched, no favorites.

10. Have you ever had to sit on the floor because the theater was too crowded?:
Nope. I don't think we could. But I sneaked into a movie once before though.

~Mall~
1. What’s your favorite mall store?:
No preference

2. Favorite eating place at the mall?:
No preference either.

3. Do you like it better when the mall is dead or more crowded?:
Dead. But the mall can't be a boring, rundown mall.

4. Do you stay away from malls during holidays?:
Nope. I stay away from malls everyday

5. Last thing you bought while at the mall?:
I can't remember. I don't remember buying anything the last time I was at the mall.

6. Name all of the malls you’ve been too.:
HUH? This will suck. Northpoint, causeway point, jurong point, IMM, J8, AMK hub, cine, centerpoint, 313, orchard central, hereen, fep, ion, paragon, taka, ngee ann city, wisma, the one with the bape store (can't remember the name), vivo, bugis junction ... omg, DO I STILL HAVE TO CONTINUE?

7. Pick your favorite mall and list your favorite stores in that mall.:
No preference adn guess, no preference.

8. Which do you like better; the escalator, elevator or regular steps?:
Elevator. But if it's a crowded mall, escalator works fine... unless it's like Cine where there are 9 levels in total (not inclusive of basements)

9. Do you and your friends ever go to the mall just to look at hot guys/girls?:
Nope.

10. What’s the name of your nearest mall?:
Northpoint

~Friend’s House~
1. Which of your friend’s houses is the biggest?:
Valerie had the biggest house until she moved out. So now, it's a tie between a few of those stupid expats.

2. And the smallest?:
IDK. I shan't say.

3. Do you use good manners at a friend’s house?:
The first time yes, the rest? No.

4. If you eat over, do you eat all of the food even if you don’t like it?:
Nope. I eat a polite amount

5. Do you call your friend’s parents “Mrs.” and “Mr.”?:
Nope.

6. What’s the worst thing you ever did at a friend’s house?:
I slept.

7. Which of your friend’s parents is the best cook?:
IDK.

8. Which of your friends live the closest to you?:
April

9. And which lives the farthest?:
Mike

10. Do you like hanging at a friend’s house or your house better?:
It depends on which friend you're talking about over here.

~Zoo~
1. What’s your favorite zoo animal?:
Otters. Penguins or polar bears work fine with me too

2. Has an animal ever peed on you from its cage?:
Nope

3. When was the last time you were at a zoo?:
A few months back.

4. What’s your favorite part of going to the zoo?:
Nothing

5. Do you ever feed the animals when you’re not supposed to?:
Nope

6. Are you afraid the animals at the petting zoo are going to bite you?:
Nope. Because I don't go there

7. Has a duck or goose ever chased you for food?:
Nope

8. Does it bother you when you see people taunting animals?:
It depends on the level of taunting as well as the age of those people who are taunting.

9. Aren’t zebras basically horses with stripes?:
I don't remember them belonging to the horses. Are they?

10. Have you ever thought about setting all the animals in the zoo free?:
Nope. I be afraid to.

~Park~
1. Which is better; the swings or the slide?:
Depends on who I'm with. But if I'm alone, both works well. One lets me swing gently and the other, lets me lay on it and look up into the sky... and getting my eyes burn.

2. Do you see parks as romantic places to be?:
Nope. I see it as mosquitoes feeding royal palaces.

3. Don’t you hate it when you fall and hit the woodchips?:
Nope. I hate it when I fall and scrap my knees and palms

4. Have you ever jumped off a swing and broke a bone?:
Nope

5. Have you ever climbed on top of the jungle gym?:
Nope. I wanted to but am always scared to.

6. Do you get dizzy from the merry-go-rounds?:
Yes

7. Which is better; parks with lakes, benches and serenity or parks with swings, slides and noises?:
Serenity

8. Where’s the nearest park?:
Yishun Park

9. Do you ever go to parks just to sit there and read/write/do homework/etc.?:
Nope

10. Do you go to parks after it snowed to slide down the slides and stuff?:
I hope it snowed

~Restaurant~
1. Favorite restaurant?:
I don't have one. But I had been eating at Xin Wang a lot lately.

2. What do you usually order at it?:
Pork chop baked rice and cold soya milk

3. Do you ever order a bunch of stuff just to take it home and eat later?:
Nope.

4. Fancy restaurants, diners, or fast food?:
Fancy restaurants. But fast food works well as take aways :D

5. Don’t you hate it when people order hamburgers and stuff at fancy restaurants when they could’ve just went to McDonald’s?:
Nope. Not really. Cause I'm one of them.

6. Is a date to a restaurant sound romantic to you?:
Average.

7. Do you order more when you don’t have to pay?:
Nope. On the contrary, I order less.

8. How much of a tip do you leave?:
Depends.

9. Have you ever gotten horrible service?:
Yes!

10. Worst restaurant you’ve been to?:
Err, can't remember but prolly one with bad service and bad food... and bad location too!!

how long should you wait before getting into a new relationship

2010-06-06T00:56:00.002+08:00

Was watching 大學生了沒 and in that episode, it talks about how long after a breakup can you go into a relationship.

And there was people who said on the day itself of the breakup and a girl said she only got a new guy two and a half years later. Though during the time she had people going after her and everything, she still felt like her heart wasn't healed yet.

Wow to girls like this. Wow, seriously!!

But the 醫師 in that episode also said this. It depends on each individual as well as if you're the one being 甩 or the one who 甩 the other party.

Okay. I went to my old archives and looked through everything. I got ditched on the 8th (because it was after 12am when we had that msn/call thing) and only went into a new un-serious relationship on the 27th.

Alright, I can't deny I'm attracted to H then. Sigh, I still feel weird saying this, the "I-am-attracted-to-him" thing, I suck.

Anyways, what I wanted to say is, I can't deny I'm attracted to H during that time, but to be honest, any guy would do then. Any guy who cares for me and could accompany me, I wouldn't care who he is. I would literally take anyone.

Just that I got lucky and I got someone who's rich and well, nice to me.

Fine. He wasn't that nice of a guy in my opinion. I mean, he's sweet to me and everything but I am looking for security in a relationship ever since my failed ones. And sometimes, his actions doesn't give me that. He said he'll change and I really hope he does. Because the things he does without telling me are also things that he had done. Stupid him thinks that I wouldn't know.

I'm getting a lot better these days. I have people telling me the things he'd been doing. The thing is, I don't even ask them. Wow to these people. Don't stop 'kay? Keep on telling me.

It's always good to gossip around at times, I've came to a realization.

Anyways, the breakup duration.

I remembered talking with Yiannis then (I don't talk to him anymore. To be honest, I don't talk to any more of Gary's friends anymore except for Angela. I don't know why, but I find it awkward to talk to the others. Not that I know a lot of his friends anyway, thank GOD!!) and he said if I went into a relationship then, it will be a slap in the face for both Gary and myself.

Yeah, it was on White V day when H asked me out for a movie or something. I didn't go and Yiannis was like, yeah, I shouldn't have went.

I didn't think I was ready yet either. I mean, I was talking to H everyday at that point of time and things were getting quite a little 曖昧 in between but we weren't technically together. I don't think I was ready too.

I was a lot better and I don't love him anymore then but I don't think I wanted to go into a relationship that soon.

Yes, I was sapping concern from everyone around me. I wanted to feel love but I was afraid of the pain that might come again.

I hung out with H a lot at that time because no one gave me concern like he did. We were friends theoretically then but he waits for me everyday and sends me home even though I live really far from him. He asks me out on my rest day and often texts me.

I guess I just need someone there and he was. Slowly, I had no idea when we started. I had no idea. But we just got together, I guess.

In all honesty, we don't need each other. Anyone could stand in either one of our positions and work just fine. I just wanted a real person to be there for me, to heal me and he just wants someone there. I guess he still wanted to play at that point of time.

But it slowly grew upon us. I never believed in marriages. It's a commitment to heavy for me.

He's still a little kid and believe in love and being together forever. He believed in marriages.

I didn't trust love but if he wanted to, I will. I mean, I got nothing to lose right. That was my thinking a little further after getting healed.

And right now? I don't want to think. I am afraid of what might happen. Of course, if it's a happy ending, all well would end well. But what if it doesn't? I am afraid and that's why I don't think. I don't think.

Sometimes, I think I got into a new relationship too fast too soon from the previous one.

But then again, I would think. I wasn't the one at fault so why should I feel guilty. The only guilt I'm feeling would be towards H. But he wasn't that serious at the start so we both, well, talked about that before.

Still! I am glad that both of us decides to be a tad more serious now. Yes, serious to the point where marriage is in the picture. But that would be kept secret. Way secret.

Shit. I regret starting on this topic too.

KTHXBAI!!

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXY

2010-06-05T23:42:00.000+08:00

老公老公老公！！！

calls

2010-06-05T20:45:00.004+08:00

Loves to boys who calls long distant calls just to 報平安. It's so sweet of him. But I'm still worried for my bills. I'm still worried.

And even though he promises not to drink or club, I still got this small feeling that he's not going to keep that promise and normally, this small feeling in girls are very very accurate in predicting these stuff.

Alright, even without talking about that feeling, I'm still very angry with the incident on Wednesday night. It's unfair for guys in wanting the girls to feel secured with them, to be assured by them when their actions speak otherwise.

He can say he's torn up when I tell him I can't trust him, he can say that he can't put in real love if I don't, blah blah blah... But if he can't assure me, if he can't give me security in the relationship that I need, how in the world can I trust you and love you?

But so far so good. Though today's Saturday. The clubbing night over there. Let's just see what time he's going to call me tonight, if he's calling that is.

Hei Show

2010-06-05T02:05:00.003+08:00

Now I know why 老公 said he wanted to take one photo before he goes to TW yesterday. (There is a reason why I'm not calling him H now)

'Cause I realized I am constantly flipping through the photos on my computer, looking at the photos both of us had taken together.

Man. This is barely 24 hours. I suck.

We were still hanging around together last night.

And oh, 老公 and I are both really good kids. I've no idea why but Ran asked if the two of us H-ed before (see the reason as to why I don't think calling him H in this entry is appropriate?) and I said no.

Ran was so so surprised and I asked him why. He was saying that a couple sleeping together for so many nights together, didn't we actually do it. I was like, nope, we play around but we never H-ed before.

Anything in depth shall not be discussed any further. Because I'm kind of regretting even starting on this topic.

MOVING ON AND KTHXBAI!!

H

2010-06-04T21:54:00.002+08:00

I know H isn't one of the best guys in the world.

He's an absolute bastard especially when he's drunk.

Maybe just only about a bastard when he's not.

Yeah, hardly a good man in my definition.

But there are times when he makes me go awwwww.

Just the other day when we were having dinner at Cine, I wanted my Korean stonepot rice and ordered it stupidly.

(Sidetrack: That stupid boy called again. Loves!! But my phone bill!! Cries!!)

Okay, so I ordered it. Then a little into eating, he turned towards me and asked me that I can't eat spicy stuff right? I said yeah and he was asking if the rice was too hot for me and if I wanted a drink.

All of us were awww and I was so happy.

Or times when he kiap food for me. Or knowing that I like eating MCD (he doesn't like it) and ordered it and ate with me for 2 nights straight. Loves!!!

Or when my feet and ankles are killing me, he will make me walk slower or carry me up for a while. He's so cute.

Okay. My noodles are almost overcooked.

Kthxbai!

photo

2010-06-04T16:34:00.007+08:00

Finally, I'll be a good girl and stay at home for the next week. No more staying out and no more not coming home for a week anymore.

I can't post some photos onto Facebook (because it's quite... well, let's say, it's fun and shouldn't be seen by a lot of people) and some, not even supposed to appear online. Those who shouldn't appear online wouldn't. So whatever I'm going to post now or onto FB are screened personally.

Was a good girl. Bought breakfast for everyone in the house. But that was something in last week... I think. Haven't been at home for the longest time already.

Map to look for the Singtel shop in Bugis. I was almost lost. Tsk!!

See Ment's name? :D

Fucking unglam. But I look so serious over here. Complete with Dior and Coach wallets, phones, Prada glasses, student pass, passport-sized photo, photocopied copy of student pass and tons of paperwork. It's as if I'm interviewing H or something. And am almost without makeup because I see no need to put on makeup to go to a school.

Unglam H with his in-the-process-bleach

Tun Wei and H

Loves how Tun Wei arches his butt over here.

HR and H, the love scandal

HR forcing onto H

H fights back

And kiaps him.

Little did he knows HR likes that

And he lost the fight and lay there tired and exhausted, waiting for whatever to happen to him

Yeah, like so.

Then comes WJ. Soon it became 3P

HR still liking it, WJ being forced and H trying his best after getting 糟蹋 by HR

Err H, I think you're a bit too high over here
(Truth: WJ hit him in the crotch while I snapped away laughing)

More normal photos over at FB: CLICK

I can only...

2010-06-04T14:48:00.001+08:00

Sitting in an empty cabin at Marina Bay station, it's not exactly a bad feeling but I'm feeling a slight longing in the pits of ny tummy.

I'm always the one sending people onto flights. Why? Tell me why? It used to be so much easier sending boyfriends onto planes, why is this one so different?

Shit! I am scared to really fall on love with this one but it seems to be too late to be saying this now.

Thank goodness he's coming back in a week or two. I've been staying out too much lately. I haven't seen my parents in a week already. Oh god!

I hate myself for saying this but I think I miss him. A lot.

Ran was asking when we began and how we started. I told him I don't know and I'm not even kidding about it.

I told him that I started going out with him because all I wanted at that point of time was someone to be with me. It could be anyone, I just wanted someone.

And I was truthful to him too. Told him that I told H in his face that I wanted to split with him everytime he got drunk.

Guys are guys. Once drunk, they're all the same. Don't quote me but you can take my word for it.

Had a lot of sharing with Ran. Though not a lot from me. I keep my private stuff private. Those who knows me will know this about me. But I do find out a lot if private stuff from him about him.

My gossip intake for today is done. I can sleep happy now.

But seriously, I don't want to love this guy. I got this feeling I would get hurt again and I don't want to go through that again.

I can only take this much. Sigh. I can only take this much...

Home

2010-06-03T00:51:00.002+08:00

I'm finally home!!

Well, not entirely. I'll still be staying out tomorrow but will be home on Friday. Wait for me!!!

I will be back!!!

At Supwercut

2010-06-01T17:53:00.001+08:00

Best thing about iPhones are they are able to minimize boredom to the very least.

But it sucks when the battery is going to die. Cause all I get is a pretty phone, a pretty but dead aka useless phone.

And the last hit came when both my phones are going to die soon. How lucky can I get? Seriously!

Plus, listening to them chat while pretending to type on iPhones are quite fun too. Cause the secrets. The gossips. Loves!

Okay. I'm bored now. Shall go online now.

Kthxbai!!

it has only been 4 days

2010-06-01T04:40:00.004+08:00

Everything has been going around like a whirlwind around me and I have lost all total concept of time. Honestly, all concept.

I was talking with Pam on Sunday and was asking why isn't the 8th floor opened and proclaimed that it was Friday. Both Pam and H looked at me as if I was mad before I heard my own gasp and realized it was Sunday.

Seriously, can you even blame me for that?

Let's see...

Friday was a holiday and I slept around 8am that morning after eating MCD's breakfast delivery. Then woke up a few hours later and went over to H's house. Went to Cine in the night. Sat in the cashier with Wendy for a little and snatched her jobs from her. I think I like working in Kpool a little bit too much.

Mandy came soonafter and asked me to work in her stead. I told her I can until H wants to leave. Somehow, given a choice between hanging out with the people I worked with and H's friends, I'll stick with the people I know. Even if I've ate, slept under the same roof, hung out together with H's friends before.

Anyways, Ken did call once and he asked me who am I through the phone. Told him I'm Joycelyn and he thought I was Joycelyn Ang cause he told me that he forgot to let me sign some event thingy which happened earlier that day.

Damn. I thought I could get some free money.

Anyways, after going off from Kpool, we initially wanted to check out the Prince of Persia but tickets were all sold out until unearthly hours.

Home, we decided to go back to. We were waiting for the cab in front of Centerpoint and there was this lady with a bag and a puppy inside. H was playing with it and suddenly got the idea of freaking the puppy out with my IC. It indeed got freaked out. I be rejected by a puppy.

Then someone asked him to go supperclub and I said that he can. Seeing it will be a nice change for once for me to go home on a Friday night. Yes, for once.

Things got a little rough between us that night. Then he complained about being hungry and I was irritated enough with him and shooed him out for supper.

You know the traffic lights between Bugis street and Bugis Junction? We crossed the street from the Bugis street to the half of the streets legally. Meaning, green man.

But for the other half, it's the red.

Little did we know there are two cops there ambushing people who crossed the streets illegally. Am so pissed.

Took both our ICs down and I remembered not even swearing slightly. Yes, I was that pissed with H to even care about that. Man, I think anger is a scary thing to have within ourselves.

Went for supper at LL and told him that he can go clubbing. I'm not going to stop him. Then he said that he's gonna be a good man and wanted to leave. I was pointing towards the counter and he realized he haven't asked for bill. I be embarrassed if I had left with him.

We were talking in the night and from some trust question, he then asked me if I trusted my 老公. I asked if he wanted to hear the truth. He said yes. I said I still don't believe in love.

He turned around and not spoke for a while. When he finally did, he said that tore him up a lot.

I think I fell asleep for a little while.

I woke up after a while (or so I hope) and tapped his back which was facing me gently, asking him if he was asleep. He made some indication that he wasn't but it was obvious enough and I decided to not take that as a hint.

I turned around and laid on my back.

He then too turned around and laid on his back. I turned my head towards him and looked at him. His eyes were opened but they weren't looking at me.

I grabbed his arms and said the lines I had rehearsed in my head for the past 2 minutes before tapping his shoulders,

I asked him if he can promised me three things. He didn't agree to it but asked what was it. I told him that no matter how good or hot or cute or pretty or nice the other girls are, or no matter how bad I am, and no matter what happens, he can't leave me.

He looked at me and said he'll promise me.

I knew that trick worked. Well, not exactly a trick, but better than what I would have done in the past. At least, I'm facing it straight on now.

Then I was like, asking a bit more questions. Like no matter how hot the other girls are. He said he can. I said no matter how mad I am, no matter how easily I lose my temper, he said he can. I asked if I don't accompany him and ignored him. He said, if it's only for the first week, he'll let it slide. If it's two weeks, then he'll miss me a lot. But that's the most he can take. But if I'm always at home, be a nice girl as I always am (on the surface) then he'll be okay even on the third.

Yes, little things like this can work. But it wasn't exactly a trick. Part of me wanted to tell him that too. Insecurity on my side. I am a very hard person to be assured, I know.

Then things picked up and we talked and laughed till 7 plus 8 before both of us fell asleep.

Woke up around 3 or 4 and I got my shower. YAY!!

Went to Cine wanting to watch Prince of Persia but the next timing that was free was almost 1am and we were there at 9pm. The rest of the slots were full.

That's why we decided to go to Iluma. Got a 11.20pm slot and we went home to kill some time before going to Iluma to watch it.

He went clubbing after that and I went home.

Sunday: Went over to Bugis to get an Iphone. We had to wait for an hour and a half before our turn and I always went mad hearing that duration. H then suggested for a book and coffee and I think I liked that idea, a lot.

So we went to kino and I was looking through books and him through magazines. I decided that I wanted to get a book and he paid for mine. Twice the price of his even though I've thought to pay for it myself.

Went to J and Co and had our coffee and doughnuts before heading over to Singtel when I got their text. Afterwards was to to his place again. He was honest and told me where he went. But I forgot. I mean, I was concerned. But I don't want to feel sad because of the attention he's putting somewhere else. And by that, I mean fun... for now. Until I find some other things.

Hung around a bit before going over to look for Pam. Stole takoyaki from her and it was yum!!

Watched sex in the city 2. Awkward because I didn't even watch the first one and decided to choose that movie.

Had pork chop baked rice after that. I think I have this thing with baked rice lately. I swear!!

After dinper (dinner + supper) was Suitez. Didn't wanted to go and he presumed I was going to go with him. Where is my voice? I thought I was entitled to one.

Went there and webcam. I don't sing with people I don't know, period.

Cam with WY at first and it was disastrous.

H knew I was webcamming with him and left us alone. But Michael just have to come along and asked if I was camming with a guy. I said yes and he went over to report to H. I can has sharp ears if I want to.

Michael was telling H I was camming with a guy and H was saying he knew I was. He was my senior and had seen him before. Then Michael must have given H some funny ideas and went over to where I was and pulled up their shirts and wriggled their tummies for WY.

I be embarrassed.

Then I talked with WY for a little while until I realized I wasn't paying enough attention to H and went over and talked a little with him. I shouldn't have left my cam untended. I really shouldn't.

Michael went over and humped the elephant chair in front of it then EVERYONE joined in.

Michael, Tony, Tun Wei, Xiao Yu and H. I think. The only person that didn't join in was Jia Bao's boyf.

Then WY just went canceled the video call and I was so apologetic.

But he wasn't the last one. Cam with GL next and I think he had the same fate. Just a little better. And he saw me slipped off the sofa onto the floor. I be embarrassed for long now.

I love friends who cams with me whenever I'm bored. But seeing how crazy those people are, I think I won't have a lot of cam friends by the end of this month. Which is pretty much... end of... err... JUNE! Yeah, JUNE!

Then they went to JB's house without asking me... again. H! Where's my voice again? Did I give it to you when we made the deal?

When over there and played with my Iphone and talked a little with the girls. Then they asked us to play 5-10-15 in the huge group.

Forfeit for guys were to have their nipples clipped and tugged off with clothes pegs while girls have the easier one.

H was super nice to me but when asked to changed seats with XY, he was so worried for me. He was like, if I lose, he'll shield it for me. I was happily embarrassed but asked him not to do it.

I lost once and was asked to drink beer. I gladly do so. Because before and after my lost, I was terribly terrified.

All the guys have been pegged. No one left unharmed.

And halfway during the game, H found those types of hangers with pegs on them. He adjusted the pegs and realized it can be used. 'Lil Tony had that 5 pegs in the night.

I can't decide if I were to laugh or feel the pain. I think I felt both... in a super sadistic way that I wasn't happy with.

Played till 7am and all of us were super tired. Then home we went and H just drove me to his house. I thought of going back to my own house. My voice, boy, my voice!!

But I didn't resist cause I was super tired. Fell asleep around 8am after setting the alarm at 1030. We wanted to get breakfast. Okay, I wanted and he liked the idea.

But when I woke up at 1030, I turned around to reach for my phone and that action woke him up. I looked at him and saw his eyes. I promptly turned around and pretended that the time is not yet here.

Then woke up around 11 plus and read the book I got at Kino.

Read till 12 ish 1 before going back to sleep. Woke up at 2pm by H and went for a shower. Had a little talk with Ran about the game we had the night before.

Then while waiting for the heater to heat up, I went back into bed disturb H again. Ran came into the room and asked a little about how our night was. He was saying that he saw two corpses as he passed our room while going out.

He was saying how I was lying on my side and H on his back. I was disturbed as to why he remembered how we slept and myself remembering him for remembering how we slept.

LOL Okay, actually I wasn't.

Then went for my shower. I love sitting in tubs showering but the only thing I hate is the getting up part. I always feel fat getting up.

Make up while H showered. And went to look for schools with him.

The first school was a bitch in all honesty and the second was amazing. I mean, ties is one thing. But knowing a lot of people and get into school based on such are another. WOW is one word I can think of, then and now.

Then went to PS for my screen guard. Had pastamania before that. Had chicken ham and sausage baked rice again. Remember what I said about the thing with baked rice?

After getting food was to get a screen guard for my iphone. I noticed how I never really paid for my own screen guard. Heh.

Slept and talked until night where I asked if he wanted MCD delivery.

Ordered mad loads for both of us and we can finish it.

We got a fish fillet, a mcspicy, 3 packets of fries, a 6 piece nuggets and a 20 piece nuggets and 3 drinks. We fucking finished it. Now I know why we're getting fatter.

Then talked a little bit more till 330 and he sent me home. Before going home, I asked to check my account and I think I died a little on the inside.

Sigh, I really am on a spending spree lately.

And he asked me to go out with him tomorrow. And accompany him on Wednesday. But he has tuition in the morning and I have some concert thing in the evening. Then he said he wanted to go with me to Universal Studios one of these days and he's leaving on Friday.

How tighter can our schedule be?

And he's coming back on the 13th. YAY to him for really coming back so soon. YAY!! But the thing is, my school starts on the 14th. He said he felt like spouting expletives after knowing that. I laughed.

OH!! I really am being affected too much by H. I mean, being the one who does a lot of actions, I am kind of used to it following by how he loves to pretend/act. But speaking like him? Oh god!! Oh god!! I actually said XXX si sa siao? (Meaning what is XXX in tai yu.) He laughed a bit too loud and long after that. I be troubled.

And he's mean. I wanted to poke my forehead and poke me in my left eye instead. He laughed hard and long too. And said he actually say the himself poking in my eye. I swear it was from the punch and kicks I've given him. I swear that was revenge. LAUGHS!!!

Okay. I'm tired and it's 6am now. GTG!! BYE!!

hungry

2010-05-28T06:21:00.003+08:00

TMD. I can feel the flu bug. Scratchy throat and running nose. Oh fuck.

And I'm not going to sleep tonight. Am going to stay awake till 9am and order Mac Delivery. Then it's going to be a crazy day tomorrow. Total madness.

I can feel my insides dying slowly already. Arghs!!

Martel

2010-05-28T04:22:00.001+08:00

I knew it. He was drunk. Finally made him go to bed.

Now, time to really do my RJ.

work work work

2010-05-28T02:34:00.002+08:00

EEEE. 笨老公 still not home yet.

Stupid or not. No more breakfast tomorrow. Confirm!! I actually really wanted Mackers breakfast. How how? Should I wake up before 11 just to go eat?

Okay. He just came home. I suspect he's drunk. Either that or he is feeling darn sick. Or hungry.

And he's clever. He knows I'll always oversleep. So instead of telling me it's 1pm, he's telling me it's 12pm.

WTFFFFFFFFFFF!!!

Speaking of oversleeping, I've almost been late for the entire week. Been cabbing and that sucked!!

Supposed to reach school by 945 for CME class and I went out of my home at 925. Supposed to reach school by 1200 for Sound for Media today but only went out of my house at 1145.

So so sucky. And daddy is not driving me anymore. Cab money is killing me. Period.

But how weird does it feel that 100km/hr on short distances felt so slow but 80km/hr on flyovers feel so fast. Seriously.

I think their speed meters are rigged.

*squints* I be kidding.

Okay. It's almost 4am. Better do my RJ NOW!! Then shower and sleep. Got to wake up at like... 11am. Sucky times two.

Speaking of which, I was so tired on Weds cause I was awake till 7am writing reports that when I was sleeping in the afternoon with H, I kept him awake with my snoring. Funny max!! Poor him. He was so so tired.

Okay. RJ time now. NOW!!

And this stupid boy is only home at 3 plus in the morning. And sounds as if he's drunk. Is he trying to piss me off... again?

Especially when I push off all my work for him. I'm shaking head at this boy now.

On a steeeeeeeck.

2010-05-27T23:41:00.005+08:00

A lot of things are happening lately and I almost thought I am going to die. But I still got through. YAY!!!

Will do a proper entry one of these days about what exactly has been going on with me. When I find the time after finishing reports after reports.

Anyways, had a really special surprise from my 笨老公 today.

Initially didn't want to invite him for coffee today at all but he suddenly became so weird last night. So I asked him out for a little while for coffee today.

Went to NAFA TCC directly after school. Asked H to go there directly. Didn't bother to go up first anyways. Loved the cafe to the max.

I was alone for the first 15 minutes and I had the best chillax time in AGES.

Lazing there sipping oreo mocha and flipping through CLEO and playing soft music. Best chillax or what.

Then H came and he wanted to sit with me. Stupid boy. Then he started to lie on my arms. Double stupid boy.

Damn uncomfy. And he was complaining that he was freaking tired and I asked him to go home first. I wanted to chill. Period.

Then he gave me the look and I asked for bill. Sigh. I suck.

Then went home and we had a little small talk. It was good. But nothing can change the fucking awful conversation last night at 5 in the morning.

FIVE IN THE MORNING. Sucky way to go to bed. Seriously.

But remember the little surprise I mentioned earlier:

I can has a stick.

You know a stick?

A hard stick.

Surprise surprise.

笨老公

See the little white piece of paper in this stick.

You're not going to see it.

色員外s

2010-05-24T22:37:00.003+08:00

OMG OMG OMG!!!

I only just recalled about this. I found it so funny and was laughing at it as it suddenly pops into my head.

H and I were talking about 色員外s (please don't ask me how we talked till that point, I really have no idea) then he did this kiss, the kind where he presses onto the lips then lets go with a huge muahhhh kind. Then he was saying that all the 色員外s are like this. Contented with just one huge kiss. Kinda true isn't it? All the 色員外s in those old pok movies always chase the 丫頭 around just to only kiss them.

Then we were talking on how to reply my mom's "where is home" and we were talking and kidding about. I have no idea how does he make me laugh while I should be stressed out thinking of a reply.

I was asking if he was trying to kill me and he did this index finger wave in the air. I was like "WTF" and he said it means "You've got it." I laughed and said something else. Then he did the thumb point towards himself and I asked if it's "I've got it". And he was like "You've got it" Yes, I can get tickled by things like this. I suck.

And we were talking about something else, then he pointed his index finger and thumb to each of us and we two said at the same time, "We both got it".

I think we do retarded things when we're bored.

OH OH!! Back to the 色員外s.

H was also saying, "色員外s 每次都這親了一下之後就超開心的. 色員外s：Yes, I've got it"

LOL max. I have no idea how to put it across in a funny way but who cares? I just have to find it funny, that's all it matters.

Anyways, then at another point of the night just before we went out for our crazy huge supper, he was lying on my leg and I was semi-sitting/lying on the pillow that's propped up against the wall.

So he was pointing his finger on his lips hinting me. If I was sitting straight, I would be able to bend down easily. But I was sitting in this slanted position and that's why I can't.

Then he just grab my head and gently pull my head down. Then we just had one small peck on the lips and I went back to my slanted lying position.

I was complaining to him that it's difficult for me to bend over in my position and pretended as it was a very tiring task, and started to pant as if I just finished running.

So he said, "Later the two of us goes out of the room panting and everyone else asked us what were we doing in the room. And we'll answer, we were just kissing. And it was just one kiss. It's a feat by it's own"

I was laughing and agreeing.

Yeah. I'm not sure how many people have I turned away by writing this post. I don't like my posts being filled with love stuff anyways. But it's my life. And I think it's funny. So sue me.

Anyways, RJ submission is in an hour's time. BYE!! RJ time!

XM, not to be confused with XMM

2010-05-24T21:36:00.002+08:00

Called H and Xiao Mai was there at that time. Then had this very brief conversation with XM.

黑：小麥問你說他好不好看
我：我不記得他的臉耶… 不要這樣告訴他！
黑：她說她忘了你的臉
我：欸！！！我說了不要跟他講啊！
黑：那我問他你漂不漂亮
我：還是不要！不要問！喂！
麥：我也忘了他的臉了
我：黑，那你幫我跟麥說，說他超帥頭髮超屌的
麥：哈！她也超正身材超好的

呵呵呵呵！！

就北7一族嘛！

數到五答應我

2010-05-23T18:34:00.000+08:00

All I ask for is a boy who can sing to me 數到五答應我 and mean every single word from it.

still a lot more, but it just can't fit in

2010-05-23T17:03:00.002+08:00

I'm back and finally woken up.

Okay, maybe not finally. Because I only slept for 9 hours. That's all. Hardly an achievement. Plus, I woke up tons in between. Yeah, so what achievement?

So let's see what happened this 2 days where I am miraculously can't be found online. Which I don't think anyone would even bother about it... because no one cares about me. Boo hoo. Ah well.

Friday. Instrumental design. Was almost late. But wasn't. But I skipped class. If I was late, then I wouldn't even bother to skip class. Cause... it'll be a maximum C if I do my RJ. But if I wasn't late and I skipped, it'll be a C with the same RJ.

So I skipped. Told H but he was sleeping then. Then went online and saw Jo. She said she was bored and so I went down to look for her.

Was really bored there and got Hooch. Tastes... horrible. But I finished it all nonetheless.

Then took a cab down to H's house. Did my mandatory check on Facebook, twitter as well as XX (Xiaxue's this time round, not Xiao Xiong)'s clicknetwork.tv and then, H came to my side then sighed and went into his room.

We have this cycle every single time I go over to his house.

I do my stuff, he gets pissed, he goes into his room/find someone else and one of us has to give in.

So I gave in and went into his room. He was all huddled up in his covers and I didn't bother to go and unpeeled all that blankets around him. So I just went onto ebuddy with my phone. He then climbed out of that cocoon and then we sort of am okay with each other.

Compromise, as I call it. I would go and look for him but he has to come out of that cocoon of blankets too... and talk to me first.

And so... I think we slept. Two of us were damn tired. I talked with him till 5 plus in the morning and went to bed. And he went out. When I woke up at 830 in the morning, he only just got home and was going to sleep.

The two of us were so sleep deprived, we literally fell asleep on the comforters on the floor.

I can't remember if we both climbed onto the bed. All I know is that both of us was dead tired.

So woke up and went to watch Shrek. It was boring. But at least it was short. Yeah, typical happy movie. Morale of the movie? Treasure your love.

Then those people wanted to go Arena. So, went grudgingly with them.

The bouncer wanted to check my ID. I think I was really happy. I mean, check my ID? I am happy.

Then let H play for awhile. Then went home.

We fell asleep after just some short talk. Woke up at 7 because H woke up. He was feeling really bad and I tried to ask him what's wrong. But he couldn't really speak and I kept falling back to sleep.

Finally tried to properly see what's wrong with him and then he seemed to feel a little better after a long while then we fell back to sleep. Woke up and went back to sleep until 3 ish 4.

He went to shower and I went back to laze in bed. Talked until Ran's godmother brought food over. Yum! Ate and went back to talk with him. Then he realized he had Show's concert today.

I was telling him that he can go to the concert and I could go home. Seeing that I haven't been home for a day already.

He was like, it's okay. It's okay. But it was so obvious that he didn't know if he should stay in or go to the concert.

Eventually, Ran's took his ticket. But I had to help him to finish his work. I did one of it in less than twenty minutes. He was showering and dressing up, and before he went out, I already finished it for him.

The other one, I didn't finish it because H wasn't happy. He did the went-into-the-room thing again. Sigh. I'm such a sucker whenever he does that.

I login to my facebook on his laptop before I went out of his room. Because I wanted to check for notifications. But I haven't got the chance to use it. Then, when I went into his room, I saw him on that page, doing something. Not sure what because he went to another page soon after. Damn.

Daddy did call once during that time. And I was listening to it and H was like, patting my head. Guess why. Yeah, I got a scolding. Duh. But after hanging up, I told him that wasn't the once, and he did saw what's worse than that later on.

Then talked a bit more until Ran came home. After talking to him for quite some time, Ran said that he's going to go clubbing. So talked a bit more with H before deciding that we were hungry.

Told him if we're going to go out and eat, I want to take a shower first. So took one around 230ish. Reached the eatery around 3 plus. Both of us were starving!!

Ate super loads for supper though. We got 魯肉飯，炸雞肉，蔡卜蛋 & 豬肉丸Udon. Then I got this red bean something something. It IS awesome!! Only the thingy that is awesome in my opinion.

The rice was too sticky. The chicken was too dry. The egg was too salty. The udon was too sour. Oh man!! Argh! Spent thirty, forty bucks on this. Money wasted max!

So, went home around 4. Sang with youtube for a little while and I told him I'm max tired. Asked him to let me sleep till 5 before going home.

Both of us was in this filthy mood because we were too tired.

Then around 5, I finally climbed out of bed. Went down to help PY transfer the money. It just fucking can't transfer. I have no idea why and how.

Things got a little ugly after that and I'm not going to say much.

H really has a bad temper when he's mad. I didn't know he actually told PY to stop bothering me with all these. I wasn't even bothered in the first place.

And was surprised he actually told her what he told me. I mean, I thought there is still some social courtesy that you don't say everything out to another person. Respect, as to what I'll say.

He was pissed off by her attitude and she didn't mean it.

This I can see very well. Sigh.

Anyways, I was actually too tired to help the two of them and went to sleep actually.

*guilty frown*

Sigh. I really don't know what's going to go on from this.

Plus... things are not going to be pretty on my side either. Fuckers!!

truu truu

2010-05-21T04:02:00.001+08:00

Three consecutive days of calls plus webcam today.

LOL.

EEE

2010-05-20T19:11:00.002+08:00

Sitting in front of the TV sipping Genami Green Tea and licking my lips that tastes like Bee Bee is awesome. But I feel so fat. So damn fat now.

I ate like 15 small pieces of sausages, 3 pieces of bread sandwiches, a pack of dark chocolate M&Ms and an entire cup of Bee Bee. Seriously, so damn full and bloated now.

And poor. I spent $30 on a school day. And I didn't even go out. How did it happened?

Anyways, I realized I would only feel like blogging about unhappy things. Which suck. I should also write things that make me happy right?

But let me get the angry stuff out of me first.

H is seriously annoying. Alright, at least he tries to hide it from me but it doesn't work.

I mean, it's okay if you want to SMS each other in front of me. But make it a little less obvious can?

Tun Wei and Hei, each was on my right and left. Then H mouthed to Wei and then H started to take out his phone. Then W took out his and replied. Then H phone rang. Then H replied and W took out his phone.

HOW SUBTLE CAN THIS BE?

I mean, I am seeing the humor in this already.

Anyways, they just went to Supperclub and that stupid boy still tried to lie to me that he's home. And calling me outside the club doesn't help.

I mean, my ears are almost fried for an audio student but I still can hear. I recognize EDM when I hear one. I mean, EDM-club music. Who can I blame?

Oh!! Did I mention? I'm super proud of the fact that I am able to hear and know what style a music is.

Stupid awesome senior sent me one of his mashup and I was saying the beats in the first few seconds sounds quite china-ish and he said it was a china team who remixed that song. AWESOME OR WHAT?

Anyways, it was so funny today. I texted both April and Randal and called them asking them where are we supposed to have our lesson today. And both of them didn't reply me. So when they came, I told them to 跪下來 and both of them did.

I was laughing my ass off.

And today, when NK accidentally kicked my screen and he just looked at me with his knees bent, seemingly as if he wants to kneel too.

Super kneel-ish day today. LOVES!

Anyways, H called me just now. He suddenly hung up after saying some, then don't contact lor (I don't even know how we ended up like that) but I'm not going to ring him back.

I mean, if he expects me to do so, I'm not going to. Just to spite him.

Okay. Just woke up.

Sent a text over.

Feel super nauseous now. FML.

MSN

2010-05-18T01:16:00.003+08:00

Didn't bothered to talk to parents tonight.

Was so worried just now.

You tell me scary or not?!!

And please. Don't add his MSN, kay?

Revenge is a bitch. And it shouldn't be happening here

2010-05-17T21:19:00.002+08:00

I'm a nice person on most days. But I do get pissed if things don't go my way.

And seeing how things aren't going my way, a tit for tat. I don't care who you are to me, since you made my life unhappy, I'll make yours unhappy.

You shouldn't have asked me to help you. You shouldn't show me your something that I can use against you.

I hope we talk about this in the night.

And the minute you say I'm too young, I'm just going to say

"Yeah. I'm too young to travel. But old enough to help in your betting. Yeah."

I wanna see how Mom gets angry at me and Dad.

Cause Mom. You shouldn't have used Dad as a shield. So I'm sorry Daddy. Since Mommy thought you can help her, maybe I should just show her you aren't that dependable after all.

LOL dream

2010-05-17T12:46:00.002+08:00

Almost woke up kicking and screaming today. Was such a nightmare. Seriously.

I dreamed that I broke up with H and got back together with G. It was a dream that I once wished it was true 2 or 3 months ago but it was such a nightmare right now.

In my dream, I was trying to contact H but he is not replying to my smses. And Gary was talking to me and I didn't want to reply him.

Then got onto MSN and H replied quite illogically.

So scared during the dream. Am glad I finally woke up.

But the sore throat that woke me suck. It hurts.

眼裏還有沒有你父母啊

2010-05-16T20:16:00.003+08:00

Was outside on Friday night/Saturday morning and Mom sent a text over.

One of the text was asking that if 我眼裏還有父母嗎

And was asking H to help me think of ways to answer them

So here's the some of the stuff he came up with:

你們在我心裏，是我永遠的父母，我永遠愛你們
那你們眼裏有沒有我這個女兒
啦啦啦啦啦啦啦啦
Fuck you

I thought it was funny at the point where we were grueling thinking of how to answer her while coming up with absurd answers.

More random updates from the sofa

2010-05-14T18:15:00.002+08:00

Saw Philbert at school today. Totally didn't know he's from our school. And guess what is he doing in school? Playing pool! Idiot much, not?

I mean, if he comes to kpool and pool, it's all right and stuff, cause that's what you do there. But, he comes to school and pool during breaks? WTFFF?

Anyways, was so tired in class today. Slept for a good 15 minutes on my laptop. Yay for not drooling. I don't think my laptop would handle any form of moisture very well after it decides to bluescreen at the start of this week.

I'm still very worried for it. Seeing how it crashes today and I had to go into the black page asking me if I want to start my computer safe or normally. LOL!

When I wake up, I turned and saw Ng Ting Hsiang in class. I was like O.O and immediately woke up. Not a good thing to get found out by him that I'm sleeping eh. How come no one woke me up. :(((((

random updates on the sofa

2010-05-14T12:39:00.002+08:00

I wonder if I would be going back to class today. I totally had no mood in going back there. And both April and Randal are playing the piano now. I wonder if they are going to play the piano and not go back to class. I sure hope so.

But I have no idea where to go if I don't go to class either.

Seeing the fact that I really don't want to see H so early. It has already come to this point where I would rather choose not to see him for now. No point eh? We'll either have our little tiffs or where I'll be angry with him but yet not being able to do anything.

What I don't see doesn't exist. That's what I think.

So I really don't want to know what he's doing. Because ignorance is bliss. And I want to be happy.

Anyways, moving on.

Did soldering today and guess what. Ng Ting Hsiang helped me. It's saddening just to think that he didn't hold my hand in helping me to solder. And the fact he can't even be my eye candy because he has a girlfriend.

He was so nice. I think I am smiling.

But my opinion on him will change really soon. I can bet.

And am so tired now. Maybe I'll go listen to 不屑 for a little while.

Ciaos!!

not an emo post

2010-05-14T00:36:00.007+08:00

I want to blog about happy things too.

Do you think I like to feel so fucking negative and mope around the entire day? Hell NO, I'm telling you.

I know I do have happy things going on around me but do you know the feeling where the sad things stay in your head much longer and affect you so much more than the happy ones and it clouds your sanity so much to the fact that you feel like fucking this world upside down, inside out?

...

Metaphorically speaking, of course.

Okay. Since people had been asking me where is my happy self, I shall show you my happy self.

So, let's see what happen these few days that are worthy enough for me to be happy.

I went to Cine the other day and guess who I saw at the counter? I initially didn't want to go down to Cine at all BUT it has been so long since I saw Jo so I walked there. Yes, I walked there from Far East. In heels. Oh Lord. How many more toes have I sacrificed for Jo?

And Jo, you better see this, kay?!!

So yeah, went there and saw Jo's EC. And he was so cute. So so cute.

*coughs*

Yeah, CUTE!! Muddafugging cute.

I thought of using 'motherfucking' cute but I really don't wanna fuck his mother. I really don't.

*chew lips*

Yeah.

So back to him.

Sheesh. He's Jo EC. Not mine. *note to self* But he's so cute. I mean, Jo and I finally find the same guy cute. Like THE.SAME.GUY.CUTE. Both our tastes in guys were so different. The guys we used to bio while working were so different.

Okay, so were asking if he remembers me and he said he did. And smiled his really cute smile. HAHAHAHAHA!!!

I'm so happy. Pity he has a girlfriend already. Or so I heard.

So after a while, XX finished playing his game and asked me over. Guess what for. I told him I'm not going to take his pool tray to the counter for him and he took it himself. Then I went over. And while on the way towards him, he asked me to help him take his cue for him.

WTFFFFFFF!!!

And I really did that. Double WTFFFFFFFFF!!

Actually I thought we were on bad terms with each other. Usually when we see each other at the pool place or at koufu, both of us would look at each other, give each other our black/blank face and not say hi.

So naturally I thought we were on bad terms.

But I didn't know I could talk with him the other day. Happy-ing!!

And he was so funny. Seriously.

He laughs while moving his shoulders up and down. I mean, was that deliberate?

Though I've one thing I couldn't understand. He's younger than me by at least 1 to 3 years (I really can't guess his age. He looks too damn young) but he always claim and insist that he's older than me.

He always claims to be 1990 but my guess is that he's either 1992 or 93. I'm betting on '93 though.

Cause we were talking about beers and he said something about me drinking underage and I told him I'm above the drinking limit for 300 hundred years. And he was like saying if so, he's over by a thousand year. Then I called him a 千年老妖.

Okay. I know he's just kidding with me. I look so damn old. I feel like slashing my own wrists.

And I finished my mocha and was giving to Jo and telling her that I'm 請ing her and XX was so happy and said thanks. He held up the cup, gave the '-.-' face and 請 Jo. Then Jo said 娘 or something like this to 熊 and he said that to me. I gave him the 'huh' face and said 爹 to him. And he looked at me and was like 'OKAY' before giving the cup to Jo and asked her to throw it for us.

I really have no idea what was going on between the three of us then. I think we were mad.

And was also complaining to Jo that working in Kpool made me heavier by 4kg. Literally. And XX was saying that the next time I work there and there's someone who wants to open a table, I'll walk there with them, lay out the pool balls for them. And if they buy drinks, then open for them and feed it for them.

EXERCISE while working.

Bullshit boy! But it was fun talking with him and Jo. Had been so long since I felt so happy.

But he was wrong on one thing. I'm not 厭倦ing, I'm 畏懼ing. The boy we were talking about seems so 花 and why the hell do I keep knowing guys like this. FML.

Of course the day was ruined after wards. Not going to say what. But both April and Rui Qi knew that very well.

Especially Rui Qi. He was so fucking worried for me when I told him I was in a pub with friends of friends and I didn't really know them and really wanted to go home. He really did actually wanted to come and find me to bring me home. Didn't know he was such an awesome guy!! My phone completely died and couldn't reply him and I forgot to return his text after I got home.

And he suddenly smsed me telling me that I didn't reply him for so long and hope I'm alright. Then I replied him saying my phone died and he was like 嚇死人囖

感動 to the max, I'm telling you!!!

Anyways, moving on. I am so screwed for today's practical and the impact haven't hit me yet. I'm waiting for it and I think I'm going to be more whiny than ever when it comes. Fmyfriend'sL.

So with my lack in sleep, I was singing and wriggling during the test and flashing smiles to TSO, Andrew and Sam.

Then Andrew and Sam suddenly appeared and smiled at me, talked to each other and Sam suddenly said that the light was there to melt my makeup. I told them my makeup was the least of my worries. The spots I'm seeing behind my eyes are my main worry.

I think they laughed before offering me a seat. And I was telling the TSO about the spots. I think he laughed too. I was sad.

And after my test, the TSO came in and asked if I recorded anything. I told him no and did a wriggled/flapping action with my hand. And he was like what-the-hell-is-she-doing-is-she-high-on-drugs?

Then he was stashing me all the rubbish and saying thank you. I think I might stop thinking that the TSOs are all snobs now.

Went home and my day was ruined again.

Seriously!! What the fuck man, what the fuck!!

And Sam just sent a mail saying for a weekly meetup for PD and FYP. Shall reply his mail about 3am. Before I sleep. I shall... try and remember. And I forgot to return one of my books which is supposed to be returned by today. ARGHS!!!

Okay, time to do something else.

Oh, for emphasis, I hate 花的男生… 雖然花美男就當然另當別論啦。

And why do I say this? Cause I actually only thought the only 花美男 I would ever see is 亞翔 before he cut his hair shorter. But guess what? I saw another guy from my school that is so hot. Hotter than 亞翔 in my opinion, though I think I saw him for a good 100-200m away. And if you must know, my lenses are of a weaker degree than what my eyes are now. So, please don't quote me huh :DD

Okay, yes. Time to stop this entry.

It's not an emo entry right? Happy now people?

Sigh

2010-05-13T10:26:00.002+08:00

It's 1026am and I don't wanna go out of my house yet.

Everything seems so heavy. At least there's no lesson today. Just a worksheet and a test.

Man, I'm so regretting now. Shouldn't have went into a relationship so fast. It's wrong on so many levels and I'm kind of understanding this now.

Left an offline message to You2 and hopes he'll reply me. But why am I getting my hopes up for? Those who clubs are those who clubs. They won't change. Ditto to You2?

Ah wells. I don't know why. I just want to talk to him. It's a feeling.

Pity I don't think he would want to listen to a mad girl rant.

I just want to talk to him and no one else. Because I don't know how to talk to anyone.

Okay, more of I don't wanna talk about it because I don't wanna face it... yet.

Fucker

2010-05-12T21:50:00.000+08:00

Whatever I type just now, it's all gone. Dammit!!

Push me away

2010-05-12T01:36:00.002+08:00

I'm tired.

I'm tired of all this.

What's the point of trying to make everything better now?

I'm pushing you away now because I fear for myself. I'm sorry for being selfish.

But if you can do it once, I'm sure you can do it again.

I'm pushing you away now because I don't want to be the one who got pushed away at the end.

Speechless

2010-05-11T23:45:00.002+08:00

I can’t believe what you said to me
Last night when we were alone
You threw your hands up
Baby you gave up, you gave up

I can’t believe how you looked at me
With your James Dean glossy eyes
In your tight jeans with your long hair
And your cigarette stained lies

Could we fix you if you broke?
And is your punch line just a joke?

I’ll never talk again
Oh boy you’ve left me speechless
You’ve left me speechless, so speechless

And I’ll never love again
Oh boy you’ve left me speechless
You’ve left me speechless, so speechless

I can’t believe how you slurred at me
With your half wired broken jaw
You popped my heart seams
On my bubble dreams, bubble dreams

I can’t believe how you looked at me
With your Johnnie Walker eyes
He’s gonna get you and after he’s through
There’s gonna be no love left to rye

And I know that it’s complicated
But I’m a loser in love
So baby raise a glass to mend
All the broken hearts
Of all my wrecked up friends

I’ll never talk again
Oh boy you’ve left me speechless
You’ve left me speechless so speechless

I’ll never love again,
Oh friend you’ve left me speechless
You’ve left me speechless, so speechless

How? How? How?
How? How? How?

And after all the drinks and bars that we’ve been to
Would you give it all up?
Could I give it all up for you?

And after all the boys and girls that we’ve been through
Would you give it all up?
Could you give it all up?
If I promise to you boy
That I’ll never talk again
And I’ll never love again
I’ll never write a song
Won’t even sing along

I’ll never love again
So speechless
You left me speechless, so speechless
Why you so speechless, so speechless?

Will you ever talk again?
Oh boy, why you so speechless?
You’ve left me speechless

Some men may follow me
But you choose any girl but me
Why you so speechless? Oh oh oh

40 things that's damn boring. But I've read it and now's your turn to be bored

2010-05-11T22:15:00.002+08:00

1. There are two types of males: Dishonorable males and honorable men. Don’t date or marry until you know how to tell the difference between the two! The woman in the mirror will graciously thank you.

2. Honorable men are protectors. They will guard your heart, protect your emotions, defend your honor and stand as champions for your spiritual, mental and physical well-being; choose an honorable man and choose life!

3. You are not a car; if you meet a man who wants to test drive your physical body, emotions and feelings, point him to a car dealership, bid him adieu and don’t look back!

4. This is a true saying: “The soul of a woman is fragile.” Please note: dishonorable males refuse to respect this crucial truth. They will toy with a woman’s emotions without any semblance of concern or compassion. Therefore YOU must guard your heart from these cold-hearted males with all diligence.

5. Good men need to be treated like good men, dishonorable males, need to be let go and left alone!

6. OK ladies; you’ve met this great guy, but he’s got a child or children for which he does not take care of, provide for or see to. Follow these instructions to the letter: urgently send him back to the mother(s) of his child(ren) and don’t look back. Don’t make the same mistake the mother(s) of his child(ren) did!

7. Dishonorable males treat sex as a sport, females as trophies and children they sire as wastepaper. Never allow yourself to become their next score, mantle piece or sperm repository.

8. Women who hold grudges, seek vengeance, cling to bitterness and are unwilling to forgive, unwittingly break their own hearts!

9. Choose the wrong mate and you might as well have laid next to a boa constrictor or grabbed the ears of a raging mad pit bull. A smart woman learns how to choose her mate wisely!

10. Heed the sage advice of some caring brothers and honorable men. If he doesn’t fit – don’t force him, just relax and let him go. Destiny is on your side… TRUE LOVE will find you!

11. Momma’s boys belong with only one type of woman; their moms! Ladies, these mothers and their sons will never cut their grotesque umbilical cord. Therefore, for your sake, leave them alone and just let them trot home to their mommies.

12. Self-love: if you don’t have it, pull yourself off the market. Make no mistake about it, if you don’t love yourself, NO MAN can ever love you… no matter how great a man he is.

13. Don’t judge ALL men by one man’s actions; unless you want ALL men to judge you based on the acts of amoral women.

14. Most women learn how to choose a mate the hard way; they go through a gut wrenching string of emotionally detached males, jerks, pimps, thugs and players. Don’t become one of those heart broken and bitter women! Learn how to properly choose a mate before it’s too late! The woman in the mirror will graciously thank you.

15. You wondering, “If I move in with him, is he going to marry me?” Answer: “Not likely!” Don’t believe it, take these two critical tests: (a). Ask any honorable man! And, (b). Examine the ever-growing list of disillusioned women who are begrudgingly waiting for their non-committal live-in lovers to pop the big question.

16. Do you keep attracting men who are dogs? Check the scent you’re putting out. Men who are dogs are attracted by scent!

17. You are not a man! Therefore, you will never be: a role model for men, a father figure, a man’s mentor or a man’s coach. If a man has lacked proper male leadership in his life, kindly send him on his way. Know for a certainty; he is not prepared for the responsibilities that come with love, sex, relationship and marriage.

18. If you don’t know what a misogynistic man is, take this time to check your dictionary. For your sake, sanity and safety, avoid these treacherous males at all costs.

19. Don’t ever delude yourself! Your beauty, fine body, sexual prowess, cooking skills, femininity and vibrant personality will never be enough to change a man, NEVER!

20. If your potential mate does such things as: promises to call you but doesn’t, makes dates and breaks them, shows up late or plays games with your emotions; take notes ladies… those are clear cut warning signs that he DOES NOT value you, he DOES NOT love you and he DOES NOT care about you!

21. Angry, bitter, hostile, combative, unforgiving single women, become: angry, bitter, hostile and combative, unforgiving wives.

22. A fundamental understanding and respect of the male ego is a must for all women who want a vibrant and healthy love; DO NOT obtain this crucial information from dishonorable males or from angry bitter women.

23. If you choose to be with dishonorable males, pimps, players, thugs, ballers and shot callers, you have absolutely no right to complain when they torch your emotions, abuse you, leave you pregnant and alone, jeopardize your safety and otherwise harm or hurt you. Remember, you have freedom of choice and you chose to be with them!

24. When a man is trying to find himself, kindly bid him adieu… PERMANENTLY! He can find you, but can’t find himself? He shouldn’t be looking for love… he should be searching for the map to Mastering Manhood!

25. OK; he wants or is demanding sex but you are not his wife. Write this down: There is no need to wonder, debate or contemplate: he DOES NOT honor or respect you!

26. Spoiled women are like spoiled milk, spoiled meat, spoiled fruit spoiled bread and spoiled brats. Get the picture? Don’t become a spoiled woman!

27. Expecting a dishonorable male to do the honorable thing is like expecting piranhas not to devour you if you make the mistake of diving into their water.

28. You’ve asked these questions, “Why doesn’t he call me more often? Why doesn’t he pursue me more diligently and why doesn’t he show me that he loves me?” Answer; he’s not into you! If you don’t let him go and move on with your life, you will allow him to hinder or block your true love from finding you!

29. All men ARE NOT dogs! Don’t believe, repeat or perpetuate that rampant lie! You will hamper your ability to see and discern the good men who cross your path!

30. Some males like to hit women. It gives them a sense of power and control. If you give yourself to one of these abusive males, most assuredly you will become a punching bag and a floor mat. It is critical that you learn how to detect and avoid these cretins!

31. Promiscuous immoral women are not worthy of an honorable man. They never have been and they never will be.

32. Never allow emotionally embittered women to influence you concerning the male gender. If you do, their hatred and unforgiveness will become yours. Soon you will find yourself suspicious, indignant and angry at all men.

33. You were not designed, built or destined for abuse, whether: emotionally, physically or financially. If he is an abuser, there is no need to deliberate… he IS NOT the one; leave him now!

34. Some women live their lives vicariously through the women on “Girlfriends, Sex In The City and Desperate Housewives.” Don’t become one of these women. If you do, you will make a literal mess of your life, emotions, physical body and well-being.

35. When a man truly loves you, he will honor and respect you. If he doesn’t… don’t deceive yourself and don’t allow him to defraud you; he DOES NOT love OR care about you!

36. Everyone has skeletons in their closet? Wrong! Not everyone has skeletons in their closet. Don’t start putting any in yours!

37. There is a vast difference between sex and love. Most men know the difference and you had better learn it fast! If you fail or refuse to do so, you are surely headed for relationship or marital crash and burn.

38. Don’t deceive yourself, once you have sex with a man who is not your husband… he may never admit it, but he has lost a degree of respect for you. Don’t believe it? Ask any honorable man or virtuous woman.

39. The dismal cycle of breaking up and making up only works out in the romance novels, television shows and movies. If you are riding that emotional roller coaster get off right now! Your heart, mind and soul will forever thank you.

40. Nothing is more beautiful, captivating, attractive and sensual than a woman with a gentle and peaceable spirit!

回來，好嗎？

2010-05-11T21:52:00.001+08:00

我們當初快樂的時光倒地飛逝到哪去了？

tired and feeling like puking

2010-05-10T23:08:00.000+08:00

My love/desire for K-ing and 石鍋飯 is over for at least a month.

咖喱辣椒

2010-05-10T00:47:00.002+08:00

I think my Hokkien will only sounds 台 when I'm trying to (yes, read and understand what I'm meaning as an attempt because I can understand Hokkien and not 台語) speak it with them.

Cause he's the only one who says I sound 台 when I speak. April laughed and was correcting me when I said 吐血 the other day. LOL.

I really don't want to sound 台. He said that I'm sounded 台 the day before again.

Okay. Not that I mind being said I sound 台 once I know if it's something good or bad. But right now, I've no idea if it's 貶義 or not when I'm being commented on that.

And it doesn't help when he said that I really don't sound like a Singaporean and that I've been asked if I'm a TWese a lot of times.

I answered that I AM a Singaporean and had been said that I'm from a lot of other countries too.

Okay. Truth to be told, I can't control how I speak. I would naturally follow the accent of the people I'm with.

That's why I have a very thick Singaporean accent lately when I speak in English if you noticed. Shit. This is not good. Not good at all.

And this is scary. I put "I wanna eat 油條 with 豆漿" on my PM this afternoon and H just said he wanted to go to 24巷 and drink 豆漿.

He didn't even came online today. He said he's good at guessing. And he IS good. I swear!!

I thought he wanted to go with his friends but alas. Ah wells, I said that we shall talk about this tomorrow. Cause I got this feeling that I might sleep before my class ends. Going to be a long long day tomorrow.

I think I might need starbucks tomorrow.

But I really want to eat 豆漿 with 油條!!

Pity YY is not in SG. I can still remember the mad long walk to that 永和 place. He was like pushing away chairs for me. Much loves :P

Okay. I got nothing to blog now. So kthxbai

Are you?

2010-05-09T20:36:00.002+08:00

乖老公，好兒子

你真的可以嗎？

And tell me if this is hardcore.

Am going over out/to his place for every Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays.

I mean, am only doing this when both of us are free. Okay... like duh?

4 days per week. FOUR!!!

This is epic. Definitely easily the only one whom I've spend more time with than anyone else. Of course, minus those people whom I'm seeing in class everyday. No wait. I think I see H more than I see them.

Cause I only see the people in class for 4 x 3 + 6 = 18 hours.

And for just one Saturday, I am seeing H for 17 hours straight. Woah.

Oh. Did I mention? I'm super super touched that H actually stayed at home with me on Saturday. He had some birthday party or some MJ session and he didn't go. Super uber touched!!!

But stupid fucker still pissed me off on Friday. So... yeah.

LOL!!

i've done some of my resolutions kay

2010-05-09T19:39:00.002+08:00

5 months into the 2010 and let's see how much I've come from the resolutions I've made at the start of the new year.

Link: http://jlynnie.tumblr.com/post/311397149/resolutions

As quoted:

And just like every other year again, i resolve that

* My resolution would never come true (because if I didn’t do what I resolve to do, then I’m actually fulfilling this resolution… but if i fulfill this resolution then i did not do what i resolved. So, my yearly paradox nonsensical resolution ^^)
* To actually study and not procrastinate until the morning before the test
* To actually stop procrastinating and NATOism
* Stop hating Christians/posers/people who are arrogant, idiotic, ugly, stupid, know-it-all, annoying etc. (I've stop hating them... on the outside. World peace. Good enough)
* Stop being plastic/double-faced (Definitely. I'm a painfully honest person now.)
* Be a tad more sociable (OH! I so am now. Look at the people I'm hanging out with now.)
* Stop trying to live by the saying of “an eye for an eye”
* Be happier
* Stop drawing thick eyeliners (I've stopped for quite some time when I found my new love. And by that I meant eyeshadow. But am tired to use shadow now so I still go with occasional thick liners)
* Save some money (Yep. Oh man, I so am now!!)
* Stop thinking that music is not the right route for me
* Speak more fluently
* Start wearing flats (I have boots now so I guess it's okay for me to say I'VE DONE THIS)
* Stop being spiteful about the world
* Get a real life in reality rather than over the internet
* Blog interesting stuff
* Stop trying to follow the styles of others
* Stop telling myself to stop trying to follow the styles of others and ACTUALLY do it
* Stop looking out for only hot guys in youtube videos/MVs/PVs/anime/bands/drama etc.
* Stop being angry with the world
* Stop being angry with parents so easily
* Start telling people i’m actually angry at them rather than smiling and rolling my eyes behind their back
* Stop thinking about returning the favor, good or bad.
* Stop thinking that the world revolves around me, myself and I. (Yeah. Cause it's something worse now. I'm thinking that the world revolves around someone else and it suck!!)
* Start taking care of myself (health/skin/eyes etc)
* Accept others for who they are and not hate them for who they are… in front of them.
* Stop judging others.
* Continue being mean and tease ~~Gary~~ H (because me likes and don’t wanna stop!!!) (I don't tease H at all. And by at all, I mean it. LOL.)
* Remember all the important dates
* Stop being so distrusting even if it’s difficult to
* Stop speaking ill of people (bitching) behind people’s back… unnecessarily.
* Stop constantly trying to compete with others, even if there is no competition going on
* Stop trying to undermine others
* Start exercising

足夠

2010-05-09T19:01:00.004+08:00

可愛小扣扣的新創作歌詞：

抬起頭你的笑容在天空想起電話中總有你加油

不同的枕頭做著相同的夢只要閉上眼睛你就在我懷中

要好好保重要好好生活要記得常想念我

生病了要按時吃藥睡覺被子記得要蓋好

要寄信給我要寄照片給我讓我知道你過的好

你愛我就已經足夠

相信等我回來的時候

我們各自都成長許多

改變過的會是我們更成熟不會變的是初衷

相信等我回來的時候

我的手還是牽你的手

話別說太多放在心中只要你愛我就足夠

想聼的話能在他的無名和SV找到… 吧？

還想起那時剛和勤揮揮揮手說掰掰的時候

我可愛的小扣扣（説是我的有點自私，但就讓我自私吧…）剛看到他登進MSN，看到他暱稱上寫著他剛上傳的新歌，就去聼聼

聼著聼著，眼淚就默默地飆了出來

因爲那首歌有說到我的心聲

就傳了封過去給他

他也回復了

感覺就是很不同

就好像… 就好像有人當下在陪我一般

感動到爆，好不！！！