Me & You, Forever ♥

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Tired of apologizing

I'm bored and confused.

How great if life can go my way.

WAIT.

Will i be happy if i truly don't have to worry?

I hate it when i find out things by myself.

Sometimes, it's not that i don't want to care, but it's beyond caring.

Family, friends. What else?

It's so easy when it was friends. For who need friends anyway.

But things just got so SO much more complicated when it concerns my family.

I might not need friends, for there might not be even true ones around, but family? I can't live without my family. I need them, more than i can ever comprehend.

Drastic situations require drastic moves. What else can i do now?

Tell me something drastic. Tell me a drastic measure i can use. I need it. I need it terribly.

As much as i LOVE to share your burden, but i seriously can't. It's not that i want to ignore your problems, but mine is already overpowering myself.

I am already trying so hard not to be crushed by whatever i have on my shoulders that i seriously can't take the load for you anymore.

One more load from any single one might just be enough to kill me. I seriously want to help you, but i can't.

I seriously didn't want to flare up, but i'm just too emotional unstable.

I can't be sad, so the only other emotion that can cover my sadness is anger. And the cough i'm having for weeks is not helping a single bit.

I had enough of swallowing panadols during the breakout just to subside the pain for me to be able to last through the day. Or at least until the evening where the drug began to wear off and i'm feel the full impact of the pain again.

I'm just waiting for my physical body to crumble so i didn't have to go through this aches anymore.

Anyway, back to topic.

I'm sorry for seeming not to be able to understand you. I know that our problems can never be put on a weighing scale to see if whose problems is more problematic than the other.

For our own problems always seemed to be worse than others.

If this applies to you, it most probably applies to me too. For we're all humans.

If you feel that i can't understand you and your problems, it's the same with me. You think that whatever i'm going through is nothing, it applies to me too.

I remember me for not being able to sleep for four days throughout the week before. There is just too many things for me to think about. Though i know that thinking about it doesn't make the problems any smaller, but i can't just can't help but to think.

Throughout that week, i wonder when will i fall under exhaustion. I wanted too. I felt as if the world had came crumbling down throughout those days. Thursday night, i finally couldn't take it. I knocked out but it was still a fitful night. Nightmares haunted me throughout the night.

When will this ever subside? Will it ever?

I'm a big girl now. My shoulders are built to carry burdens. Here i am, trying hard to be strong. Please, don't push me or add any more burdens to me. For i'm not sure how much strength i had left.

Both physically and emotionally.