Me & You, Forever ♥

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

I fear

It's so much easier typing all the things I feel on a screen then saying it all out loud to someone.

People judge people. It's human. It's normal.

But it hurts.

It's not that I don't tell anyone about what I feel. I do tell April. She knows too much about me in all honesty. I do tell tobi. I was IMing him while silently crying. Ment knows a lot too. And is super cute when he doesn't know how to make me feel better.

But to those whom I know would judge me, I just can't bring myself to talk to them. Perhaps I am afraid to be judged.

Same goes to those who reads the things I've written. I'm afraid of them judging me. To those whom I never ask to read my stuff start reading it, I feel insecure.

Perhaps I'm just afraid to be judged.

I know it's a social site and anyone can have access to it, but if it's someone whom I don't know, I wouldn't mind as much. Cause their words can never reach my ears. But it's so different if it's someone whom I don't know that well personally but knows me well enough to know me virtually, I start to fear.

Insecurity, some might say. But I just feat someone

Monday, June 28, 2010

This is a dysfunctional period. A fucking dysfunctional period.

I'm beyond caring on who would read this already. I already am. Like what I've said previously, karma came back and bit me on my ass painfully. I'm trying to take it along my stride now.

I know I've pissed a lot of people off but honestly, I see no need, feel no humanly desire and have no mind to please people whom I don't know, much less care.

Every nerve and brain cell is telling me to be sarcastic and bitter, but my civilized self is telling me to grow up.

It's not that I don't want be nice but I got a feeling, and tha feeling is telling me to be wary. It's not due to security or fear, it's just a feeling and that feeling isn't good. And it's not sixth sense either. I just know things. And most of them are right. Sadly.

Ah wells. Stopping entry for now.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

How much lower?

Karma comes. Maybe not immediately but it surely does.

What I did to a particular guy came back and bit me in my ass so painfully. I'm not complaining, but I took off all my sites off FB.

I really want to be alone now. To want music bombard all my senses. For now, I don't want to think, neither do I want to feel. I don't want anyone to be by my side now. Do I need or not is another story but all I know is that I don't want it now.

I've became so pathetic. So pathetic. Crying in the washroom, how much lower can I fall?

Tell me, how much?

Friday, June 25, 2010

SONGS!!!

Have been listening to a lot of MVs for a moment and neglected my FYP. I suck. Oh yes, I do.

So... here goes a few:

Gary - Supermarket (Oh, I absolutely adore the lyrics and want someone to sing that to me. So many of his songs are suitable for boyfriends to give to their girlfriends. Seriously!!)

方大同 - 愛愛愛

郭采潔- 笨的可以 (I love the lyrics but hate the part where it's about leaving)

郭靜 - 我不想忘記你

郭靜-明白KTV

小宇-愛上

丁噹&五月天阿信 - 花火

方炯鑌(阿鑌) - 壞人

郭靜 - 在樹上唱歌

梁文音 - 最幸福的事

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Poor one

Someone came over today.

And poor thing had to down everything I've cooked.

LOL.

And wash the dishes.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

我過的很好

我過得真的很好
很幸福

只要不斷的這樣告訴自己
好像就真的能成真

只要不要讓我聽見一首傷心的慢歌
否則我的努力好像就會化爲烏有

不斷的告訴自己
不讓自己去想
不允許自己難過

其實，我只不過是想開心多一點而已

多少人肯問你身邊的朋友
“你今天好嗎？”
然后用心的聆聽他的回答

我現在真的過得很好
很幸福…

我真的很愛這個男生
每次只要跟他在一起
我就不想離開他的身邊

可是我們的未來好像好模糊
我真的看不清

他對我很好
也很愛我
他很為我著想
也很保護我

幫我夾菜
縂把最後一份留給我

做他不喜歡的事
只因爲我喜歡

為我擔心
寧可事情發生在他身上
也不要我去承受

他的衣服都是有一定價錢的
有人弄到就會不爽的他
下雨時
會把他的外套脫下
給我蓋著我的頭

爲了陪我
都不跟他的朋友出門了

愛跑夜店的他
因爲我只愛賴在綫上
他就開始變成宅男

我真的愛他
真的真的很愛

我真的看不見我們的未來
可是我真的很想和他
手牽著手
一起創造出屬於我們的將來

他說過的一輩子
說過的永遠
說過的在一起
說過的不離開

真的能實現嗎？

Monday, June 21, 2010

random

It's 4am and I have a stupid headache (got this feeling I got it from H) and an early class tomorrow.

Stayed over at his place from Friday onwards.

Forgot that today was Father's Day.

To know where I've been, check out my foursquare.

And till next time...

Friday, June 18, 2010

finally an ambigous blog

How is it that I felt it was such a long time since I last post an emotion-filled entry when the truth is, it is longer that I had posted something that was truly about my day and what I've done.

I could have talk about my loots (which I don't particularly like, by the way) and I could have talked about what happened today, but I just felt like talking about my feelings.

There are times where I really want to write something down, but I was so afraid someone would read it. I still find the oppressing pressure in letting someone know me so thoroughly.

Probably I'm not afraid of showing my true self and what I think to the world but rather, how would the world judge me and my true self. No wait, not the world. The world doesn't judge me, people does.

I want to talk about how I much I love this guy. I want to talk about how bad I felt every single time I got depressed and disappointed. I want to talk about my anger and frustration towards the things that I cannot change and be certain of. I want to talk about how hopeless I felt towards myself. I want to talk about the annoyance and stupidity about the people around me.

But every time I tried to talk about it, everything just turns into pretty masks with some hint of truth in them. Point being pretty masks and hints.

H once told me how he envy that I can look at everything with such a positive outlook and believed that everything could be solved. I smiled and said that truly everything would be alright.

Little did he know that though I might not be the melancholic person in the world but I have my own share of despondence.

How many times have I hated the world around me. How many times have I been angered at the situations I've been in. How many times have I cried without allowing myself to. How many times have I feel like tormenting myself till the point that I've completely died on the inside.

I didn't show it. I couldn't show it.

I am dysfunctional, no doubt. I wasn't born that way, neither was I raised that way. I made myself this way.

Every time when he said something that had silently put a stab through me, a course of pain ran through my heart to everywhere else inside me. But I didn't cringe. I couldn't cringe. I couldn't tell him that it hurts. I wasn't taught to do so. What I was taught was to smile and pretend it doesn't hurt. To laugh it off and have another little piece within me wither and die.

We were made to believe that being positive would make us feel better. That being happy would change everything. But I weren't happy then. I can't be. But I can't change the way I'm handling either. I've been doing this way too long for me to change.

Every time he said something it hurts, it does hurt. To the point where I feel it in every single part of myself.

But every time I've hurt him, it hurts too. The pain felt way stronger than how it feels when he hurt me.

I couldn't tell him that it hurts when he hurt me. Neither can I tell him that it hurts even more when I've hurt him.

Like a droid, I wasn't programmed in this way.

Like a droid without a heart and emotions, I don't know how to feel and neither can I feel.

Like a droid who throws away everything that she has, in exchange for one thing, for love.

She got her deal and she got to love and to love. But a droid is a droid. She can't love and don't know how to love. She can't feel and don't know how to feel.

But a deal is a deal, and all she knows is that she really do love her boy...a LOT.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

天氣好冷空氣好稀薄

天氣好冷
空氣好稀薄

你怎麽能充當我生命裡的太陽的空氣

一旦感覺不到你的存在
似乎就感受不到溫暖感受不到氧氣

現在天氣好冷
空氣好稀薄

Surveys. Sleepy time NAO

Last Person...

Person you hugged: H
Person you texted: H
Person to text you: H
Person to call you: H
Person you called: April
Person you kissed: H
Person to sleep over: I don't think anyone slept in my house before. But the last house I've spent the night would be... er... H's house, I guess?
Person you hung out with: H + Sunny for movie. Then home with H.
Person to make you cry: Mom.
Person who made you smile: H

When Did You Last...

Take a shower: 2 hours ago.
Hug someone: 3 hours ago.
You cried: Yesterday
You called someone: Today afternoon
You texted someone: Awhile ago.
Had chicken nuggets: A few nights ago.
Failed a test: CHOY. A long long time ago.
Went to church: A even longer time ago.
Went to camp: Secondary THREE.
Bought something: Today's supper.

Where Was the Last...

Place you rode to in a car? Home
Place you ate? Bed. But if you mean outside, it'll be Cine.
Store you went to? 7-11
Place you had ice cream? H's mom's friend's house.
Mountain you climbed? Err, I stood on top of a Mountain Dew can, can that be considered?
Camp you went to? Secondary 3 camp.
Place you put your phone? Beside me.
Friend's house you went to? H
Concert you attended? Tze's concert.
Place you went for a party? Can't remember. Some club, possibly.

Love Life...

How is your life right now? Having its ups and downs.
Any crushes right now? Yes/No.
Is there anyone you wish was still in your life? Nope, not really. Okay, maybe some of the cute regular guys at Kpool can stay :D
How do you feel about your last ex? Bastard fucking jerk
How do they feel about you? Bitch.
Can exes be freinds? Yes. Maybe?
Have you ever been in love? Yeah.
Has your heart ever been broken? Yep.
Have you ever broke someones heart? I hope not.
Are you happier single or in a relationship? In a relationship. Though there are less reasons to be sad when single but the reasons to be happy are not as intense too :D
How many people have you slept with? Slept as in healthy sleep? No sex or stuff? If it's relationship wise, it'll be 2. If it's with friends-wise, count the amount of times I've went to a chalet.
Is it okay to have more than one bf/gf? Nope. Sorry, no.
Dates: Group or One on One? One on One.

Favorites...

Food: Fries.
Movie: None.
Activity: Sleeping. Onlining.
Vacation Spot: No idea.
Music Type: Pop
Animal: Puppies
Vehicle: Sports :D

TODAY:
What is today's date? 15th June 2010
What was the first thing that happened? Meaning 12am? Seeing it's only 3am now. I was with H then.
Who was the first person you talked to? H
What was the best thing that happened so far? The loves and kisses.
What was the best thing you've eaten? Rollercoaster.
Whats the worst thing you've eaten? I only just had rollercoaster.
Who were you with? Alone, for now. With H then,
Where did you go? Home now. H's home with him.
What did you wear? A long tee with shorts and a cardigan when I was outside. Tee and shorts now.
What did you buy? Nothing. 3 hours into a day. I'm not such a shopaholic yet.
What was the best song you heard? Monster.
What's the funniest thing that happened? Between H and myself.

TOMORROW:

Whats tomorrow's date? 16th June
Got any plans? Yes, school.
Is there anything you HAVE to do? Yep. FYP and PD
Who are you going to be with? School. HELLO?
What would you like to get accomplished? Work done.
Who are you definatly going to talk to? April. H.
Do you have to go to school/work? Yes. SCHOOL.

FUTURE:

Who do you want to marry? H
When do you want to get married? 2 or 4 more years down the road.
How do you want to get married? By signing the papers. That's the only legal way now huh?
Where do you want to settle down at? Depends.
Whats your dream job? Being a rich tai tai :D
How many kids do you want? None.
What do you want your kid's names to be? Jia Hui.
Do you want to have kids early or later on in life? Later on. If I must.
What kind of house do you want to live in? Villa :D
What kind of car do you want to drive? Sports. With a chauffeur. I be scared to drive.
How many and what kind of pets do you want to have? Puppies. One would suffice.
Where do you want to go to college (If you haven't already)? Yes.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

痛太美

So many things that happened. Remember how I said I can quarrel with my 老公人（老公 + 老人） everyday? I realized we can even find some stuff to be unhappy about when we have a 4 or 5 hour flight in between us.

Yeah. He wasn't that happy lately because of the pressure his father was giving him. Seems like he might not be able to stay here for long.

And we ended yesterday's call on not such a good note either. We were talking about us.

Sigh sigh.

But was a little better today.

And I made the first move in texting him. Me!! You know, me? Making the first move in contacting a guy. Now, yes. You didn't see it wrongly.

Shan't type the whole thing out. Cause I'm lazy. But here goes the text that I like.

嗯嗯~ 只是剛起床想聼你說這句而已 ^^ 那沒事了，回去睡覺了… 呵 ^^

想聼？那我就一輩子講給你聼！老婆我永遠愛你！

我想…　我真的真的很喜歡我老公
不過，知道縂有一天他會離開我身旁
好像深深地墜入進去
但我畏懼的是
儅哪天他已不再接住我的時候
我跌的會很重
跌得粉身碎骨…

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Please stay?

Had a phone call with H this morning.

It wasn't the best call of all. Seeing the news of him not coming back is on the table again.

Sigh. I don't wanna him to go.

I really don't.

I really really don't.

FTW = Fuck This World :D

Man. I just spent a few hundred bucks on online shopping. And if you must know, I don't do online shopping because I had a phobia. I got like 70 odd dollars cheated before. Like someone ran away with it. Totally disappeared.

So, that's why I don't really do online shopping, like anymore since then.

But I went onto this website and got hooked on. And I spent another few hundred dollars there. And I'm so afraid that they wouldn't confirm my order. Yes, I've already transferred the money, FYI.

So, yeah. One of the weighing things on my mind.

Another? Oh man. Please don't let me start ranting on H. Seriously.

I can't take drunkards. In my past and now. Yes, even now.

I'm slowly taking a lot which I didn't do in the past. I used to not say lovey dovey stuff at all. You would most probably see me dead first before I say "love you" to a guy and seriously mean it. Ditto that to talking about how I feel, backing down or fighting back, I used to just let things go. Like, go.

So, I've been trying hard enough but honestly, I CAN'T TAKE DRUNK PEOPLE.

And don't understand how come drunk people can't control themselves.

Well, I've gotten drunk enough before. Drunk enough to push someone away and almost looked like I'm picking a fight. Yeah, Michael looked at me and said, "How come you act like you are drunk when you didn't drink." I looked at him and grinned and he went, "OH!"

So yeah, I did get my fair share of drinking before but I don't say anything wrong. I know if I start saying anything, I would say some really ugly things out so I don't speak. I just stand in a corner, hug a random girl (that I know, please!!) and mumble, "I'm dizzy. I'm feel like I fucking want to puke". And when people knows I'm in this state, this normally just ignore me.

They know I would continue like this until I recover slightly. And if anyone talks to me, they would get ignored. If anyone touches me, they'll get pushed or punched.

Yeah, I'm not at all a nice girl once I get a good amount of alcohol in my system. But I normally refrain from doing that because I hate drinking with people I don't know. And most of the time, I'm there with people I don't know. The only time I got that drunk as said in the above was because I was sitting beside this guy who was bored and I told him I don't play, and so I drank.

So yeah, we basically drank and drank. And just continue to drink.

That's why I got that said drunk. But I was still clear of what's happening. I just felt dizzy. And I didn't puke. I insist. I just felt like it. I didn't!!

But yes, that's why I said, I have no idea why some people couldn't control their speech. As long as someone doesn't touch me physically, I would basically just ignore everyone. And even if someone talks to me, and I'm on okay terms with that person, meaning my friend, not just any person I've met twice, I would talk to that person. Normally.

Yes. I still don't get how H calls me when he's drunk and he just go ahead and sprout nonsense. I couldn't stand it. How I wish he would just shut up and not call me when he's drunk.

It's better guessing that if he's drunk or not then hear him spouting nonsense and therefore knowing he's drunk.

If he's going to call me and tell me that he's not going to come back to Singapore, then please, tell me when you're awake.

Or if you're going to tell me that you're clubbing and have girls by your side, please, I rather you don't tell me.

Because I really don't know if you're being serious or not. Because most of the time, you speak a lot of truth and have your true emotions magnified when you're drunk. I'm serious. I've observed.

So yeah, when you tell me that, I automatically goes into a red alarm zone.

Save both yourself and myself the trouble and THINK, for goodness sake, think before calling me.

Better, just send a text over would do fine. And for anything else, wait till you wake up then talk about it.

I've seen you talk when you're drunk and you know what, I'm much happier with you telling me the same things when you aren't.

Because at least I feel like I'm talking to some person who is going to tell me this seriously.

And to be honest, I would feel easier to give in and the ache for losing you when you're awake rather than you're drunk. It sucks to talk to you this way.

So signing off in a very annoyed and pissed mood,

KTHXBAIIII!!!

Fuck this world. Peace!!
(LOL!!)

Friday, June 11, 2010

Depression is proportionate to the money spent

Sigh. I hate it when I feel down. Cause I'll spend money like mad.

When I mean like mad, I mean like MAD.

I think I spent like 500 odd dollars today.

Man. I hate feeling depressed.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

all it takes is a call to make me feel damn depressed

*laughs*
Please stop going into my account. Only two computers can log into my account without logging me out.

One is the one on my own laptop and the other is on H's Singapore laptop. So yeah, thanks :)

Anyways, am so broke now. I think I'm only left with $40 in my POSB and 100 odd dollars cash. So so broke now.

Got an adapter from $140. I think I almost sprout expletives when the Harvey Norman sales got the adapter for me.

But ah wells, I need an adapter and I got one. I have nothing to say.

And got an m[phosis bag. Wanted a transparent bag but only saw a fish netting bag.

Would have gotten that as a replacement but it looks a bit too cheap. Too cheap. So got another one instead.

The m[phosis sales asked if I was a Singaporean and me, being pissed replied:

I AM a Singaporean.

Then I realized I was a bit too fierce and smiled and said, yeah.

-interject-

Ran just called me and the first thing he said was, "What are you doing now?"

That took me quite by surprise. Was never close with him enough to actually think that he would call me up for a chat.

Well, we did talk about H, and to be honest, I don't think I have much to talk to him about unless it has something to do with H.

Yep. End of interjection.

So, got my bag and then home I went.

Reached my house and saw a KFC delivery guy in front of El's house. Laughed and told him I got KFC too.

Went to his house and munched with him. And Pang pang was so cute. He actually climbed onto my lap. Though in all honesty, I heard a crack when I fell to my side along with him.

I hope it wasn't his nails.

Sigh. I don't feel like blogging anymore. So shall stop now.

P/s: I like the hem for my stockings today.

P/p/s: I have no mood to transfer the pictures now.

P/p/p/s: H just called and I told him I was helping Ran. And he was super pissed. And when I mean super pissed, I mean super duper pissed. Sigh sigh.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

reassurance

After H went offline, I happily started to play sudoku because it had been such a long time since I last played it and I got such a huge book ages ago, so might as well continue.

Was playing it and a text suddenly came over.

老婆我愛你！永遠~永遠~ 我都是你的笨老公唷 ^^

嗯嗯！！我永遠的寶貝笨老公~ 我也愛你喔！！愛得我只想儅你一個人而已的乖老婆 ^^

哈哈！恩 :-) 老婆我真的很想你… 我現在真的不能沒有你了… 我真的愛你

我也是真的很愛你呀 :) 嗯嗯~ 所以就要永遠在一起啊 ^^

哈… 我們一定會的！我的林依靜老婆 :-)

嘿嘿~ 嗯哼，一定會的！陳建翔老公 ^^

哈… 恩恩 :-) 剛剛有點小亂… 哈！也不早了老婆不去睡嗎？

嘿嘿~ 不亂不亂~ 因爲無論怎樣我都只可能愛你一個而已… 嘿那會不早啊？現在明明就早上啊 ^^ 嗯，你也是厚…還沒睡喔？ ><

嘿嘿… 恩！我們都只能愛彼此唷！:-) 哈！差不多了吧… 你也去睡啦！別讓我擔心唷 ><

嗯嗯！只愛彼此 :) 哈… 不用擔心啦… 我都睡到中午的說 ^^ 嗯嗯… 那就去睡吧… 嘿 :)

Honestly, this is unlike me.

I had the same feeling as him before. Ages ago, months ago. When he was still clubbing and stuff, I had this 亂 feeling once and I texted him. I asked him to assure me and he couldn't. He honestly couldn't.

I asked him if he can promise to never leave me, he couldn't promise me then. All he could say was that he loved me.

I know very well, loving is one. Staying is another. He couldn't assure me. I gave up.

And if it was me half a year back, I would have taken my revenge. I call it payback.

Heck!! I wouldn't even bother to assure him. I would make him feel how I felt then. But I didn't. Because I knew what I wanted to hear from him then when I was confused, and I know that feeling. And that feeling, isn't pretty at all.

I assured him. A little bit, but I tried to assure him.

I know I didn't get any reassurance from him months ago. When he wasn't that serious in this relationship, I know I have any right to get my little taste of payback on him. But I didn't want to.

Sigh. I think I really love him now. Too many signs now. Too many.

And I'm hungry. Shit. I ate so much and am still hungry? Fuck!!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

shoppppinnng

Shopping mania!!!!!

Basic tank

Shorts

Bangle

Romper

Bangle

Err, some oversized shirt?

Yet another oversized shirt

Yeah. You know I got this liking for oversized tees. Shut up!!

Dress. I'm having the suspicion that the prints would be ugly in real life

Bangle

So, should I buy them or should I not?

a photo

I'm bored.

So bored. But I still don't want to start on any work yet.

Yes, you know my routine. But I'm so lazy, I don't even want to change my desktop picture.

I actually wanted to but I can't be arsed to do it. Laziness FTW.

But I still can be bothered to do a few clicks.

Maxed out the blue and red.

And oh. I did slight PSing over here.
Larger eyes.
But with the same huge noses.
And I did nothing to get rid of his 擡頭紋
I find it funny.

Okay, I'm bored even writing this. Shall go do online shopping now.

BYE!

truly random

Sometimes when I feel the need to humiliate someone...

And when I have no one to humiliate, those closest to me shall beware.

Nah, I be kidding. I am doing my mandatory clearing of desktop routine and I found some photos. I have nowhere to put it up and so I shall place it here.

Let's start of with the hot ones:

Cloud. Hot or WHAT?

Inuyasha. Equally hot.

Then now for the clothes I wanted to buy but am too broke to buy:

And now, for the humiliation. I'm so sorry 老公, I didn't mean to. But it was too funny to resist.

Yes, I honestly just can't resist posting this. And yes, he was wearing boxers. Please!!

And for the times where I am absolutely bored:

And the things we talk about on MSN which are ridiculously boring:
(Mind you, I'm copying and pasting and no screen-shooting, leche for me can)

這個你應該看的懂
有一點台語

V^^V 爽！

看的懂??\

嗯？
他的字幕都是中文的不是嗎？
所以看得懂啊
>.<

嗯嗯
唉唷!!
不可以小看你捏!!

大師誇獎了
._.

哈哈
誇獎老婆壓^^

嘿嘿
嗯
暗喜
^^

哈
愛你唷!!老婆

哈
也愛你！
老公

^^

嘿嘿

嘿嘿~~

嘿嘿嘿

嘿嘿嘿嘿嘿

嘿屁屁哦
這麽多嘿
呵

好啦不嘿
台妹!!

誰?
誰台妹？
你台妹？

哈
誰知道呀!!

哦哦
那這樣… 一定是你了囖
呵

哈哈
我的~~ 老婆

不是台妹
^^
是大姐
呵

哈台大解

哈哈
嗯呀
是大姐
呵呵

哈
好啦
台大解老婆!!

呵
你有個台大姐儅老婆耶
呵
這麽囂張哦
哈

哈哈當然壓有靠山嘛~~

哈哈哈哈！！
嗯嗯
姐姐會照顧你的
呵

哈哈
不是當初說好事我照顧你的媽?

呵
你要順便照顧我媽哦？
不介意啊
呵

抓語病唷!!

嗯嗯
跟我寶貝老公學的啊
呵
學得不錯厚

恩
他交的好

還有不是語病… 是錯字
哈
他才沒教
是我偷師

喔喔
這樣強唷

對啊
他只會教我變台

對啦對啦我只會交你這個啦

還有交給我幸福

恩^^
愛你

哈
嗯
也愛你啊

嗯嗯^^

嘿嘿

還在看大學唷？

哈哈
不是
等5點看娛百
終于有一點點不一樣的了
哈1

哈哈
你得生活好友特色唷

呵
謝謝你厚
你不要我看電視
然後我也不想做功課

哈

就… 真的沒事做啊
呵

看電視好呀
又沒說不好ˊˋ

嘿嘿… 嗯呀
可是… 這種生活就是變胖子的生活
雖然我也沒在否認我是胖子的事實
哈

哈哈

沒關西啦
我也變胖了ˊˋ

哈哈
你那個不算胖好不好
ˊˋ

算小胖
你大胖!!

你根本沒胖好不好
我這個是超大胖
呵

哈
好啦
胖老婆^^
愛你呀~~

哈哈
也愛你啊~~
好老公
呵

在看逾百了!!

對啊~

哈哈

沒說很好笑耶

去看八^^

>.<
嗯嗯
嘿
^^

老婆我先下了唷~~~
晚點聊^^

TSH

Laying here on my bed, typing this entry with my newly bought 3GS, which will soon replace by 4 in a matter if a month's time. Forgive me but I find the need to vent...

TMDKNNBCCB!!!!!

Okay, venting barely done but I can vent it in a special post all by its own.

So, to talk about what I wanted to talk about.

I was lying in my bed singing 啊飛的小蝴蝶 to myself, thinking about the past.

And when I mean the past, I mean a good five years or so ago.

Sigh. There was a really nice guy then, not good looking at all, but is quite a well known person in our level.

His studies were relatively good, and he held several positions in school.

We never went out but we did 曖昧 on between.

I can still remember the times when he move away from another girl when I see him merely talking with another girl. Just talking, I turn by head, accidentally seeing them together and he moves away from her.

And the two of us aren't even together!!

How I wish H would do so. I think he needs girls by his side a bit too much.

Honestly, if H could do that, I would think that he's perfect already. If he could do that...

Monday, June 7, 2010

6:51AM, as of now

I realized I keep on blogging excessively these days are because I got nothing to do and I don't want to start work. I know I should, but I really don't wanna!!!

*whines*
I suck!!

And when I don't wanna do anything and that I'm bored, I blog. In between chatting, listening to songs on Youtube and singing it out of tune without a care in the world, watching 大學生了沒, playing Mall City (it's a very boring game. Very, very boring game.) and spot the difference on Facebook.

The only highlight of my day is probably the overseas calls and texts from 老公. Yes, very pathetic, I know. Shut up!!

But I'm still going to be super thick-skinned and not going to stop talking about my little snippets of highlights.

Well, unless someone asks me out to do something soon, you just to bear with me.

Plus, I have been on PMS for the past two nights. So beware. It's a sign. It's a warning.

Sigh. I always hate it when I see H comes online but I don't have a chance to talk to him. Because he really rarely do come online. Chatting with him via internet is like... well, it's not THAT rare, but still, rather infrequent in my definition.

And ohmigoddddd. It was such a coincidence. He rarely initiates a conversation but I wanted to type something to him then he sends a IM over. So cool!!

Anyways, this is sweet. I was telling him that I was chatting with April and Desmond about breakups and he was telling me, why am I talking about something that would never happen to me again.

SWEET TO THE MAX!!!

Seriously.

And when he called me earlier that woke me up from my sleep. I had no idea how he managed to wake me up, seeing I didn't set vibration mode and I didn't set any volume to my phone.

So after telling me what he was going to do, then we hung up. It was a short short call. Then I was contemplating if I should go back to bed, he sent a text over. Knowing his standard of English, I wouldn't expect an English text.

Though honestly, my first reaction was awww, but my second was, WTF is this structure.

FOREVER LOVE U!
MY ONLY WIFE!

Honestly, what kind of English is this. Well, if you translate this to Mandarin, it should be easier for all of us:

永遠愛你
我唯一的老婆

Make sense now, doesn't it?

So yes, went for a shower just now and missed his MSN and well as call. Then tried to call him back but it couldn't get through. Then he called me back and said he was watching some horror movie with WJ.

He said WJ was lying on the floor and I was asking him why don't he share half of his bed with him. And his reply infuriate me so much that I pretended not to care.

He actually said that if it's a girl, then he would share his bed.

Am not happy about the nice and sweet stuff he had said. Cause it doesn't matter anymore.

LOL to myself!!

Anyways, it's almost 7am.

While blogging, I had MSN chats, 大學生了沒ing, snacking, showers and most importantly, singing on Youtube. Such fun.

I actually contemplated about going singing K by myself. It's so hard finding someone to go with me. So might as well huh. Spend a good $20 for 4 hours, alone there. Singing without a care in the world.

And oh. I'm on my monthly blood donation. I know I said it up there in the entry. But I still hate it. Period. Oh, no pun intended.

Okay, I'm not happy with H but I can't deny the fact that I misses him mad loads. He's going back on Sunday!! Yay!! But he's taking the night flight meaning, I don't think it's possible for me to appear miraculously at the airport as well as in school the next day.

Bummer!!

eating

I realized I'm getting so much fatter these days that I actually do feel guilty eating.

And I'm not the kind of girls who don't eat, and with a nibble of a cookie would feel like I am a sinner or anything along those lines.

I'm the kind who eats at 4am in the morning and is stopping at nothing unless it's nuggets, popcorn chicken and curly fries. Yes, I ate all those in the morning.

I've been eating mad loads.

I had chicken rice, zi char, satay bee hoon, 4 packets of sultana biscuits, sour cream and cheese cookies (real cheese, mind you), a plate heaped of the above said nuggets etc stuff.

I don't think it's wrong for me to feel guilty.

And I haven't even shed the 4kg I've put on since 2 to 3 months back.

The thing is, I feel immense guilt but that does nothing to stop me from eating. Tsk, I'm screwed.

Anyways, just had the longest call with H for the past 2 days plus 3. Thank god he called my own line. But that means, I've to pay.

OKAY, I'M SORRY. BUT I'M POOR. I GOT THIS THING WITH PAYING. ALRIGHT?

I find it ironic that H is worried that I'm going out to play when he's not around. HELLO? Shouldn't it be the other way round? He's the one who always go out to play, not me. So why in the world is he getting worried?

But am glad of some other things he said. I can say it here but I think I shan't turn anyone off reading this.

It's something sweet!! Don't think too far. LOL.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

MSN - I secretly likes this feeling

I like this feeling. And I'm going to flaunt.

老婆 !!
我打給你怎沒接?

哦哦… 抱歉
我剛才在洗澡
><

害我擔心死了!!

還有… 我沒挂你電話啦
欸？
怎麽擔心啦
我又不會有事
呵

哈因為關心不到你押ˊˋ

嘿~
愛死你了啦~~

恩也愛你

嘿嘿
^^

剛剛找你禿然找不到很擔心押ˊˋ

對不起哦~~
下次不會了

哈恩恩!!
愛你唷

嘿嗯！
也愛你
呵

老婆我等要回家先

嗯嗯
那等下沒事在聊吧
><

愛你老婆

也愛你想你哦
老公
~

恩恩^^

嗯

^^

^^

yeah, judge me.

Pardon me for my lack of intellectual posts... well, ever since 1412 entries ago.

So, I shan't change much, eh?

I know I'm going to sound annoying and fucked up but WHAT DA HELL ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME.

Yeah, I'm getting defensive and typing rubbish because I don't want to whip out my iPhone in front of Mom.

But now she's gone...

Time to shower some smses all the way from TW. It's a love/hate relationship with contacting him. Both the phone bills on my two phones are rocketing and I hate it. I mean, I'm paying for it and I hate it. Absolutely hate it. But I'm trying to save myself by keeping everything really short. If I can end it, I will.

I'm dirt poor already.

But still... here goes:

我愛你！老婆 :-)

老公 ^^ 我也愛你！

還沒睡唷？><

一直睡超淺的… 一下就醒來一次… 呵 ><

哈… 是唷 :-( 我超想老婆的唷~!

我也超想老公的說 :(

哈哈… 沒辦法呀 :-( 誰叫我們傢老婆跟我這麽恩愛呀 :-)

呵… 恩愛喔… 那來親一個… 哈… 被你這麽說，想你好像變成好事了喔 :P 嘿

恩！親~~ 哈… 才不想在跟你分開了啦！才幾天就超想老婆的！:-(

嗯呀~ 超不喜歡這種你不在旁邊的感覺 :( 才過了兩天而已就超想的 >< 呵！等你回來要補回沒見面的時間… 哈

恩！我回去就整天黏著你！因爲我也超愛，超想你的！

嗯！就這樣説定了！不黏就煩死你！呵 :) 嗯~ 你那裡和我這裡好像沒時差耶~ 還不累喔？

嘿嘿！一定會黏你的啦！哈… 要睡了吧 :-D 老婆晚安囖！:-) 一輩子愛你唷~！

哈！嗯嗯！晚安囖 :) 愛你

movies, malls, friend's house, zoo, parks and restaurant

~Movies~
1. Do you stand up and/or clap at the end of a good movie?:
Nope. I stand up and leave after the lights/subtitles come on

2. Have you ever cried in a movie theater?:
Yep.

3. What’s the most you’ve done in a movie theater?:
Done in a movie theater? What do you mean? *squints* I have people spitting popcorn seeds and throwing popcorn, as well as having stupid boy putting his feet on my legs or kissing.

4. What’s some of your favorite snacks to eat at a movie theater?:
Popcorn. Nuggets. Nachos. Pasta. Depends :D

5. Do you sneak in drinks and snacks so you don’t have to pay the high prices?:
Yep, we do. Until I started to know the beauty of having guys who generously treats people to food

6. Last movie you saw in theaters and with whom?:
Marmeduke. Tun Wei & H

7. Where do you usually sit in the theater (front, back, middle, etc.)?:
Depends which are the seats available. But preferably, back though.

8. What do you do when you’re alone in the theater?:
I don't buy the tickets. I don't really like to watch movies alone.

9. What’s the best and worst movie you saw in theaters?:
So many movies watched, no favorites.

10. Have you ever had to sit on the floor because the theater was too crowded?:
Nope. I don't think we could. But I sneaked into a movie once before though.

~Mall~
1. What’s your favorite mall store?:
No preference

2. Favorite eating place at the mall?:
No preference either.

3. Do you like it better when the mall is dead or more crowded?:
Dead. But the mall can't be a boring, rundown mall.

4. Do you stay away from malls during holidays?:
Nope. I stay away from malls everyday

5. Last thing you bought while at the mall?:
I can't remember. I don't remember buying anything the last time I was at the mall.

6. Name all of the malls you’ve been too.:
HUH? This will suck. Northpoint, causeway point, jurong point, IMM, J8, AMK hub, cine, centerpoint, 313, orchard central, hereen, fep, ion, paragon, taka, ngee ann city, wisma, the one with the bape store (can't remember the name), vivo, bugis junction ... omg, DO I STILL HAVE TO CONTINUE?

7. Pick your favorite mall and list your favorite stores in that mall.:
No preference adn guess, no preference.

8. Which do you like better; the escalator, elevator or regular steps?:
Elevator. But if it's a crowded mall, escalator works fine... unless it's like Cine where there are 9 levels in total (not inclusive of basements)

9. Do you and your friends ever go to the mall just to look at hot guys/girls?:
Nope.

10. What’s the name of your nearest mall?:
Northpoint

~Friend’s House~
1. Which of your friend’s houses is the biggest?:
Valerie had the biggest house until she moved out. So now, it's a tie between a few of those stupid expats.

2. And the smallest?:
IDK. I shan't say.

3. Do you use good manners at a friend’s house?:
The first time yes, the rest? No.

4. If you eat over, do you eat all of the food even if you don’t like it?:
Nope. I eat a polite amount

5. Do you call your friend’s parents “Mrs.” and “Mr.”?:
Nope.

6. What’s the worst thing you ever did at a friend’s house?:
I slept.

7. Which of your friend’s parents is the best cook?:
IDK.

8. Which of your friends live the closest to you?:
April

9. And which lives the farthest?:
Mike

10. Do you like hanging at a friend’s house or your house better?:
It depends on which friend you're talking about over here.

~Zoo~
1. What’s your favorite zoo animal?:
Otters. Penguins or polar bears work fine with me too

2. Has an animal ever peed on you from its cage?:
Nope

3. When was the last time you were at a zoo?:
A few months back.

4. What’s your favorite part of going to the zoo?:
Nothing

5. Do you ever feed the animals when you’re not supposed to?:
Nope

6. Are you afraid the animals at the petting zoo are going to bite you?:
Nope. Because I don't go there

7. Has a duck or goose ever chased you for food?:
Nope

8. Does it bother you when you see people taunting animals?:
It depends on the level of taunting as well as the age of those people who are taunting.

9. Aren’t zebras basically horses with stripes?:
I don't remember them belonging to the horses. Are they?

10. Have you ever thought about setting all the animals in the zoo free?:
Nope. I be afraid to.

~Park~
1. Which is better; the swings or the slide?:
Depends on who I'm with. But if I'm alone, both works well. One lets me swing gently and the other, lets me lay on it and look up into the sky... and getting my eyes burn.

2. Do you see parks as romantic places to be?:
Nope. I see it as mosquitoes feeding royal palaces.

3. Don’t you hate it when you fall and hit the woodchips?:
Nope. I hate it when I fall and scrap my knees and palms

4. Have you ever jumped off a swing and broke a bone?:
Nope

5. Have you ever climbed on top of the jungle gym?:
Nope. I wanted to but am always scared to.

6. Do you get dizzy from the merry-go-rounds?:
Yes

7. Which is better; parks with lakes, benches and serenity or parks with swings, slides and noises?:
Serenity

8. Where’s the nearest park?:
Yishun Park

9. Do you ever go to parks just to sit there and read/write/do homework/etc.?:
Nope

10. Do you go to parks after it snowed to slide down the slides and stuff?:
I hope it snowed

~Restaurant~
1. Favorite restaurant?:
I don't have one. But I had been eating at Xin Wang a lot lately.

2. What do you usually order at it?:
Pork chop baked rice and cold soya milk

3. Do you ever order a bunch of stuff just to take it home and eat later?:
Nope.

4. Fancy restaurants, diners, or fast food?:
Fancy restaurants. But fast food works well as take aways :D

5. Don’t you hate it when people order hamburgers and stuff at fancy restaurants when they could’ve just went to McDonald’s?:
Nope. Not really. Cause I'm one of them.

6. Is a date to a restaurant sound romantic to you?:
Average.

7. Do you order more when you don’t have to pay?:
Nope. On the contrary, I order less.

8. How much of a tip do you leave?:
Depends.

9. Have you ever gotten horrible service?:
Yes!

10. Worst restaurant you’ve been to?:
Err, can't remember but prolly one with bad service and bad food... and bad location too!!

how long should you wait before getting into a new relationship

Was watching 大學生了沒 and in that episode, it talks about how long after a breakup can you go into a relationship.

And there was people who said on the day itself of the breakup and a girl said she only got a new guy two and a half years later. Though during the time she had people going after her and everything, she still felt like her heart wasn't healed yet.

Wow to girls like this. Wow, seriously!!

But the 醫師 in that episode also said this. It depends on each individual as well as if you're the one being 甩 or the one who 甩 the other party.

Okay. I went to my old archives and looked through everything. I got ditched on the 8th (because it was after 12am when we had that msn/call thing) and only went into a new un-serious relationship on the 27th.

Alright, I can't deny I'm attracted to H then. Sigh, I still feel weird saying this, the "I-am-attracted-to-him" thing, I suck.

Anyways, what I wanted to say is, I can't deny I'm attracted to H during that time, but to be honest, any guy would do then. Any guy who cares for me and could accompany me, I wouldn't care who he is. I would literally take anyone.

Just that I got lucky and I got someone who's rich and well, nice to me.

Fine. He wasn't that nice of a guy in my opinion. I mean, he's sweet to me and everything but I am looking for security in a relationship ever since my failed ones. And sometimes, his actions doesn't give me that. He said he'll change and I really hope he does. Because the things he does without telling me are also things that he had done. Stupid him thinks that I wouldn't know.

I'm getting a lot better these days. I have people telling me the things he'd been doing. The thing is, I don't even ask them. Wow to these people. Don't stop 'kay? Keep on telling me.

It's always good to gossip around at times, I've came to a realization.

Anyways, the breakup duration.

I remembered talking with Yiannis then (I don't talk to him anymore. To be honest, I don't talk to any more of Gary's friends anymore except for Angela. I don't know why, but I find it awkward to talk to the others. Not that I know a lot of his friends anyway, thank GOD!!) and he said if I went into a relationship then, it will be a slap in the face for both Gary and myself.

Yeah, it was on White V day when H asked me out for a movie or something. I didn't go and Yiannis was like, yeah, I shouldn't have went.

I didn't think I was ready yet either. I mean, I was talking to H everyday at that point of time and things were getting quite a little 曖昧 in between but we weren't technically together. I don't think I was ready too.

I was a lot better and I don't love him anymore then but I don't think I wanted to go into a relationship that soon.

Yes, I was sapping concern from everyone around me. I wanted to feel love but I was afraid of the pain that might come again.

I hung out with H a lot at that time because no one gave me concern like he did. We were friends theoretically then but he waits for me everyday and sends me home even though I live really far from him. He asks me out on my rest day and often texts me.

I guess I just need someone there and he was. Slowly, I had no idea when we started. I had no idea. But we just got together, I guess.

In all honesty, we don't need each other. Anyone could stand in either one of our positions and work just fine. I just wanted a real person to be there for me, to heal me and he just wants someone there. I guess he still wanted to play at that point of time.

But it slowly grew upon us. I never believed in marriages. It's a commitment to heavy for me.

He's still a little kid and believe in love and being together forever. He believed in marriages.

I didn't trust love but if he wanted to, I will. I mean, I got nothing to lose right. That was my thinking a little further after getting healed.

And right now? I don't want to think. I am afraid of what might happen. Of course, if it's a happy ending, all well would end well. But what if it doesn't? I am afraid and that's why I don't think. I don't think.

Sometimes, I think I got into a new relationship too fast too soon from the previous one.

But then again, I would think. I wasn't the one at fault so why should I feel guilty. The only guilt I'm feeling would be towards H. But he wasn't that serious at the start so we both, well, talked about that before.

Still! I am glad that both of us decides to be a tad more serious now. Yes, serious to the point where marriage is in the picture. But that would be kept secret. Way secret.

Shit. I regret starting on this topic too.

KTHXBAI!!

Saturday, June 5, 2010

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXY

老公老公老公！！！

calls

Loves to boys who calls long distant calls just to 報平安. It's so sweet of him. But I'm still worried for my bills. I'm still worried.

And even though he promises not to drink or club, I still got this small feeling that he's not going to keep that promise and normally, this small feeling in girls are very very accurate in predicting these stuff.

Alright, even without talking about that feeling, I'm still very angry with the incident on Wednesday night. It's unfair for guys in wanting the girls to feel secured with them, to be assured by them when their actions speak otherwise.

He can say he's torn up when I tell him I can't trust him, he can say that he can't put in real love if I don't, blah blah blah... But if he can't assure me, if he can't give me security in the relationship that I need, how in the world can I trust you and love you?

But so far so good. Though today's Saturday. The clubbing night over there. Let's just see what time he's going to call me tonight, if he's calling that is.

Hei Show

Now I know why 老公 said he wanted to take one photo before he goes to TW yesterday. (There is a reason why I'm not calling him H now)

'Cause I realized I am constantly flipping through the photos on my computer, looking at the photos both of us had taken together.

Man. This is barely 24 hours. I suck.

We were still hanging around together last night.

And oh, 老公 and I are both really good kids. I've no idea why but Ran asked if the two of us H-ed before (see the reason as to why I don't think calling him H in this entry is appropriate?) and I said no.

Ran was so so surprised and I asked him why. He was saying that a couple sleeping together for so many nights together, didn't we actually do it. I was like, nope, we play around but we never H-ed before.

Anything in depth shall not be discussed any further. Because I'm kind of regretting even starting on this topic.

MOVING ON AND KTHXBAI!!

Friday, June 4, 2010

I know H isn't one of the best guys in the world.

He's an absolute bastard especially when he's drunk.

Maybe just only about a bastard when he's not.

Yeah, hardly a good man in my definition.

But there are times when he makes me go awwwww.

Just the other day when we were having dinner at Cine, I wanted my Korean stonepot rice and ordered it stupidly.

(Sidetrack: That stupid boy called again. Loves!! But my phone bill!! Cries!!)

Okay, so I ordered it. Then a little into eating, he turned towards me and asked me that I can't eat spicy stuff right? I said yeah and he was asking if the rice was too hot for me and if I wanted a drink.

All of us were awww and I was so happy.

Or times when he kiap food for me. Or knowing that I like eating MCD (he doesn't like it) and ordered it and ate with me for 2 nights straight. Loves!!!

Or when my feet and ankles are killing me, he will make me walk slower or carry me up for a while. He's so cute.

Okay. My noodles are almost overcooked.

Kthxbai!

photo

Finally, I'll be a good girl and stay at home for the next week. No more staying out and no more not coming home for a week anymore.

I can't post some photos onto Facebook (because it's quite... well, let's say, it's fun and shouldn't be seen by a lot of people) and some, not even supposed to appear online. Those who shouldn't appear online wouldn't. So whatever I'm going to post now or onto FB are screened personally.

Was a good girl. Bought breakfast for everyone in the house. But that was something in last week... I think. Haven't been at home for the longest time already.

Map to look for the Singtel shop in Bugis. I was almost lost. Tsk!!

See Ment's name? :D

Fucking unglam. But I look so serious over here. Complete with Dior and Coach wallets, phones, Prada glasses, student pass, passport-sized photo, photocopied copy of student pass and tons of paperwork. It's as if I'm interviewing H or something. And am almost without makeup because I see no need to put on makeup to go to a school.

Unglam H with his in-the-process-bleach

Tun Wei and H

Loves how Tun Wei arches his butt over here.

HR and H, the love scandal

HR forcing onto H

H fights back

And kiaps him.

Little did he knows HR likes that

And he lost the fight and lay there tired and exhausted, waiting for whatever to happen to him

Yeah, like so.

Then comes WJ. Soon it became 3P

HR still liking it, WJ being forced and H trying his best after getting 糟蹋 by HR

Err H, I think you're a bit too high over here
(Truth: WJ hit him in the crotch while I snapped away laughing)

More normal photos over at FB: CLICK

I can only...

Sitting in an empty cabin at Marina Bay station, it's not exactly a bad feeling but I'm feeling a slight longing in the pits of ny tummy.

I'm always the one sending people onto flights. Why? Tell me why? It used to be so much easier sending boyfriends onto planes, why is this one so different?

Shit! I am scared to really fall on love with this one but it seems to be too late to be saying this now.

Thank goodness he's coming back in a week or two. I've been staying out too much lately. I haven't seen my parents in a week already. Oh god!

I hate myself for saying this but I think I miss him. A lot.

Ran was asking when we began and how we started. I told him I don't know and I'm not even kidding about it.

I told him that I started going out with him because all I wanted at that point of time was someone to be with me. It could be anyone, I just wanted someone.

And I was truthful to him too. Told him that I told H in his face that I wanted to split with him everytime he got drunk.

Guys are guys. Once drunk, they're all the same. Don't quote me but you can take my word for it.

Had a lot of sharing with Ran. Though not a lot from me. I keep my private stuff private. Those who knows me will know this about me. But I do find out a lot if private stuff from him about him.

My gossip intake for today is done. I can sleep happy now.

But seriously, I don't want to love this guy. I got this feeling I would get hurt again and I don't want to go through that again.

I can only take this much. Sigh. I can only take this much...

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Home

I'm finally home!!

Well, not entirely. I'll still be staying out tomorrow but will be home on Friday. Wait for me!!!

I will be back!!!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

At Supwercut

Best thing about iPhones are they are able to minimize boredom to the very least.

But it sucks when the battery is going to die. Cause all I get is a pretty phone, a pretty but dead aka useless phone.

And the last hit came when both my phones are going to die soon. How lucky can I get? Seriously!

Plus, listening to them chat while pretending to type on iPhones are quite fun too. Cause the secrets. The gossips. Loves!

Okay. I'm bored now. Shall go online now.

Kthxbai!!

it has only been 4 days

Everything has been going around like a whirlwind around me and I have lost all total concept of time. Honestly, all concept.

I was talking with Pam on Sunday and was asking why isn't the 8th floor opened and proclaimed that it was Friday. Both Pam and H looked at me as if I was mad before I heard my own gasp and realized it was Sunday.

Seriously, can you even blame me for that?

Let's see...

Friday was a holiday and I slept around 8am that morning after eating MCD's breakfast delivery. Then woke up a few hours later and went over to H's house. Went to Cine in the night. Sat in the cashier with Wendy for a little and snatched her jobs from her. I think I like working in Kpool a little bit too much.

Mandy came soonafter and asked me to work in her stead. I told her I can until H wants to leave. Somehow, given a choice between hanging out with the people I worked with and H's friends, I'll stick with the people I know. Even if I've ate, slept under the same roof, hung out together with H's friends before.

Anyways, Ken did call once and he asked me who am I through the phone. Told him I'm Joycelyn and he thought I was Joycelyn Ang cause he told me that he forgot to let me sign some event thingy which happened earlier that day.

Damn. I thought I could get some free money.

Anyways, after going off from Kpool, we initially wanted to check out the Prince of Persia but tickets were all sold out until unearthly hours.

Home, we decided to go back to. We were waiting for the cab in front of Centerpoint and there was this lady with a bag and a puppy inside. H was playing with it and suddenly got the idea of freaking the puppy out with my IC. It indeed got freaked out. I be rejected by a puppy.

Then someone asked him to go supperclub and I said that he can. Seeing it will be a nice change for once for me to go home on a Friday night. Yes, for once.

Things got a little rough between us that night. Then he complained about being hungry and I was irritated enough with him and shooed him out for supper.

You know the traffic lights between Bugis street and Bugis Junction? We crossed the street from the Bugis street to the half of the streets legally. Meaning, green man.

But for the other half, it's the red.

Little did we know there are two cops there ambushing people who crossed the streets illegally. Am so pissed.

Took both our ICs down and I remembered not even swearing slightly. Yes, I was that pissed with H to even care about that. Man, I think anger is a scary thing to have within ourselves.

Went for supper at LL and told him that he can go clubbing. I'm not going to stop him. Then he said that he's gonna be a good man and wanted to leave. I was pointing towards the counter and he realized he haven't asked for bill. I be embarrassed if I had left with him.

We were talking in the night and from some trust question, he then asked me if I trusted my 老公. I asked if he wanted to hear the truth. He said yes. I said I still don't believe in love.

He turned around and not spoke for a while. When he finally did, he said that tore him up a lot.

I think I fell asleep for a little while.

I woke up after a while (or so I hope) and tapped his back which was facing me gently, asking him if he was asleep. He made some indication that he wasn't but it was obvious enough and I decided to not take that as a hint.

I turned around and laid on my back.

He then too turned around and laid on his back. I turned my head towards him and looked at him. His eyes were opened but they weren't looking at me.

I grabbed his arms and said the lines I had rehearsed in my head for the past 2 minutes before tapping his shoulders,

I asked him if he can promised me three things. He didn't agree to it but asked what was it. I told him that no matter how good or hot or cute or pretty or nice the other girls are, or no matter how bad I am, and no matter what happens, he can't leave me.

He looked at me and said he'll promise me.

I knew that trick worked. Well, not exactly a trick, but better than what I would have done in the past. At least, I'm facing it straight on now.

Then I was like, asking a bit more questions. Like no matter how hot the other girls are. He said he can. I said no matter how mad I am, no matter how easily I lose my temper, he said he can. I asked if I don't accompany him and ignored him. He said, if it's only for the first week, he'll let it slide. If it's two weeks, then he'll miss me a lot. But that's the most he can take. But if I'm always at home, be a nice girl as I always am (on the surface) then he'll be okay even on the third.

Yes, little things like this can work. But it wasn't exactly a trick. Part of me wanted to tell him that too. Insecurity on my side. I am a very hard person to be assured, I know.

Then things picked up and we talked and laughed till 7 plus 8 before both of us fell asleep.

Woke up around 3 or 4 and I got my shower. YAY!!

Went to Cine wanting to watch Prince of Persia but the next timing that was free was almost 1am and we were there at 9pm. The rest of the slots were full.

That's why we decided to go to Iluma. Got a 11.20pm slot and we went home to kill some time before going to Iluma to watch it.

He went clubbing after that and I went home.

Sunday: Went over to Bugis to get an Iphone. We had to wait for an hour and a half before our turn and I always went mad hearing that duration. H then suggested for a book and coffee and I think I liked that idea, a lot.

So we went to kino and I was looking through books and him through magazines. I decided that I wanted to get a book and he paid for mine. Twice the price of his even though I've thought to pay for it myself.

Went to J and Co and had our coffee and doughnuts before heading over to Singtel when I got their text. Afterwards was to to his place again. He was honest and told me where he went. But I forgot. I mean, I was concerned. But I don't want to feel sad because of the attention he's putting somewhere else. And by that, I mean fun... for now. Until I find some other things.

Hung around a bit before going over to look for Pam. Stole takoyaki from her and it was yum!!

Watched sex in the city 2. Awkward because I didn't even watch the first one and decided to choose that movie.

Had pork chop baked rice after that. I think I have this thing with baked rice lately. I swear!!

After dinper (dinner + supper) was Suitez. Didn't wanted to go and he presumed I was going to go with him. Where is my voice? I thought I was entitled to one.

Went there and webcam. I don't sing with people I don't know, period.

Cam with WY at first and it was disastrous.

H knew I was webcamming with him and left us alone. But Michael just have to come along and asked if I was camming with a guy. I said yes and he went over to report to H. I can has sharp ears if I want to.

Michael was telling H I was camming with a guy and H was saying he knew I was. He was my senior and had seen him before. Then Michael must have given H some funny ideas and went over to where I was and pulled up their shirts and wriggled their tummies for WY.

I be embarrassed.

Then I talked with WY for a little while until I realized I wasn't paying enough attention to H and went over and talked a little with him. I shouldn't have left my cam untended. I really shouldn't.

Michael went over and humped the elephant chair in front of it then EVERYONE joined in.

Michael, Tony, Tun Wei, Xiao Yu and H. I think. The only person that didn't join in was Jia Bao's boyf.

Then WY just went canceled the video call and I was so apologetic.

But he wasn't the last one. Cam with GL next and I think he had the same fate. Just a little better. And he saw me slipped off the sofa onto the floor. I be embarrassed for long now.

I love friends who cams with me whenever I'm bored. But seeing how crazy those people are, I think I won't have a lot of cam friends by the end of this month. Which is pretty much... end of... err... JUNE! Yeah, JUNE!

Then they went to JB's house without asking me... again. H! Where's my voice again? Did I give it to you when we made the deal?

When over there and played with my Iphone and talked a little with the girls. Then they asked us to play 5-10-15 in the huge group.

Forfeit for guys were to have their nipples clipped and tugged off with clothes pegs while girls have the easier one.

H was super nice to me but when asked to changed seats with XY, he was so worried for me. He was like, if I lose, he'll shield it for me. I was happily embarrassed but asked him not to do it.

I lost once and was asked to drink beer. I gladly do so. Because before and after my lost, I was terribly terrified.

All the guys have been pegged. No one left unharmed.

And halfway during the game, H found those types of hangers with pegs on them. He adjusted the pegs and realized it can be used. 'Lil Tony had that 5 pegs in the night.

I can't decide if I were to laugh or feel the pain. I think I felt both... in a super sadistic way that I wasn't happy with.

Played till 7am and all of us were super tired. Then home we went and H just drove me to his house. I thought of going back to my own house. My voice, boy, my voice!!

But I didn't resist cause I was super tired. Fell asleep around 8am after setting the alarm at 1030. We wanted to get breakfast. Okay, I wanted and he liked the idea.

But when I woke up at 1030, I turned around to reach for my phone and that action woke him up. I looked at him and saw his eyes. I promptly turned around and pretended that the time is not yet here.

Then woke up around 11 plus and read the book I got at Kino.

Read till 12 ish 1 before going back to sleep. Woke up at 2pm by H and went for a shower. Had a little talk with Ran about the game we had the night before.

Then while waiting for the heater to heat up, I went back into bed disturb H again. Ran came into the room and asked a little about how our night was. He was saying that he saw two corpses as he passed our room while going out.

He was saying how I was lying on my side and H on his back. I was disturbed as to why he remembered how we slept and myself remembering him for remembering how we slept.

LOL Okay, actually I wasn't.

Then went for my shower. I love sitting in tubs showering but the only thing I hate is the getting up part. I always feel fat getting up.

Make up while H showered. And went to look for schools with him.

The first school was a bitch in all honesty and the second was amazing. I mean, ties is one thing. But knowing a lot of people and get into school based on such are another. WOW is one word I can think of, then and now.

Then went to PS for my screen guard. Had pastamania before that. Had chicken ham and sausage baked rice again. Remember what I said about the thing with baked rice?

After getting food was to get a screen guard for my iphone. I noticed how I never really paid for my own screen guard. Heh.

Slept and talked until night where I asked if he wanted MCD delivery.

Ordered mad loads for both of us and we can finish it.

We got a fish fillet, a mcspicy, 3 packets of fries, a 6 piece nuggets and a 20 piece nuggets and 3 drinks. We fucking finished it. Now I know why we're getting fatter.

Then talked a little bit more till 330 and he sent me home. Before going home, I asked to check my account and I think I died a little on the inside.

Sigh, I really am on a spending spree lately.

And he asked me to go out with him tomorrow. And accompany him on Wednesday. But he has tuition in the morning and I have some concert thing in the evening. Then he said he wanted to go with me to Universal Studios one of these days and he's leaving on Friday.

How tighter can our schedule be?

And he's coming back on the 13th. YAY to him for really coming back so soon. YAY!! But the thing is, my school starts on the 14th. He said he felt like spouting expletives after knowing that. I laughed.

OH!! I really am being affected too much by H. I mean, being the one who does a lot of actions, I am kind of used to it following by how he loves to pretend/act. But speaking like him? Oh god!! Oh god!! I actually said XXX si sa siao? (Meaning what is XXX in tai yu.) He laughed a bit too loud and long after that. I be troubled.

And he's mean. I wanted to poke my forehead and poke me in my left eye instead. He laughed hard and long too. And said he actually say the himself poking in my eye. I swear it was from the punch and kicks I've given him. I swear that was revenge. LAUGHS!!!

Okay. I'm tired and it's 6am now. GTG!! BYE!!