Me & You, Forever ♥

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

fearful

Such a strong sense of uneasiness. I feel like something's going to happen.

Oh God. Protect me please.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

time flies

And time flies. At the end of the alleyway stood a man. A man whom she could never forget. A cigarette between his lips with a sorrowful look in his eyes, she whispered his name softly. It echoed within the alleyway.

And it all started...

With April saying, "how time flies".

And how I thought it was something that was used in Secondary School compos.

Monday, August 23, 2010

ban ban dan

Sorry for turning nasty and irritated. And LOVED the song you asked me to listen.

Here are the lyrics to the said song:

你终究占据了我的心房
我终於知道什麽叫做疯狂
因为你我不再怕黑暗
想着你让我更加勇敢
你说你害怕曾经受过的伤
过去发生的情节让你迷惘
害怕重演在你身上却步
让你失去了方向
或许我没资格说什麽(有谁不会害怕呢)
但我知道我会愿意等(你相信我的时候)
我会慢慢等慢慢等慢慢等.....
等上线的铃声
慢慢等等到我都睡着了
耐心等只为了心动那一刻
我会慢慢等慢慢等慢慢等.....
等红灯变绿灯(很鸟吧...)
慢慢等当你突然觉得冷
我会握着温暖在这里等着

I like the ones in red. I thought it spoke into my heart.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

太美麗

Found a song that's not too bad.

Oh!! I think 方大同 is cute. Weird taste I have huh? And he sings in such a special and unique way. And have awesome songs.

But nope, sharing 陶喆's 太美麗 now.

每一滴眼淚每一次心碎
什麼愛能無疚無悔
不灰心等待痛苦也忍耐
妳堅持愛了就不後退
我知道我不是一個輕易就會說愛的人
沒有想到這樣的妳卻改變我

太美麗太美麗
妳的愛是多麼的甜蜜
太美麗愛讓我也美麗
現在我不再懷疑我不懷疑有多愛妳

每一個腳印每一朵烏雲
說著我的飄忽不定
傷妳傷好深別人早就要放棄
為何妳還是會給我寬容
我知道我不是一個輕易就會說愛的人
可是妳堅強的付出都改變我

太美麗太美麗
妳的愛是多麼的甜蜜
太美麗愛讓我也美麗
現在妳不必再去懷疑

當妳在風雨的未知裏走過
當我在迷失的自我的漩渦
交會在黑暗中妳我發出了新的光芒
現在我已全明白什麼是愛的真意

太美麗太美麗
妳的愛讓生命太甜蜜
太美麗只有對妳感激
越過表面我看見妳
美麗的心妳最美麗

Nope. Those aren't nice lyrics. Those are the lyrics I found so true in this one little, kiddish boy.

kawaii

寶貝老公剛才超可愛的！！

睡到一半突然打過來

然後問我爲什麽沒有接他的電話

睡朦朦的老公

太可愛了啦！！！！！

I WANT TO SHOP!!!

I've screwed up my sleeping cycle so bad that I slept yesterday at 930am. And clever boy called me at 12 and 2pm. The first call didn't end well cause I was so tired.

Didn't even see the text he sent me at 1 until the second call. FHL.

Slept till 630pm. Life is great when I can sleep all I want and having dinner the minute I woke up.

Oh, fattening too. FML.

And yes. I forgot to mention. Mom was niam-ing me after my 2nd call, around 3ish and I started to ignore her and fell asleep. And the scary thing was that I actually dreamed about my entire family niam-ing me. And in the dream, I was texting Xiao Hei and then I heard my iPhone message tone and woke up.

Read the message and typed in a reply and went back to bed.

Didn't realized I didn't send it out until the night. Was talking with him and he was saying that I didn't reply him. And I was like, I DID!!! And I checked and realized I didn't send it out.

Oops. I be embarrassed.

Sigh. I think I made him sad/angry/bu shuang so many times today. FML.

And I think my bill is going to be monstrous. I think I had a few good hours under my pocket. By a few good hours, I'm talking about 10 or so. Cause one call is about an hour on average and we call each other at least 6 times per day.

Oversea charges baby. I be so screwed.

And while we talking on the phone, whenever Mom's around, he would purposely say 我愛你唷老婆！！嘸啊！

And I would give this embarrassed laugh.

Then he would go 哦哦哦！！都不說了哦

And I would mumbled a reply. Sigh. There are just some stuff you just don't say in front of parents.

Speaking of parents, Mom niam-ed me on so many different occasions. She even found time to niam me before she went to bed and before my shower.

Just so awesome.

And sigh. Monthly blood donation is here again. I foresee a few painful days ahead.

Alright, I'm going to confess. I love pills. Cause you can manipulate the dates of the monthly cycle. Yep, I decide when I want them to come. But there would always be an error of one/two days which makes me oh-so-frustrated, but it's good enough.

Sigh. I want so much to shop NOW.

And actually do something.

I want so much to party. Or at least hang out with someone. During my holidays. Cause I be so bored. And all I got was a short 3 hour shopping trip with Jo and a 2-3 hour maple game with April.

FUCK MY LIFE x 100 !!!!!!!!!!

Be my judge. I'm not going to mention how he would be buay song with me going out with a girl. And she's Jo. Someone whom he knows. Not some shady girl that I met somewhere too. He gave me bad bad attitude once he knew I was going out on an impromptu manicure with her.

And when he knew I wanted to do it too, he was so frustrated. God knows why he's frustrated.

Then when I asked him if I should do it, he said he don't think I should.

WTF. I wanted to do it actually. And well, Jo managed to psycho me to do it. Okay, she didn't. I was looking at colors and she was too and I took a bottle and she took two and then, somehow I was doing my nails already.

Alright, I side track.

I mean, I have totally no idea why he would be buay song with me doing nails.

He said that no one would be seeing my nails anyway and therefore there is no need for me to do my nails. And by doing my nails, he would think that I want to go out and party or something.

Seriously?! I can do nails and look at them and be happy about it. I don't need to show anyone about it.

Plus, it's $5. FIVE DOLLARS ONLY KAY. And it's OPI. Not any dubious brand.

But sigh. Got nail polish remover and will remove on Tuesday night or something.

Oh RIGHT!!! Anyone reading this, please please please, if you know him in real life, don't tell him this 'kay?

My knuckles just healed and the mark on both fingers still aren't gone yet so there can't go through punches again, alright? Think for my hands, please. And the pain I had to endure during showers as well as clenching my fists.

Yeah, it's pretty much a soft threat. Anyways, that's it for now.

I have a lot more thoughts in my head but I'm afraid if I start talking about that, I might never end.

So might as well end with what had been happening these few days.

That's all for now. LOVES!!!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

7 years later, maybe?

I promise that I will marry you after both of us are done with our studies.

I don't care whether that is true or not, but it's a nice statement, isn't it?

so who cut that damn tree down?

In the end...

Edison chopped down the cherry tree.
Washington invented the light bulb.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

possessiveness

A mixture between ultimate cuteness, sweetness and sadness.

Honestly, isn't that so?

It started off with him being insecure and then started to push me (verbally. DUH? We're kind of quite far from each other right now.) and I got speechless. Very speechless. I didn't know what to say and have nothing to say. I wanted so much to end the call there and then.

Then he continued to push me further until he heard my voice. He stopped. He apologized.

I felt even more speechless.

Right there and then, I really had nothing to speak to him.

I spoke in a monotone, I didn't respond much. He said he was sorry and I asked why.

He said he had hurt me.

I was speechless (but I spoke). I was the one who hurt him first, didn't I?

Why did he have to sacrifice and put his pride down to apologize to me? He don't have to. Though it's not as if I didn't appreciate the fact that he did.

After a little more talking, he asked if I was tired and I said yeah. I was little tired, I guess. But not enough to sleep.

Still, I said I wanted to go off. Rather than having nothing to say and end up with another bout of unhappiness, I rather we don't speak for the night.

Then, he sent a text over and I ignored him. And he sent the other. I replied. And he called back. I insisted that I wanted to sleep and asked him to call me tomorrow morning instead.

And I went to lie down for awhile. I couldn't sleep. I watched some variety show for a while and I sent another text over. Apologizing.

He called over and after a few rings, hung up. I sent a text with a simple (?) over and he called back.

We talked. But I didn't changed my monotone voice.

I couldn't decide whether I refused to laugh and joke with him despite his efforts was due to my guilt or the anger towards him.

I really couldn't decide. But I don't feel like having fun with him yet. I was still apparently feeling not that well.

Then we ended the call.

Of course, everything is well in the end. But somehow, it feels strange. Maybe it's myself. Maybe it's the situation.

And I don't know. I went over to ICA today and went on a little shopping trip after that.

Then when he heard that I'm going to shop with Jo after that, he got pissed off. I really had no idea why. I mean, if it's a guy, I would have understand. But a GIRL? Why? What? How?

He just said he would be jealous. I be scared. Why is he jealous about me hanging out with girls? Something is wrong with his perspective. I swear!!

And when I told him I might be doing manicure, he got mad too. Seriously, what?!!!

He was saying that I have no need to do manicures unless I want to show it to some other guys. He's sick in the mind!! He is!!

Okay, he's not. I mean, I don't mind guys being overly possessive over me. I secretly find it nice to have guys feeling possessive over me, getting jealous and everything. But getting mad WITH me is a big NO NO!!

HUGE GIGANTIC NO NO!!!

But there are still nice possessiveness from him too.

I got some clothes today and he asked if they were tops or dresses. I told him that it's not exactly very long but I'll treat them as dresses.

He got confused and I told him that I could only stand and sit in one of the dresses. No bending over or anything unless I want to accidentally flash or something. The hem of the dress sits nicely just at the end of the curve of the butt.

I like that length!!!

A LOT!!!

Cause of my mad short torso (when I mean short, I mean really short. My torso (shoulder to belly button) is about 16" long and from belly button to my feet is about 36" long. (And YES. I'm short. I didn't even reach the 1.6 mark so I'M PRETTY MUCH HURT BY THAT. Can you imagine when I stand with H in a lift/MRT, and even when he slouches a little, I could only see his chest area? Sometimes he would even make fun of me by pretending to look for me saying he can't see me, which makes me punch him. But I'm up to his shoulder level when I'm in my monstrous heels, so I'm good.)

And most of the dresses I saw today all ended up around my knee area or beyond which pretty much sucked.

Though that's the size that's sold in most blogshops anyway.

The blogshop that I used to buy loads of stuff from, now carries clothes at 29" onwards. Hitting 30" or beyond.

I normally tries to get clothes at the length of 26". 27" for sometimes pushing it a little too far for me. That's why with dresses that are monstrously long, I have no idea why is that so?

It's about showing a healthy amount of skin. And 30" is a very awkward length for me. Either you go shorter or you go longer. It just stops at my knee and right in the middle of my legs.

How better to spell awkward than that?

But ah wells. Back to the healthy amount of skin. H is cute in the sense that after he heard it's a dress, and how I would wear it, he insists he would have to look at it first before deciding I can wear it or not.

He spoke this in such a sweet way that I didn't mind.

He can be way possessive. But he has to be nice. Being mean that makes me annoyed with you. And by annoyed, I mean, slap in your face annoyed.

And I'm happy with what I got today. Though, I would have wished that I could have more.

And I STILL WANT MY NEW HEELS!!!

DAMMIT!!

And double damn. I'm so tired now that I think I might no sense above. But am so tired that I can't be bothered to read it again.

TOO BAD FOLKS!!!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

blankie!

Sigh. I can foresee how broke I am going to get after this week or so. I hate calling long distance. Hateful. Simply hateful.

Alright, I'm not going to lie. It's sweet at the moment but I got this feeling, once the time of the month (refers to the phone's billing date and not to be confused with the monthly blood donation that should be due every month) comes, I would be fucked.

I think we had at least 2 hours of call time under our belt and the thing is... he's only gone for a day or two.

I can handle 2 hours local time. No problem with that. But overseas charge? Damn.

But it was so funny. We were randomly talking about snatching blankets from each other and we recalled the other day when I snatched his after a long night of chiong-ing FYP.

Me: If it comes to snatching blankets, shouldn't I be the one who's better? Remember?
Hsiang: Oh yeah. I woke up finding I had only enough blanket to cover half of myself and half of the blanket is on the floor and you were so snug in the blanket.
(跟我搶被子，還我只能蓋一半，然後我起來看，一半在地上，然後自己蓋得超爽的)
*pauses*
Hsiang: chee bye

I LAUGHED LIKE MAD AFTER THAT.

No idea why. But I find it mad funny.

Okay. Am going to dry my hair and eat the only one egg tart left. Alright. There was only two to begin with anyways.

That's it for now.

BYE!!!!

Friday, August 13, 2010

had bleeding knuckles and short hair

Just lugged a full Dior bag (not to be confused with a bag full of Dior clothes please), a Sephora paper bag, a laptop and my own bag home. How is it that it was him that is going on a plane but I feel like I had more stuff to carry than him. FML.

Again, like how I've said in the previous times, how is it so difficult to send this boy onto the plane. It's getting increasingly difficult. How I regret not listening to him when he asked me to go get my passport.

There would not be a third time where this happens. He said. I hope it's true.

And I kind of regret not taking his key when he offered. Cause I have no place to run to now when I feel strained and breathless.

It had been months since I've cried till my lids were mad swollen. But at least I aren't the only one doing that now. It was insanely funny when the two of us had swollen lids.

I swear the only ones who could roll over in laughter right after a huge huge tearing (more of wailing kind of tearing) session would be the two of us.

And OH!! Did I mention? He drew eyeliner for me today. And I'm honestly quite impressed too.

Damn. How did I smell chocolate when I obviously sprayed Dior fragrance today. And some apple fragrance thingy on my wrists. Must be the frappe I had just now.

3 more hours before he touch down in Taipei. I shall be good. Unless he breaks the tons of pinky promises we made to each other.

I'm only giving him a month this time. Any more, I'll personally wait with acid when he comes back. Yep, acid.

Fuck it. I think I miss him. A lot. I mean, who wouldn't huh? Especially when you have been seeing nothing but him every day for the past one or two months.

It had been nothing but loads of tears, shouts and laughter for the past few days.

Didn't take the money he wanted to give me. Only got $150 plus a TWD of $500 from him. Like cool only.

Spent almost $50 already. FML.

Let's hope I can find a job real soon. Real soon.

Alright. I'm going to listen to Kenji and Jam while waiting for his calls.

iPhone bill just came and I feel like killing someone. Got this feeling, the bill for next month is gonna be worst. Hate overseas charges. FML x2 with an additional dash of KNS.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

I want...

I'm too selfish. I really am not worth it.

Thank you for trying to reassure me. I'm not trying to give you up. Neither am I trying to give myself up.

I need time. I think.

Maybe Adam Lambert's (truly hot gay, by the way) Whadaya Want From Me came at a right time.

I loved that song.

Yes, past tense. And no, not only because I saw his unedited face.

Truth.

Promises. I loved that word.

And am still loving it.

But I'm confused. And annoyed. Very much.

I can't deny I was overwhelmed by guilt. But by now, it has morphed into annoyance.

No, not anger yet. Just mere annoyance.

Just don't give up, I'm working it out.

Please don't give in, I won't let you down.

Heck. What am I trying to say.

Am I giving false hopes?

Why am I constantly searching for a place to breathe. Maybe it's easier to live like water, conforming myself into whichever shape the container that I'm placed into.

No, that's not being flexible or versatile. That's just going with the flow. Pretty literal with that analogy too, isn't it?

Yeah. It seems way easier to live that way.

I have expectations. People have expectations. People has expectations for me. People expects me to reach that expectation. Sorry, I can't.

It's not that I don't wish to. It's not that I'm weak. It's that, I can and maybe I will do it. Just let me see a purpose in doing it. Let me understand. Let me have a place to breathe when I need to. A place to rest when I'm tired. Then I'll do it.

I'm just tired now.

I've been hiding too long. Running away for too long. It's difficult to try and face it. It's difficult to run away. But it's the most difficult trying to face it while running away.

I want to face it, straight on too. But I can't. I'm too tired.

I don't wish to say that you don't understand me. That's childish and too many had said it. It's not that simple.

It's not just about understanding. I don't care do you understand me or not.

I just want a place to breathe when I feel breathless. A place to rest when I feel tired.

I may be asking for too much. How many people could breathe? Could rest?

But I want to. I just want to take a breather. A rest.

I'm tired. Not from you. But from things.

Not from this. Not from that. It's just that too many things happened at once.

And containing within myself could not help anymore. And I can't say it out. I'm just am not used in saying it. To express.

Like a bowl under running water. Like a clogged pipe. There's only so much more water I can hold.

It's overflowing. And it's getting too heavy for me. I'm not tipping. I'm overflowing.

And I need a place to pour all my water away. But I can't. You know that. Because I've been saying it throughout this entry and everywhere else.

I don't need you to help me pour the water away. I just need someone to be the place for me to pour the water.

And by pouring the water, I don't mean I need someone to be there for me to pour my sorrows out.

Typing so many 'pours' in an entry made me think of that sentence and I got this feeling, people would misunderstand. So NO. I don't need someone to listen to me. I probably just need someone to make me smile. To make me laugh.

I miss happy times. Times where something funny happens and I laugh. And laugh and laugh. And when I think back about it again, I could still laugh.

I miss the smiles and laughter I used to have.

I long for the time where I laughed till I couldn't breathe. Where my tummy hurts. When I couldn't even stand.

Yes, I think I just want to be happy.

I'm sick and tired of being numb. I want to feel... again.

That's all I want.