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Sunday, July 13, 2008
When will i smile from the inside
I'm really trying very hard to maintain that cheerful girl on the outside. The smiles outside were cracking me faster than i had planned on the inside.I have no idea what i can do. I'm all alone. No one by my side. The pressure on my shoulders is killing me, but yet i can't share with it anyone. No one can understand what i'm going through, for i don't want to make them go through this with me. One being crushed is better than all falling down. If dying is able to solve this issue, just let me die. For no one would even cry if i die, no one would even be sad for me. For i ain't worth any sympathy anyway. If that's the only solution, just let me go. Heaven or hell i do not care. It does not matter anymore. Decision towards light or darkness is no longer in my hands. But i know this is merely the beginning. There's more to come. Death will only be an easier way out, but i wouldn't be permitted to take it. I'm not longer the master but a player. I no longer control the reins. In this world, there will only be two categories of people. Either you're the winner or you're the loser. There's no thin line that we can be neither. You can never be a winner if you still hold on to your emotions. Only by betraying your own soul, can you win. But even if you want to betray your soul, you have to find someone who can pay for it. I betrayed my own emotions before. I was not only the player of the game, but i'm also the master. I was always the winner because no one and nothing could tie me down. I feel nothing. I can't feel anything. But my heart decided against it. But i breached the contract between me and my master. I fell from darkness to a bottomless pit. I gained back my emotions. My feelings. My smiles. My tears. My pain. My joy. My everything. Worries came back. Personal issues came back. Actually, they never went away. I just didn't feel for them before. But now i did. Everything just crashed down on me, along into the bottomless pit. I can never be rescued. I can only continue to fall deeper and deeper. That is the consequence of being a player. The consequence of being a loser. I'm just waiting for my cheerful exterior to completely be destroyed. And till that day, no one shall be able to see what's happening on the inside right now. |
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Joycelyn
That's me in the picture.And my boyf. Hate me or love me People I read
謝和弦ㄒㄧㄢˊ
Xiaxue
Holly J
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