Me & You, Forever ♥

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Emotions are harder to express when it's about someone once close to you

Rather than updating as said in my previous blog, i've decided to post a new blog. I'd been thinking about a lot of things today and was quite bothered by it. How come it's always the same thing. Facts being thrown in my face but i couldn't bring myself to accept it. I feel like i was lying to myself. But i couldn't stop it. Damn, is this life or is it people? Or both?

I don't believe in giving time to both parties to cool down. That never work out and even if it works, it only works for the worse. I'm not sure what i should do now. Because i seemed to doubt. I doubt the things that reached my ears. Things are never that simple. I don't know who's the reactants and who's the catalyst. But i think i can guess it out myself. And i think my presumption ain't very far from the truth.

At the end of the day, humans are still humans. Humans in church are still humans in the world. Much worse, humans in the world were once humans from church. I guess it all went back to square one. It all went back to me trusting the wrong person. I should be used to it. For i trusted too many wrong souls before. I was scarred and was used to the pain. But apparently, getting used to the pain doesn't mean not feeling pain anymore. This is just so damn sucky.

I just feel like i am being lied to. But what the heck. You lie. I lie. We all lie. This is a Liar Game. A world playing in the game of lies. But what's different from the first version of Liar Game is that this game doesn't end. No matter who the players are. It's a game we have no choice but to participate. Until the day we stop breathing. Until the day when we are proclaimed dead.

Anyway, i should stop talking about these because i know that NO ONE likes to read a emo blog. And especially since i hate emo-ness myself. So i shouldn't be emo. *shakes head and slaps myself*

BAH, i hate how i wake up nowadays. Only had 5 hours of sleep today, 4 hours for yesterday and the day before yesterday. *roars* WHEN WILL I EVER GET ENOUGH SLEEP?!?! *sigh* I woke up to an sms from boyfriend. Fine, actually two smses. I slept through the first one. But the second sms which came 10 minutes after the first one woke me up.

Shane saw the comments Alvin posted to me and told boyfriend about the existence of those comments. Then boyfriend smsed me. I told boyfriend that i will stay faithful to him and explained about the comments to him. Then he seemed to understand more and one thing he told me that touches me is that,

"I will respect your privacy."

WOAH, i was super uber moved by that. I still love him caring for me, but having privacy is an entire new topic altogether. Think about this, will you enjoy having someone breathing down your neck every second or so? Once or twice or a week or so is still bearable. But what about every single day in the one month, one year, or the rest of your life. I'm sure that'll be pretty irritating. I give him space and he gives me. But i still love him (and hopes that he will love me too. *smiles*)

Anyway, i told him about the jealous thing and he replied that he won't agitate me with that jealous issue anymore. (But he still didn't mention about my hair. Means he still hate it. Shucks. But at least i like it. *grins*) Shit, i digress. Yes, i was saying about the jealous issue, and i wasn't agitated at all. I just didn't like it. But i was uber happy that he's willing not to make me jealous anymore. *smiles very sweetly*

Mental Notes: Remember to find fake lip ring for Masu. Damn, i forgot to ask what kind he wants. Never mind, i shall go get one for myself then show him the sample. Before asking what kind he wants. Or *ponders*, shall i be extra good and ask if he wants to have a chain attached to it, so he can linked it to his ears. *scratches chin* Maybe not, since the guy he's cosplaying isn't doing that and that'll be so troublesome for me. And all the more when i need more time to sleep. Shall just spend 5 minutes buying the fake lip ring and nothing else. *grins sheepishly*

Ps: I have such a sweet boyfriend, don't i? And sorry boyfriend, for being so impatient with you when you help Masu to call me and ask about the fake lip ring. *shuffles feet*