Me & You, Forever ♥

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Wan mei bing bu mei

I hate to have running thoughts. They are so random in which i can't really capture all of them down. But at least, it's a fun journey once in a while.

Anyways, i've no idea why the song 不，完美 kept on ringing in my head the entire night.

And when i thought of Nicky, i thought of the song April and i sang at Kbox.

When i thought of Kbox, a few other songs floated right into my head. Songs like

編號 89757

and

一千年以後

came deep into my mind too.

The story behind these two interconnecting two songs reminds me of 'Absolute Boyfriend'.

It's songs and stories like this that makes me hope that there are indeed robotic lovers around. Someone who would never betray the one they love and would not only live but are also willing to die for them.

But such is life, i guess. For perfection is never allowed to exist in our world. The big guy is too jealous and possessive over these things, i think.

And the more things i remembered, the more songs came inside my head.

The only song that made me felt like tearing (even now while i'm listening to it)

Bao Hu Se

I remembered the time when Da Dong, Xiao Yu and blah blah people in the drama itself were defeated by the Dark Lord (or something like that). And along that time when both April and i were watching that series, both of us were really weak emotionally.

We had our own issues with seemingly no one around us. Trials and tribulations arose. As much as we know that the stuff we were going through then are nothing compared to the millions of people outside, but i guess we were that weak then.

No one were able to tide us through. It seemed like we only had each other.

“[人] 這個字不就是兩個筆畫，互相扶持著的嗎？”

Those felt like difficult times. But we pulled through (with much difficulties in between) only to be stronger and closer than before. No doubt, we had our issues with each other that made us distant ourselves from each other before.

I remembered the time when i was mean with my words and had almost lost an important friend. We haven't spoke properly for months after that. But i'm glad, it's only when the whole world turn it's back on me was the time where i see her turning back to look for me.

I'm glad that she understands me. No one seems to be able to understand my fear and hatred other than her. True, who else could, in any way. No one was with me when that happened. No one knew. Other than her.

She stood beside me while i was smiling on the outside but yet crumbling on the inside. She knew i was falling apart into pieces. She painstakingly pieced back together the shards of me. Her hands were hurt and scarred but that never wavered her determination to pull me back from the abyss.

And once i start thinking about all these, it's hard for me to stop. But this time, it's different. Normally, i would end up wallowing in self pity like a complete idiot. More often than not, i hate the me who can't even have the strength to stand up upon her own feet to fight something that had already past.

Although i've always said

"If you can't seem to forget something, may it be a painful memory or person, maybe it's because they are not meant to be forgotten.",

but for a coward like me, i really want to let go of it.

Not because i hated it but because it hurts.

It's not a sharp pain that pierce right into my heart. Rather, it's a soft dull pain that slowly numbs me of everything else.

I fear it. That's why i want to forget it. But i can't. I'm not sure about her but i know i can't.

But this time, it's somehow different. I do not see darkness in front of me. I saw light.

I recalled the first time i talked about church stuff to someone else other than her. The first time where i really sat down and think about how to answer him when he asked me about it.

It was a really small glimpse but i indeed do recognize it. A very weak ray of hope, but it was indeed hope.

I thought about him and it brought a smile to my face. How long had it been that day when we sat at Starbucks and talked about it. Under normal circumstances, i wouldn't even have the courage to think back about it much less laugh about it. Under normal circumstances, i would have been crushed and would need April to be there, listening to my fears. Under normal circumstances, that talk at Starbucks would never have happened. But it wasn't under normal circumstances, for that night indeed did happen.

The path down the memory lane went into overdrive. I remembered the first time when i talked to him online, the first time when i met him, the first time when we had completely nothing to talk about to now, where i would feel weird not talking to him for a day.

And also, i thought of the first time when i met her. The first time she brought me into church, the first time i cried in front of her, the first time we left each other, thinking that we would be better for each other by not being friends.

Thoughts came in one after another. Smiles followed closely.

It's exactly times like this where i think that the big guy up there doesn't hate me that much. He had placed great people in my life.

Never would i want to trade anything else for the two of them.
*smiles softly*

Qi Shi Hai Ai Ni

I thought that this is a pretty nice song too.

Light do not remove darkness away. It merely conceals it. By accepting weaknesses, one gradually becomes strong again.

...

I totally didn't want to make this post into such a long and boring post initially, i SWEAR!!!

Never had it cross my mind to actually write those down beforehand. It just came naturally.
*lower eyes*

I merely wanted to think about what a person i am and out all these thoughts came. (Is this what they call 'the influence of the cold and lonely night'? *snuggles deeper into blanket*)

But honestly, i've no idea what a person i am.

Identity, personality, characteristic, blah blah blah are all ever changing things. Situations and people around us causes all these to constantly change. The Joycelyn i knew a year ago would be different from the Joycelyn i'm living now.

And isn't it that people always say,
[旁觀者清，當局者迷]嗎？

If so, shouldn't the people who is always around me, would know this better than i do?

Since i've really have no idea how should i describe myself, so how about this...?

How would YOU describe me?

(To actually see how many of you people can actually stand reading such a long and boring entry, please do MSN me and tell me how you would describe me. Of course, that is only if you feel like it/comfy about it. *big smile*)

P/s: But in anyway, like it or not, even though Nicky isn't the hottest guy around but don't you agree that he indeed has a very nice voice for love songs. agree?

*stares*
Better.Agree.With.Me.

P/p/s: All these are nice songs, R.I.G.H.T?

It's nice to have a change from all the nice, hype songs to a slower but still nice songs, isn't it?
xP

Oh yes, you better say yes though.
*menacing smile*