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Monday, August 24, 2009
Emotionless
How does it feel to be the one labeled as being emotionless. Like a wall, no one can see anything through your eyes. As you stare blankly ahead, through their souls, they see nothing from you, understand nothing, feel none of your vibes.Does it sound cool? To be called as someone whom no one can feel. To be deemed as someone who can't feel. Does it sound cool? A little, doesn't it? But it doesn't feel cool at all. Rather, the crappiest feeling one can get. How do you think you would feel, when the ones you hold dear said that you are just like a slab of concrete, cold and unfeeling. Not unfeeling per se, but they can't feel you, your feelings. It sucks. Really, it does. You flinch when someone touches your wound. That's human. I ran away when i feel scared. I don't speak when i know what i'm going to say would hurt you. That's human too, right? But why? Why is it that when i ran, when i hide my emotions, when i kept quiet, do people not try to understand, to think that might be the reactions as of a human? I build a wall in between my feelings and your thoughts. It's really not a thick wall. Rather, it's paper thin. I didn't build a wall to hide myself from you, i build a wall to see who in the world would actually be bothered to break the wall down. How many people i've met tried but failed. Tried to break the wall down but instead my heart. Gary tried. I appreciated the fact. But when he said how he felt like he was speaking to a wall to me, i saw mom in that line. Both of them had said that line. Both of them don't understand me yet. Both of them whom i hold dear. Both of them who because of that fact, became the one that inflicted the most pain on me. Do you know how much that one simple line can hurt? Do you think they know i was hurt because of that sentence? I don't remember being this way as my choice. Maybe it was, but i can't remember. It seems like i had lost everything to fate, to life. Maybe hiding isn't the best option but i'm going to smile this little smile, softly, until someone who can find me, finds me, i'll continue to hide. There are still things i won't say, because you're too dear to me for me to say. More than afraid of you leaving, i'm afraid of you being hurt. Even if i might hurt you along the way of trying to protect you in my own little way but i'm still not going to stop. This is a never ending story. A recurring theme between everyone. A lesson we all have to learn. |
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Joycelyn
That's me in the picture.And my boyf. Hate me or love me People I read
謝和弦ㄒㄧㄢˊ
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