Me & You, Forever ♥

Friday, July 18, 2008

I become so numb

Alright. This is one of those picture-less entries with loads and loads of words.

Anyway, i've just went to place the deposit for my spectacles. It wasn't very nice and i didn't really like it personally very much. But i'm in urgent need of glasses and i got the first one i saw.

I am so going to ~~Swensens~~ have not enough money. $190 just flew away from me just like that.

And what's more. I'm not one of those who looks good in spectacles. GRRS!!!

To add on, my contacts need to be sent in for servicing (i wonder how come it sounds so much like my lappie). Which means i would be contacts-less for a few days at least. CLASS PEEPS, YOU GUYS CAN FINALLY SEE ME REAL LIFE IN GLASSES.

GAWD!!!

And i was also starting to wonder lately, if the swelling in my eyes were caused by the collection of tears that i refused to let them flow out lately.

But in any case, here comes the saviour, SPECTACLES!!!

At least i don't have to worry about worsening the swell in my eyes. It will heal by itself (i hope).

So many times, for so many times
Tears were just at the tip of my lashes
Threatening to drop
For yet so many times again
I refused to let it fall
If i felt like crying for a gazillion times
I had already stop myself for a gazillion times

Crying doesn't make me any more human
So why should i?
I don't need sympathy
I don't need fake concerns
What i want is myself
The true me

I don't want people to care for me just because i cried
I don't want people to be concerned for me just because i teared
The only reason i want to cry
Would be that the true self asked me to

For how many times i felt sad
For how many times i felt betrayed
For how many times i felt alone
For how many times i felt weak
For how many times i felt confused
For how many times i felt fear
For how many times i felt freaked out

For how many times i felt like crying... ...

For so many times,
I couldn't let myself cry

If someone small can bring me down
I must be smaller than that
And i don't wanna be that way

Even if it's all just a pretense
I don't care anymore

I am not going to care if my heart is dying
I am just going to pretend that everything is alright
I am not going to care if my heart had been broken and will never to be pieced again
I am just going to pretend that my heart is still fine

I am not going to care about whatever my heart is going to tell me anymore
I am just going to pretend that i'm still the strong girl that i had always pretented to be

The world just can't seem to allow me to be weak
I just can't seem to allow myself to be weak
I need protection
But i don't want them

I need you
But i don't want you

I need love
But i don't want love

I need to cry
But i don't want to cry

My eyes are hurting every second
Threatening to let tears flowed out
My heart is bleeding every minute
Threatening to crumble me down
My mind is confusing itself every time
Threatening to tear me into pieces

But i am not going to care
I'm just going to pretend

I'm becoming so numb
I just can't see the path ahead of me
I'm just falling apart
I'm just so tired and exhausted
But all the things just seemed so clear

It's more than i can take,
That's for sure
And i might end up failing too

But i don't care
I'm just going to continue to pretend that everything's alright

Alright. Moving on to happier things.

So many things. So little time.

Anyway, let's start WAYYYYY from the top.

I met HH on 902 while going to school. He got a seat while i don't. ):

But i took things to my advantage and threw him my lappie and jacket and made him hold it for me. REGARDLESS HE LIKE IT OR NOT.

HA! TAKE THAT!

And i wasn't paying ANY amount of attention during the entire day until it was the time for me to present. In which we were the last team to present.

I were stoning, friendstering, doing all sort of things except listening to the faci. AND BEFORE FINGERS STARTS TO POINT AT ME, I FINISHED MY SHARE OF WORK KIES?

And there was this ~~bitch~~ faci who came in during the first and third meeting. I shall talk more about her later. LATER.

Anyway, during the second breakout, i was telling GL about my VPN being down for a month and counting, and he asked me to talk to the IT helpdesk via communicator. And in which when they couldn't solve it, they referred me to the remote assistance engineer.

IT WAS SO FUN LUR!!!!!

Initially i was quite pissed with the engineer because he uh huh?? me GL. (GL typed all the way for me) But then when remote control was activated, it was SO DAMN FUN.

I see cursors moving by itself. Windows minimizing by itself. Words being typed by itself in the place where i'm supposed to type while chatting. Lappie restarting by itself. Things being downloaded without me clicking.

BECAUSE IT'S REMOTE CONTROL. DUH?!?!!!

And GL was saying, since they can see whatever i am doing to my screen, we can actually play a trick on them.

He was saying that we type 'motherfucking slow' into the space where i'm supposed to type my message and then backspaced it.

And this will SURE to piss him off. :x

But being nice people, i stopped GL and HH from doing that to him.

AND AND AND!!!

Ever since the password for staff VPN had changed, the guys were all so depressed and had moped about it for DAYS (and weeks and months). And when GL realized that the old admin password were the same as the old staff VPN password, scheming ideas literally popped up from GL, HH, GH and Jeff's mind.

ALL of them literally asked the engineer for the new password. While HH and me were skeptical about it and thought that the engineer wouldn't give it out, BUT THE ENGINEER DID!!!

The five of us were whooping, laughing, punching the air and couldn't believe that it was THIS easy. (I rarely gamed, but i still do.) But then, life isn't all that nice with roses and blood. (Ooooh, blood)

It didn't work out for the staff VPN. DRATS.

Those 4 guys were so SO disappointed. While i was rubbing in and laughing my head off.

Anyway, after this big wooha between us, it was time for presentation. And it's time for me to talk about this ~~bitch~~ faci.

Anyway, when i call someone bastard, it means i still have a certain degree of respect to a certain extent for i personally think 'Bastard' is quite a nice song.

But when i'm talking about bitch(es), then it's a different case altogether.

AND OH YES, BEFORE I GET INTO TROUBLE, LET ME INSIST, BITCH = FEMALE DOG. *smiles*

And yes, back to the ~~bitch~~ female faci who pinpointed our whole class today. (In front of our own faci, somemore)

While our team presented, that female faci (i didn't know her name), was against our team/Suhari. They ~~argued~~ debated over certain issues that i didn't pay attention to.

And while all those, HH MSNed me and said "No wonder her whole class pon".

HA! I thought so too.

And GL were even awesomer. He asked our faci herself did her friend (that faci)'s whole class pon.

POOR FACI. NO ONE WANTS YOU. Mwahahhahaha!!!!

BUT. (here comes the big BUT)Yea. See how big it is?

SUHARI SAID THAT HE FIND THE irritating FACI QUITE CUTE!!! AND WAS SEXUALLY HIGH FROM HER.

Gosh. Of all people, why her?

People seriously have varying definitions of cuteness for a 26 and 16 year old.

And no thanks to me and GL, almost half the class knows about his sexual attraction. *grins*

He didn't asked us to keep it a secret anyway. And oh yes, if no one gets him, it was a JOKE.

I finally came to an acceptance that not a lot of people can get what i'm saying. Especially when i'm kidding.

ANNOYING FOLKS!!

Anyway, i'm listening to Linkin Park's 'Numb'. I find it not too bad. Reminds me of the performance by the EMP seniors. *smiles to myself*