Me & You, Forever ♥

Monday, August 31, 2009

They disgusts me so completely

What a day. Saw Chris, Matt AND Wenqi all in the span of one day.

But honestly, Chris didn't recognize me at all in the single bit. I was looking at him and he kept his eye contact with me for at least three seconds but i see no sign of recognition in it at all. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or not but i do like that.

Then saw Matt and Wenqi at the bus interchange after dinner. Xin Wang's pork chop wasn't as nice as compared to the last time i went there. BOO!!! And Gary initially had as much cash as me in the account but all of a sudden, it went rocket high. DOUBLE BOO!!!

I wanna steal his card and pin number!!! But he's keeping me away from both of them. *pouts*

Anyways, somehow or other, Gary started to ask what started my hatred towards them.

I really can't say it. Hell no am i trying to protect their reputation. They had did nothing for me to prove that they deserve it (explains a lot about all the bad stuff about them that were circulating huh?).

But it's not that i don't want to say but i really don't know how to. (And i can write an entire new entry about that... but not now) Unless you give me one long shower to let me think.

I love showers. And that's what you should know.

If i'm going to talk about the politics, the bitching/backstabbing/eye-roll-worthy-childish-and-not-childlike-stuff/blah blah blah... then it's actually nothing. This is what we see everyday in the society. It's reality and i know it well enough.

That shouldn't be a problem but...

I was thinking if it started off with Weimin. I mean, she's a total bitch and everything but i met my own fair share of bitches in my life but it would just contribute to my annoyance about her, not hatred towards them.

And so i wondered again.

Then i realized, it was my arrogance. My arrogance that i put my faith in Weijie for the fact that i trusted him to believe in me.

Don't ask how wrong i was. Me being able to trust him? Or him trusting me? Pack of lies (or at least how i feel when i'm thinking back).

-sidenote: listening to Lian Ai Da Ren while typing this totally ruins the mood-

Honestly, if he walks his talk, then he would at least believe that i'm not lying. Alright, maybe he didn't thought i lied but at least he wouldn't blatantly dismiss my side of the story, right?

Asking if i was sexually abused before? I don't know but somehow i feel like i should be feeling insulted. And i actually forgot about how Roy told me that Weimin's mom actually poured soya sauce on the floor at night and Weimin has to clean it up.

It was April who reminded me when she called me just now. Oh yes, we were talking about church in the latter part of our conversation.

I don't get it. Singling me out and talking to me. It's called 'talking to me' in a nice way, but honestly, how do i feel then? I felt that it was just plainaccusation against me. They had an agenda. And the agenda was to tell me that i am in the wrong despite whatever i said or did not say and that everything is my fault.

I'm not sensitive enough to a girl who has to clean up soya sauce in the night.

Outrageous theory? Trust me, that was their key stand for the night. They talked to me till like 1am plus? Pure insanity much?

Anyways, that's some eye-roll-worthy issue to me.

That was a start.

As i was telling April, it's like a piece of glass. When it's fine and clear of scratches, the glass could withstand any amount of stones hitting against it. But if there is a little crack on the glass, with the same amount of stones, the glass would bound to shatter.

Because of my arrogance that Weijie would have at least a slight degree of trust in me and the fact that he didn't (and oh, if you must know, i don't trust anyone easily. And because of him, it became worse now) crushed me. Disappointment is an understatement.

Of course. I felt humiliated. Why? I had faith in him and my trust was thrown away like a pile of trash. Total humiliation. Betrayal? Not really. Although i do admit i felt a slightly so but that is not enough for me to hate someone so completely. Humiliation does. Agree?

Anyways, after the mistrust incident, it was like a crack in the glass. When politics come, when underhanded means appear, it's like stones. Cracking me into more and more little pieces. To the point, i totally broke.

I sometimes do amaze people with my level of able to sustain my plasticity. But with them, they exceeded my level. It came to the point where i can't even be plastic with them. Yes, that bad.

Like what i saw somewhere on FB before:

Sometimes, it's not the absurd truth behind Christianity that repels. It's the absurd behavior and attitude the UnChristians who claim to be Christians display.

There is a couple of things in there.

ONE: By saying 'it's not the absurd truth behind Christianity that repels', it means that Christianity has absurd truth.

But 'absurd' according to Encarta means: ludicrous AKA ridiculous because of being irrational, incongruous, or illogical OR meaningless.

And 'truth' means something factual OR something generally believed OR descriptive accuracy.

So with that, 'absurd truth' refers to a contradiction and therefore, does it prove that Christianity is contradictory?

TWO: UnChristians. They typically means those who call themselves Christians but yet do/say things that Christians are not 'supposed' to (according to the bible/how Jesus lived)

If they are talking about the people that are not Christians, it would be NonChristians and not UnChristians.

I think the second point is more self explanatory but my point is...

That is the thing i saw in them.

They claimed themselves to be Christians but yet... the actions and words they spoke are just so UnChristian-y.

I'm not stereotyping them but HELLLO?

Anyways, but i guess, more than being disappointed, it's not enough to get me to get out of the church. It's the politics that irks me to the core.

Just like how i would never go back with Kuku, i would never want to be part of that church again. With the same reason:

They disgusts me so completely.