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Friday, September 25, 2009
Trust issue
I don't know how i should start this, for a thing that's supposed to be unsaid.So many things going through my head, so many things i wanna say, but as soon as it reaches the tip of my tongue, it disappeared. Maybe it's not that i don't know how to say, it's more of the fact that i don't know how i should say it. More of the fact that i can't say it, it should be i don't know how i can say it without really saying it. Should i start with my feelings instead? Would it be ambiguous enough? Just out of nowhere, when i least expected it, April brought up something while we were eating. I never told her, actually, i never intend to tell her. I don't know if this was my way of protecting but i thought that was the least i should do. Plus, i have no idea how to break it to her. She had a semi-argument with both her Mom and Ben. So, i thought i shouldn't burden or load it on her. But i wrote it somewhere as an entry. I thought she wouldn't notice it, she did. Maybe that's why i got a voodoo doll from her huh? :) No worries, that's just a novelty product. ... Or is it? Anyways, she just asked me over lunch and i never thought of hiding. I told her everything by stages and by the end of it, she was appalled. We had different reactions. She expected me to be angry but yet i was silent. But what was going on inside was the same. Though we aren't the only one with the same thought processes either. It's definitely not a gender issue. I could have proven it. I could have been almost certain that despite our difference in personality, ways of handling and thinking, probably we have either the same vibes on this issue or we understand each other that well. Okay, it shouldn't be 'we understand each other that well' but instead, 'she understands me that well'. She cried after the call last night. I never thought she would. Is it that girls are too sensitive? But as i've said, this is definitely not a gender issue. But as i've said, i was thankful for at least being able to hear the truth. Better than hiding me in the dark and letting me find that out. I feel better knowing what's going wrong. I don't know how i should continue. I think i've said albeit too much. Let this be something that both April and me knows, and only the two of us should know. It's not a girls' thing. It's more than a girls' thing. It's a trust issue. |
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Joycelyn
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