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Monday, July 12, 2010
老公~
It had been long. Way too long for us to be still holding grudges. Way to long for us to not be able to get over it. The yearnings, remorse, guilt, love, affection... They are all gone. Gone from the special little place within me. Not because I'm so much of a cold, selfish and heartless motherfucker bitch, but more of the fact that I had stopped feeding that part of me. I didn't forget G. Neither do I hate him anymore. The only feeling I had towards him would be how sorry I am towards him. Though in all honesty, I knew I've done wrong, but I do not regret one bit in doing it. I do mention G in front of Hei. And how he'll always be mad and jealous that I kept on mentioning him. G wasn't a bad guy. I rather be the sinner in this place, but the truth might be we just aren't the right one for each other. Maybe I can't be brave enough to burn away my masks. Maybe I can only be with a guy who can look through my masks. H had been doing it. He knows how annoyed and speechless I am, and he knows why. But a stubborn little mule he is. He does nothing to pacify me till much later afterwards. I loved G. I ain't afraid to say. Maybe we both met the wrong person at the wrong time. But I thank the high heavens for knowing him. Yes, I love him no more. I feel for him no more, but that doesn't mean he hasn't taught me to treat my future boys better. I may still love awkwardly, but I'm giving all my heart to H. He changed. A lot. I remembered the first time I've met him, a player in my terms. But he has settled down much. At times, I still am annoyed with how childish and annoying he is, but his apology and concern which he showered on me once he realized I'm pissed with him makes me feel a lot better. I love H. With him just by me, my eyes and heart has no place for anyone else. I'm so afraid one day, the one day where he is going to leave me. The talk had been on the table for months. I given him the freedom to go, if he wants to. It'll be difficult for him if he chose to stay. He said he had nothing now. He has no more cash. Would I still stay by him. I told him all he has to do is to promise me his love. If he can, I care nothing about money. Foolish boy chose to stay. With nothing under his name. His sacrifice touched me. I was indeed moved. The eyes that shown with love, the hands that warms my heart... I didn't believe in true love. I keep a little bit of myself every time I love someone. I didn't dare to step outin faith. I had no idea when did H pulled me out of this. I trusted him and bit by bit, put more of myself out. Now, I'm empty of my own but am filled with his. Maybe, one day, we could be married. Or maybe, someday, we'll end up with different people, but no matter what the case may be, all I know now is that I only has eyes for him and I love him. |
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Joycelyn
That's me in the picture.And my boyf. Hate me or love me People I read
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