Me & You, Forever ♥

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Someone interested in blood

Okay, with my nemesis safely tied behind ~~bars~~ NS commitment on Friday the 13th, i could hardly control my smiles.

ALRIGHT, i was just kidding. I ain't that bad YET. =X

I finished one entire blog entry yesterday, but just as i clicked on 'publish post', blogger refused to publish it. Therefore, i decided that it must be fate that led me to write a new one today.

Just as this sentence is typed, i'm singing along to [Lonely]. I can't believe it. I'm listening to English songs.

No worries. I'm still faithful to my 12012, Vidolls, Versailles, Nightmare, High and Mighty Color (so on and so forth).

But still, my favos are still 12012, Versailles and Vidolls.

Even if i'm listening to [Lonely] and [Life] while typing the sentence above. I seriously find these two songs not too bad. (:

You know the feeling that when you listen to a song and there will be this smile coming to your lips. The smile that ain't mocking at all. You know that feeling don't you?

And the embarrassing thing is that i have no idea about the genres under English.

I can tell you what i know about Japanese songs for two hours. (Where 1hr 59mins is all on Jrock and 1hr 58mins on Visual Kei Jrock. Meaning 1min on explaining Japanese songs in general, 1 min on Jrock. And the rest is all on VKJrock.)

But when it comes to English, i can tell you under 10 seconds flat. (8 seconds goes to 'uhhhh....', 2 seconds saying 'It's in English'.) =X

Boon (noob) me.

But after getting 'shot' at yesterday, i'm trying to get out of my shell. The last thing i want to do is to be look down by a guy who resembles Wei Jie online.

IMAGINE MY TRAUMA.

And i realized one thing. Wei Yi + Zhi Jie = Wei Jie.

No, it's not a 'lameo' thing. Because Wei Yi speaks like Wei Jie online and Zhi Jie acts like Wei Jie in real life.

IMAGINE ME SEEING THEM CLOSE TO ONE ANOTHER. I saw Zhi Jie on Wednesday and he freaked me amply enough. Then Wei Yi on Friday.

GOSH!! MY HEART CAN ONLY TAKE SO MUCH.

All the leaders in the world unite, ROLL bananas roll roll bananas.

But still, Zhi Jie is still a nice guy to talk to online. And he likes speed metal and power rock. WHICH IS GOODY GOOD GOOD.

And Wei Yi promised me chocolates. So him traumatizing me is forgotten.

CHOCOS LEH!!

Frez, fight the temptation.

Oh YES, i must ask where does Eden goes for his lunch. I heard from Mum that he comes to RP and have his lunch. I want to meet him. Maybe, just maybe he would offer to treat me lunch or even, DRIVE ME HOME AFTER SCHOOL.

Ahhh, how good life could be to have a brother-in-law that drives. Providing if he can see through my pesky little mind and fulfill my demanding requests.

But mum said he can't recognize me. Because of my hair. BUT THAT WOULDN'T BE THE CASE SOON ENOUGH. Cause we're eating dinner with him later on. Father's Day peeps, FATHER'S DAY.

Have you hugged your dad today?

I've tried. And he asked me, "Are you pregnant?"

ALRIGHT. No more hugging of dads from now on for me. Is it that weird to show my love for my dada on the day before Father's Day?

And what's more. When i assure him i'm not pregnant, he asked me if it was that i wanted more money.

WAHLIEW. I said NO. I missed the chance. NAH, kidding. I love money, but not to the extent of keep taking from him.

What's more. I have my own stash of money. *grins*

Okay, moving on.

I've downloaded DSS DJ 5.5 and IT MADE MY LAPPIE CRASHED THREE TIMES.

When i mean crash, it doesn't mean not responding and after leaving it there for 10 minutes, everything will shut down by itself.

When i said crash, i mean me leaving the lappie there for half an hour and coming back to see the same semi-opaque screen staring at me with the cursor refuse to be moved. And i can't even restart it or go to the task manager. The only way is to kill off the power supply (aka taking our battery).

I'm so afraid to use that program now. My lappie can't go down you know. It has too many important stuff inside (like songs, games and pictures.) IMAGINE IT GOING DOWN IS HELL.

And the important thing is that i can't charge my iShuffle as it will be resynchronized to the new iTunes and all the songs in it will be gone. As in gone FOREVER unless i re-download them.

ZE TRAUMA. ):

Okay, i'm moving to a more serious mode soon. After scaring some of you with the 3 ONLY group photos taking by Zhi Jie on the Cheering event on Wednesday. (We took more by ourselves.)

And i think Zhi Jie is a very talented photographer. I don't even have to edit ANY of the pictures. The lighting was perfect.

Me not biting nails.

a HEH expression

Pursed lips smile. I WASN'T READY.

Okay. Serious stuff.

There was this story i've heard before. It goes like this.

It happened in the older times, around 19th century, there was this young boy who rarely talks. His parents were worried for him and hired a psychologist for him. The
psychologist asked the young boy to draw a picture for him.

The young boy took up his black crayon and started to color. He colored his entire paper black. Pieces after pieces. He did the same thing. The parents were worried but the psychologist wanted to continue to see how the boy did. After days of full black pieces of paper, just as they thought all hopes for the boy is lost. The boy started to have irregular patches of white appearing on the paper.

The parents saw a glimpse of miracle. After when the boy finished and put down his crayons, the boy started to piece together his drawing. And that was the time where everyone could see, he was drawing a whale.

He didn't draw it on a small piece of paper. He drew a life sized whale and no one
could tell until he pieced it together.

What's the story about, you ask? There's a lot of instances you can get from here. The main idea of the story was to say the different perspective between a child and an adult.

But i wanted to use this in a different way today.

Have you ever had this instance that you couldn't see the full picture when you stood too close to it. The parents stood too close and couldn't see the black papers as a whale. But after the full picture came out and they moved back to see the full picture, that was the time when they see the full picture.

Sometimes, when you're too close to one thing, you can't see the full picture. You can only see the things that's in front of you.

Ben asked me a few days back why i could have infatuationwith random guys whom i don't even know. He didn't understand how come people can like someone whom they don't even know. (He wasn't referring to only me, kies?)

And i guess this would be my answer for him.

If we're too close to someone, we can't see the full picture.

I mean liking someone, having an infatuation over someone is different from loving someone.

Liking and infatuation, i think it's quite okay to be far. But if you're going to talk about love, it'll be hard to love someone that's too far or too near. It's hard to even love. Love is too complicated. GAHS.

And in the ~~game~~ world of love, there's too many things that people will overlook. Some girls or guys who did things too often would be taken for granted. They wouldn't treasure it any longer.

Same thing can go with parents and children.

It's like if i hug my father everyday, he wouldn't have been taken aback when i hugged him today. He might not have treasured this hug more.

Or a better example for be taking money from him. If he gives me money every other day, i would have taken it for granted and not treasure the money as much.

You get what i mean don't you?

A lot of things, when we stand too close, we can't see the full picture.

I had been a Christian once and i was too close to Christianity. I couldn't see the full picture. Until i took a step back and i saw everything. I was glad i saw it.

Now i'm happily a free thinker with no spiritual worries tying me down. I feel FREE.

The first taste i had of freedom was the third time i cried in front of Wei Jie. The first time, i still trusted him. I told him and he didn't care.

The second time, i told him and cried. He proved me wrong.

The third and last time, i cried and i left. Those tears seemed to washed away all the bondage i had. No more linkage i had with them. The first time i seem to taste freedom on the tip of my tongue. The tears were no longer painful, but sweet. I smiled.

I had no idea that freedom from church was so sweet. I thought i would die without church once, but when i really left, i feel that my eyes opened.

I smelled the fragrance of flowers. I see the world a much more loving place. I did not think that those who does not believe in Christ would die and rot in hell. I accepted more and more people. I felt the love my parents tried to shower on me, in which i couldn't feel those while i was still in church.

My mind was full of church and leading of people into Christ and walking better with Christ. But once it wasn't filled with those, i saw more things. I took a step back and i saw the world as a much better place.

I had never realized that the plant in front of my house had buds on it. I did not see that some of the plants in front of my house had bloomed. I was too pre-occupied in the past in church that i had forgotten to live my life.

I had forgotten to feel the sun shining on me. I had forgotten to listen to the voices around me. My family, my friends. I once thought that the only true friends i would have is in church. And i was so wrong. I forgotten to smell the flowers along my path. I had forgotten to taste the sweetness of love. Most importantly, i had forgotten to SEE the things around me.

I had wasted the years i still could be a kid. I was forced to grow up overnight. Leading people older than me. Now i'm coming close to 17. I realized that i had wasted the time when i was fifteen, sixteen. The time where i can still be a little kiddish and people will still forgive me.

I wanted to go back to that time but i can't. At times, i would let the kiddish in me flow out. I wanted to try to be kiddish. I have no idea how it feels. At times, i just want to be a little childish. I wanted things to be in my way. I had skipped through those paths in my life and i want to at least know how it feels.

But alas. Who can ever tolerate that Ching who wants so much to come out. That kiddish girl.

I'm someone interested in blood and doesn't shed things like tears.

Until the day where i can feel safe to cry, i wouldn't anymore.