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Wednesday, June 17, 2009
All explectives will be coming out again soon :)
I was looking at the weird metal piece that dropped out from my dead Dell’s tower and have a sudden urge to stab my thigh with it. But I guess it’ll hurt and i might see blood, so I simply dropped the idea.And man, I googled and found out that skin which hurts when touched and having this fire sensation on skin are actually symptoms of anxiety attacks. Man, I just hope it goes away soon. I am simply feeling so so so fucked up now. I was sweating like mad in my thick jacket but yet still shivering today. It had come to the point where i was saying that i'm going to have really strong stomach muscles at the end of the day. Shivering for three hours. I'm so going to get a muscled tummy. Plus numb fingers. I had them in class and i was so afraid that i got a mini-stroke without knowing and kept on trying to pretend in stretching them while lifting my hands way up high. I know, paranoid much, right? Darn. It's only the third day of class and i'm already so messed up. How am i going to survive the rest of the nine weeks for just this sem only. It's no wonder seniors always told us that You can party in year One; I understand now. I was so dead that i didn't even bothered to wear contacts to class yesterday. I would have normally insist on a decent look before heading out, but i've been ignoring them ever since three days ago. And i really really want to sleep now. But i'm still waiting for Gary's call. If i'm going to die in my sleep tonight, then at least i want to listen to his voice first. But then again, maybe i'll just wait until 1030. I'm not game enough to wait till he calls. And i was thinking too. If i could actually mediate at home, maybe i can achieve enlightenment and go into some monastery where i don't have to go through this shit anymore. I already am not eating much, let me insist, it's not that i don't want to, but it's just that i really have no appetite. I swear Myojo cup noodles taste like cheap and fake flour and milk. Mad disgusting. Couldn't even force myself to eat half of it. More than 24 hours with only half of a cup noodle and diahorrea and 60 hours of mad chills, burns, painful skin, shivering tummy, headache (panadol rocks) and dead souls. Fucked up ehs, am i not? Let's hope the symptoms of the supposedly anxiety attacks go away soon. If not, i'm not sure how long would i last. Till this weekend? But i'm happy with the instillation we did today. And we're going to do recording tomorrow!!! Uber cool. Let's hope i don't get her in my team again tomorrow (was in her team for the last prob and a guy's grades was destroyed by her). And honestly speaking, i can only be this much fucked up before i really die. |
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Joycelyn
That's me in the picture.And my boyf. Hate me or love me People I read
謝和弦ㄒㄧㄢˊ
Xiaxue
Holly J
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